Relationship New Relationship With A Ptsd Sufferer

[NrrdxGrrl88]

Hi, I'm really glad I found this forum. I'm looking for a little advice. About a month ago a friend of mine that I haven't seen or spoken to in 20 years, since we were teens, moved back into the state we're both from and found me on Facebook. He'd been in the Army and had retired as of April 29th because of PTSD and some injuries. We got to talking and became a little more involved and have been seeing each other a little while now and things have been great up until yesterday. It's like a light switch literally just flipped. All of a sudden I am moving too fast and while he wants to be with me he needs time. Time I have no problem with. What I'm having a hard time with is I'm the one who am always saying slow down. He's already talking marriage, buying a house and this and that. And now he's just completely shut down on me. Or anything I say is turned around to somehow be my fault.

I have no experience with PTSD so is this common? I really care for this man and want to be there for him so if this is a part of it I'll work with it, I just need to know what I need to be looking out for.

Thanks so much.

 

[shimmerz]

Could something have spooked him @NrrdxGrrl88 ? Sometimes just a nuance that you would never notice (and perhaps he hasn't noticed) Maybe a level of intimacy that he is not used to? Many of us have attachment disorders (if we were young when original trauma hit) so you may want to start there. Just a suggestion of course, as I don't know much about where your friend's PTSD originated from.

 

[bell]

A lot of times us PTSDers rush into love, talking long-term commitment right from the start because we feel invincible and like our PTSD has disappeared with this new love.

However, often, it's just that this new love has made our PTSD symptoms go away temporarily as we hear violins playing and see cherubs everywhere. Not to say that it isn't real, it's just that often we think that this new person is the one who will make all of our symptoms go away and when the honeymoon period ends, our PTSD symptoms rear up again we shut down because it's too much intimacy too soon.

Therefore, I'd stop talking about the future and just be there for your friend, ready when they are willing to talk. You are right to slow things down! Show him that you are there for him, yet don't let his shutting down stop your own life.

It's really hard not to get caught up in the whirlwind, but he's probably having problems letting anyone in any further right now. Because with PTSD you often turn off all of your emotions, so when you start to feel anything (like love and affection) it can become scary to feel, as you don't know how to regulate those emotions; therefore, it's often either all or nothing. As a result, it's easier to shut everything down that risk feeling something that could be scary.

Is he in therapy by any chance?