New therapist - new consult - what to look for?

[blackbackpack]

Hello,
I have seen so many therapists in the past, but that have been unqualified to help me. I have another consult set up in 2 weeks. I feel like all the therapists Ive seen in the past use the consult to get my family tree and ask all these questions about me, but I have no idea if they are really HEARING what I am saying or just trying to check off their boxes on their little form then I make another appointment and then months go by before I am consciously aware that the person Im seeing is incompetent to help me.

How do I handle a consult? Im so sick of dealing with my symptoms and I feel as if I'm ready to work through this no matter how hard it gets before I waste my whole life hiding from the world. What questions do I need to ask? What signs do I need to look out for to help guide me in my search for help?

 

[Eagle3]

Ask questions that tell you what their approach and modalities are, how much training they have in Trauma-specific therapies, their between-session contact policies, and anything else that comes to your mind. Basically, the first couple of visits are for establishing rapport and discovering if you two can work together. So ask any questions that come to mind, and pay attention to the gut reaction you get from the potential therapist. If something seems "off", listen to that. If you really find you gut-like the person, go with that.

I've had several therapists since I started having problems. College-student therapists, college-staff therapists, individual practice therapists, etc. There were times I had good ones, times I had crappy ones, but the one I have now and who is the perfect match for me came from a weird chain of friends. My current T was my best friend's Aikido instructor, and I'm a martial artist too, so I would often go to class with her for a different martial experience. Well, it turns out this guy could help with some extremely damaging chi-blockages, and after a couple of energy-healing sessions, trauma stuff just started pouring out, and he became my official therapist.

The therapist before him was a good one, but female. I don't connect well with women, but she was nice enough. We could talk about certain subjects, but it still felt like I knew more than she did at times, or was giving her advice in some instances (my background is in psychology too). The day she tried to do a guided meditation from a piece of paper, reading it off, I knew we were done. She wasn't a fit for what I needed anymore, and while I liked her, it wasn't a truly therapeutic relationship. It was more of a coaching relationship that was almost mutual, and that wasn't what I wanted to put my money into at the time. Would I see her again for dealing with some of my female-relating issues? Absolutely! But right now, I need the T I have now to work on the deepest traumas.

Finding the right T can be long and arduous, but when you find the right one, you'll know. And the experiences you've been through with the others help define your expectations for a more fitting match. By going through the crappy ones, you know what you DON'T want! Good luck, let us know how it turns out!

 

[joeylittle]

I have seen so many therapists in the past, but that have been unqualified to help me

It may be useful to be able to articulate what qualifications they did not have.

Was it you coming to the conclusion they weren't qualified, or was it them? And what specifically were the issues?

 

[blackbackpack]

It may be useful to be able to articulate what qualifications they did not have.

Was it you coming...

It seemed as if they never stopped asking questions to try to understand what I was going through. There never seemed to be any goals to achieve. Ive just never felt understood by a therapist.

 

[joeylittle]

It seemed as if they never stopped asking questions to try to understand what I was going through.

Well, that is part of the process...

There never seemed to be any goals to achieve.

That's definitely something to ask about, upfront. Ask the therapist what their point of view is on the therapy process, how they think about goals, and whether they believe someone is ever 'done' with therapy.

Ive just never felt understood by a therapist.

What would a therapist do that would lead to you having that feeling of being understood? Any ideas about that?

 

[EveHarrington]

How did you find this therapist? Why did you make an appointment with them?

 

[Suzetig]

I feel like all the therapists Ive seen in the past use the consult to get my family tree and ask all these questions about me, but I have no idea if they are really HEARING what I am saying or just trying to check off their boxes on their little form then I make another appointment and then months go by before I am consciously aware that the person Im seeing is incompetent to help me.

What tells you they're incompetent - in other words how would you know that they are competent, what are you looking for? Would them being competent mean they worked in a particular way, that they'd do something particular, that you'd feel different or see things changing and how quickly are you looking for that to happen?

Early sessions are about gathering information about you, and starting to build a relationship - part of which is you articulating what you are looking for. So, what told you your last Ts weren't qualified and how long did you work with them for, do you know what modality you want to work with? All of that will help you find the right fit.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I used the first session to ask him questions. In general, I ask a lot of questions anyway. So this might be part of that. Why I was really there didn't come out for a year and he was really busy trying to stop my come ons and lay some erotic transference boundries in the beginning. But I learned of his experience, his training, his qualifications in the beginning. The "get to know me" time was as much about him as it was me. If not moreso.

A month or so into sessions my sister in law (brother's wife) was screaming "he isn't qualified to treat someone like her" so that's when I called his office to get his exact creditials. Some expected and some really was a suprise. All show just how qualified he is to treat my exact trauma.

But, my point is, you ask. A lot of questions. I want to know not just what his creditials are but what is his experience? What has he successfully treated in the past and how often? How did it turn out? Stuff like that.

Luckily, he also used himself and his family in my therapy and so I know quite a bit about him, outside of his job. Which is important to me. Who he is as a person. His morals and beliefs. Things like that really helped trust building. I will tell him anything and everything and today do not hesitate to do so. I cherish our relationship today.

In the beginning, finding out if they are qualified to treat your trauma will likely boil down to if you ask questions and what those questions are. Normally it takes time for this stuff to come out in natural conversation, which maybe why it took longer the last times you went to therapy. So write down a bunch of questions to ask. If they are a good therapist they will be very willing to answer them and will understand why you are asking. Maybe even elaborating where needed.

If you can learn this inside of the first hour consult? Depends I suppose on what is needed to treat your trauma and how long it takes to explain that. I would say give it a few sessions at least.