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Sufferer New To Forum/ New To Ptsd

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This is a copy of the first post I did here but then I saw this forum and thought I should put this post here too. Thank you Brad for sharing too as I believe it will give hope to those who suffer with PTSD. Max, writing has always been another tool I've used. It also helps me identify some of the pain sources. And to you Sadbird, I think you are doing all the right things to help you overcome. It's nice to meet all of you here....

"Hi everyone

This is my first post here, my first day here. I see a therapist weekly and he too uses EMDR but I've only had a couple sessions where EMDR was used. To start I'll give you all a short history and that is hard since I am 55. I've been in and out of therapy since I was a kid. I've tried every kind of antidepressant known to man without much benefit. My mother is Schizophrenic and is currently full blown with no treatment. The abuse she did goes back to before I could talk. And after I did learn to talk I quickly learned that nobody listened. I grew up with her my father and 3 brothers. My youngest brother committed suicide at age 16. My other 2 are alive the oldest a drug addict and the younger one close to that. My father is dead now. I left home at age 15 and got married the first time at 16.I've been married and divorced 3 times and am currently in a relationship but he is verbally abusive and loves to keep me down.

I have 3 grown children, Joey 38, April 37 and Sean 32. They are all doing well considering. My youngest son Sean had stage 3 testicular cancer at age 17 went to Boston MA for a study. His treatment included 2 bone marrow (stem cell) transplants. He survived and he is doing well today.

EMDR therapy has been the only thing that gave me relief from PTSD. Although painful during the times performed, it helped. I also feel safe with the therapist I see and know he will not cause any harm. I wish I had started that sooner. One of my sessions I had with him and EMDR was about hearing phones ringing. On high stress days that's one of the things that would happen to me. Sometimes I would run to the phone to answer only to find out it wasn't really ringing. With EMDR I discovered the ring sound was different so it was a call from years ago. The call I got when my brother committed suicide. During the EMDR session I answered the call. I haven't heard the phone ring since. Almost all my PTSD is the result of all the deaths I've seen. I worked in Dr offices for almost 17 years until a year ago March. I had to get out of it. The walls were closing in on me. Shortly after, I started designing and making jewelry. That was the beginning of the constant abuse I now get from the guy I live with. And as a matter of fact, the abuse alone reminds me of and triggers negative effects on me but that is why he does that. He's a narcissist and doesn't like me getting attention when I make and sell my jewelry. If I were stronger mentally I'd be gone by now but without the finances, I can't.

I don't mean to make this a long post but what I do want is to encourage anyone who is wondering if EMDR helps...it does!"
 
I truly appreciate everyone saying hi & sharing their stories.

I had a tough session with the therapist today. We did a gentle version of EDMR, with me finding a comfortable side & level to look at while talking/describing some of the physical abuse I suffered. Most of the time I want to just sit there & bawl. I'm afraid the therapist will tap into all the pain & I'll just never stop crying. I'm always exhausted after my sessions. I tried to do all these chores that I had planned to do, but I just had to lay down. Two hours later I woke up!

Does anyone else experience this exhaustion after their EDMR sessions?
 
After EMDR I generally want a nap I don't always get one though. It gets better as you go - you get used to it. That endless amount of pain you fill does have an end. You can do it a little at a time. Crying is tough, it hurts. It is part of the journey don't be afraid to let yourself cry it will stop. Let things happen as they come up. Have a good day.
 
Thank you Brad1980 for replying. I just noticed I spelled EMDR incorrectly. I was so tired when I wrote that. Crying is tough and it does hurt. I seem to cry all the time and I'm always tired. I truly hope that all the work I'm doing is going to pay off.
 
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