New To PTSD Effects - And Uncertain if I Should Tell My Dr. All Issues

[nor]

2Quilt......were you sitting in on my session too!!! Everything is exactly the same, except for the tears. For some reason, I just haven't been able to shed any. I've come close, but just can't do it. Actually, after hearing how therapeutic crying can be, I hope that someday I can.

nor

 

[-m1-]

2Quilt......were you sitting in on my session too!!! Everything is exactly the same, except for the tears. For some reason, I just haven't been able to shed any. I've come close, but just can't do it. Actually, after hearing how therapeutic crying can be, I hope that someday I can.

nor

nor, do you know why you can't cry?

I hope you don't mind me asking. I am the same way, but I know why I can't/don't cry.... it started out as a very deliberate thing on my part that now I cant seem to "deprogram". Do you know why you dont cry?

m1

 

[nor]

Hi M1

When growing up, we were taught to not cry-as it was unproductive, unneccesary, and only meant that I was looking for attention I didn't deserve. I remember when I was little, that if I cried about something....my mother would say "Stop your crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" You should never let anyone see you cry-so at a young age, I stopped crying.

The only time I have cried at a funeral (and I have been to several over the years), was 4 years ago. A man who was much much closer to me, than my own father, passed away. I broke down and cried at the wake. My mother told me to stop crying for this man. He was just an old employee of my dad's. So, I stopped. That was the first and last time I remember crying at a funeral.

I have been experiencing a hollow feeling lately, and only think that maybe it is because I just can't cry. I don't know how, and the doctor says that it is good if I just let it go. Just can't.

nor

 

[Awakening]

Oh gosh, I just had to reply to this thread about non-crying.

Same background except with my father, a loving man in his own way but crying was a weakness and if you did cry you were teased.

For years I have not been a crier, even at sad movies or real life sad situations. So much so my girlfriends used to jokingly call me 'cold-hearted'. Even my husband was bemused that he as the man would cry more then me!

I spent nearly one year with my first therapist with no emotion at all. Not even teary eyed. She used to say I wish you'd show some emotion in here. So did I! But I was locked up is the best way I can describe.

My current therapist used to ask 'are you ever going to cry in here?' Eventually one day I did. I've been with her all up maybe 15 months & I've cried probably 3 times now.

However, privately my crying is now at it's all time greatest. Privately I started crying maybe once a month, then once every week. At the moment its been 4 days of crying every single day, sometimes 3 times in the one day. I have to schedule my crying in now! It's painful, but I'm actually feeling things for the first time in.. I don't know possibly forever. Seriously I should buy shares in Kleenex the way I'm going.

So if you are wanting to access the emotion of crying, I think it's a part of accessing your feelings about the trauma you went through. It's hard to do though. It's hard to change a habit of a lifetime of non-crying. One way to start (which I'm stealing from my therapist) is to think of something small unrelated to the trauma to cry about. So perhaps if someone snapped at you at work you could allow yourself to feel that & cry about it (assuming it hurt your feelings). Or you may see something on the news that makes you sad, think about that situation and give yourself permission to cry over it.

Another exercise is to write on a big page "I am sad because..." and free associate - just write down whatever comes to mind without judgement. It's not crying but it can be a way of releasing.

At the end of the day though, be patient with yourself. The more people who told me to cry, to let it out, etc I think the more I locked up. It has to be in your time. I think if you keep working on your trauma & gently pushing yourself to explore all the details of the trauma then crying will come naturally enough.

Thanks for posting this, I think the non-crying thing is such a good thing to raise, it bothered me for so long when I felt so locked up but couldn't access it.

 

[-m1-]

Wow.... nor and Awakening thank you for the explanations. Band of Brothers here... errr. . . Sisters as it were.

Just to clarify as I don't want to mislead, I *can* cry for others. I cried terribly on 9/11 and again in 2005 when my dog/ K-9 /companion and best friend of 14 years died.

I just don't/can't cry for me.

Awakening, interesting you mentioning your therapist experience regarding this. My long term therapist (back in my 20's) found this issue confounding... I think it frustrated her.... nearly as much as it did me.

Thank you so much for posting your experiences.

m1

 

[2quilt]

crying

I heard that 'stop crying or I will give you something to cry about' line from the time I was born until they stopped hitting me when I cut off communication at 30 years old. I still cried constantly. My emotions are so fragile.

 

[nor]

Other than that funeral I attended 4 years ago(and my mother told me to stop crying) , my parents haven't seen me cry in 20+ years.

I remember that I cried walking down the aisle when getting married, and once again I was admonished on the side lines by my mother. I married my husband because my family always said, "God help the man who marries you" - so the first person that asked me, I accepted, because I figured I was so bad that noone would want to ask me. When I stood at the end of the aisle, and saw him waiting for me I lost it - and it wasn't tears of joy.

I have lived 23 years with an abusive alcoholic. It just feels pointless to cry. They made me feel, I got what I deserved. That may sound a bit like self pity-but it isn't. That is a major issue my doctor and I are addressing at this time.

nor

 

[Squarepusher]

However, privately my crying is now at it's all time greatest. Privately I started crying maybe once a month, then once every week. At the moment its been 4 days of crying every single day, sometimes 3 times in the one day. I have to schedule my crying in now! It's painful, but I'm actually feeling things for the first time in.. I don't know possibly forever. Seriously I should buy shares in Kleenex the way I'm going.

thats great! I think more people should be crying and be encouraged to cry; its definitely a healthy human emotion.

 

[nor]

Ok-I have been discussing with my doctor, the other traumas I experienced in my life-but it always seems to come back to the childhood abandonment and sexual abuse issue.

I have been successfully (if that is what you want to call it), putting aside the thoughts when not in therapy. I have been occupying my time with golf, the house, and helping my son with school stuff. I keep myself busy. At night I take a sleeping pill and fall asleep very early on the couch. I know that I am still having problems because whenever my husband comes within two feet of me, I freeze. My husband remains oblivious.

As soon as I approach the psychiatrist's office, and sit there and then leave-I become extremely nauseous-extremely.
He still wants to see me twice a week, and it is very hard for me to prepare myself for the overwhelming feeling I generate before the appointment. I keep telling myself that the conversation is too redundant, and I don't need to go-but I can't bring myself to cancel an appointment and wind up going and getting physically sick-literally.

Does this happen to anyone else? Am I going too much to the doctor? I seem to have hit a brick wall and just can't get over it.

I did find out yesterday that I believe I need to "pay" people to like me. Give them things, do anything they want me to do, so they will be nice to me. My psychiatrist was very firm about it not being "the money" as to why he agreed to see me. I'm having a hard time understanding that one.

I also wanted to start writing in the trauma diaries here, but am afraid of doing that as well. I have been trying to orally verbalize my childhood trauma (while driving alone in the car, on the way to the doctor's office), but can't get beyond the initial sentance. It is much easier to write, but I am afraid I may forget something, or say too much.

I am also afraid of my son clicking on the button for history of searches (on my computer), and plug into anything I post on this site. I am not that computer literate and don't know how to delete the history. Any ideas?

Thanks for your time with this
nor

 

[Marlene]

nor,

Welcome to the forum.

I found it much easier to write my story than to tell it. Although eventually I was able to tell my therapist it. I come from the 'suck it up and don't cry' family background, too. It's very difficult for me to cry in front of my therapist. It's only happened a few times. He knows this and doesn't push. He knows that I have cried a lot at home.

I have also felt myself getting anxious and sick to my stomach prior to an appointment with him. I think it's just a normal reaction to knowing that you're going to be doing/talking about something that's unpleasant. It's necessary, but not fun. I've never understood those that enjoy and look forward to therapy.

Lisa