Sufferer New To This But Not That

[Still waiting]

Hello,
I am 42 and I have lived with 95% of my childhood blocked out. I have attempted to avoid my pain at all costs. I am at a place where I need to deal with my inner demons and little child. I am prepping for EMDR. I am nervous for the antagonistic fear that pulls at me from my deepest parts of what I will find. But I CANNOT continue without getting better. My black hole is in need of being healed. My wife, children, and self absolutely need this!

I will periodically check back when I can emotionally to see what people say on here. When I have the strength to read more I will. I must confess I am also a moth to the flame but the flame burns like hell!

I hope and pray that all of us can move forward. I pray that everyone that reads this realizes that you are not alone and we can stand together! So keep writing, reading, praying, hoping, loving those that deserve your love, and forgiving but not realizing that WE DO NOT HAVE TO HANG OUT with those that have hurt us in the past! We must forgive but we don't have to forget and be buddies with the "objects" that hurt us either directly or indirectly.

 

[Marf]

Welcome to the forum! Good luck with the EMDR and your healing process.

 

[Hashi]

Welcome, still waiting.

It's a good idea to pace yourself here, as well as in therapy. Sometimes I've liked to stay in the Chit Chat forum, to connect with others but on a lighter, more everyday basis.

Does your prep for EMDR include grounding and coping skills? I recommend practising these a lot, they make a big difference with any approach to recovery. Good luck.

 

[Still waiting]

Grounding and coping? Oh boy...I will be seeing a counselor at the VA hospital and did not know about these criterias. So elaborate and any advice???

 

[Hashi]

Not elaborate, just simple things you can do to keep you stable and stop anxiety, dissociation (spacing out) and flashbacks. It might be called safety.

There are lots of threads about it.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-is-the-goal-of-grounding.23699/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/grounding.19978/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/grounding-101.12459/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-types-of-grounding-techniques-do-you-do.39486/

 

[Still waiting]

Thank you for those intriguing posts.
I normally don't dream but the past 2 nights I have has similar dreams. Fear was the overall dictator. In both dreams I was going to be killed by someone I knew. I was very desperate to escape. The first dream I was going to go out through another room and up through the bottom of the swimming pool to save myself. I am not sure if I have had dreams before except when I was a child. Any feedback?

 

[Never Give Up]

My prayers go out to you and your family. Healing is important.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Still Waiting,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum!

This is a great site for information and take your time to read all that you can about EMDR. There may be some things that you want to discuss with your therapist before you begin.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome, Still waiting! You have found a special place where you will find compassion, understanding, and acceptance. Regardless of 'how' you got here, and why you need to be here, I believe you can receive good input, as well as give good input!

I applaud your efforts, and the love you have for your wife and your children. It seems you realize you need to be healthy to be able to be the best you can be for them. It is like when we fly in an airplane, and the flight attendants tell us to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first, then we are able to take care of those who may need our help!

I know and believe, from my own experiences, that prayer works! It is no accident that you have found this Forum! Your prayers have been heard, and I believe Help in on the way!

EMDR helped me tremendously, regarding being able to deal with the loss of a child, and allow myself to 'let go' of my grief, and move past the pain. I am able to remember it all, but EMDR taught me how to 're-frame' that memory to a point where it is in my soul, but doesn't come up and 'attack' me when I least expect it. I feel it gave me the control to put the memory in a safe place in my heart. I can now remember and talk about her and all that happened during her life and death. (She was born with severe brain damage)

She taught me, her brother, and the rest of our family SO much, and never said a word. She knew how to love, and the people she loved KNEW she loved them. I know now that she was an angel in human form, sent to teach US how to live, and appreciate the 'small' things in life that we might take for granted. Being able to walk and talk, just 2 of the things she taught me about.

God bless you, and keep you, and your family safe on your journey towards healing! It WILL happen, just never give up! That's the key!!
Blessings & prayers being sent your way...you are heading in the right direction!

With Blessed Assurance, I send you peace, love and understanding.
AKJ

 

[Still waiting]

Welcome, Still waiting! You have found a special place where you will find compassion, understanding, and acceptance. Regardless of 'how' you got here, and why you need to be here, I believe you can receive good input, as well as give good input!

I applaud your efforts, and the love you have for your wife and your children. It seems you realize you need to be healthy to be able to be the best you can be for them. It is like when we fly in an airplane, and the flight attendants tell us to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first, then we are able to take care of those who may need our help!

I know and believe, from my own experiences, that prayer works! It is no accident that you have found this Forum! Your prayers have been heard, and I believe Help in on the way!

EMDR helped me tremendously, regarding being able to deal with the loss of a child, and allow myself to 'let go' of my grief, and move past the pain. I am able to remember it all, but EMDR taught me how to 're-frame' that memory to a point where it is in my soul, but doesn't come up and 'attack' me when I least expect it. I feel it gave me the control to put the memory in a safe place in my heart. I can now remember and talk about her and all that happened during her life and death. (She was born with severe brain damage)

She taught me, her brother, and the rest of our family SO much, and never said a word. She knew how to love, and the people she loved KNEW she loved them. I know now that she was an angel in human form, sent to teach US how to live, and appreciate the 'small' things in life that we might take for granted. Being able to walk and talk, just 2 of the things she taught me about.

God bless you, and keep you, and your family safe on your journey towards healing! It WILL happen, just never give up! That's the key!!
Blessings & prayers being sent your way...you are heading in the right direction!

With Blessed Assurance, I send you peace, love and understanding.el bad,
AKJ

Oh my...
You brought tears to my eyes! Don't feal bad!!! I have 2 boys with severe autism to top it all off. Every day I ask God questions like, "Why?"! I had a shitty childhood, now I am disabled from military, and disabled kids! Sometimes I myself think my stories seem crazy. At times I wish I was making this stuff up...unfortunately I am not. It is hard to step out of bed at times.
Thank you for your positives words and your kindness!
Be blessed!!!!!!!!!!