Relationship New To This, Some Advice?

[Glenn77]

Going to be brief in my story, I have been dating a woman whom I love with all my heart for the past almost 4 years now.

I am just NOW starting to realize alot of things about her and what PTSD is and does from reading things on here.

I am the supporter in the relationship. We were engaged, and then the distancing crept in, she moved out on her own for the past year. She wanted time to herself and we had basically completely separated for 2 months with 0 contact. May of this year she came back to me telling me she wanted to have a life with me and would never leave, and wanted a child and to be married, etc.

Everything seemed to be going fine and were planning on moving back in together in December.

We took a 4 day vacation last weekend and the emotional numbness came back, she felt completely distant and unreachable. When we got back she now has gone back to wanting to be left alone/space, and is not wanting to move in, to the point she is questioning her future with me or anyone else. She has removed her facebook, etc.

She had told me last fall that her therapist says she exhibits PTSD with the emotional numbness and not being able to feel love, but I really didn't compound on it or try to understand it, and I can see now that I really needed to.

But the past 2 days I've been doing alot of reading on this forum, and now I can truly see the gravity of the situation I am dealing with. My biggest problem in the past was I was always mistaking this numbness as a sign I was doing something wrong, that it was me and not her, so I would overcompensate, or latch on even more (which I now see is the wrong thing to do).

I sent her an email telling her I can wait for her if she needs some time, and 2 nights ago I sent her an email saying that as long as I now know and understand that there will be times in her life where she may not feel happy or numb, that I can deal with it and can understand it and not worry that I am doing anything wrong.

My biggest concern is, CAN you live with someone where this disease is present? Are there people on here who have happy healthy relationships, or is this such a destructive disorder to the point where unless you are in serious counseling and on medication, it is a monster?

I myself found out about 2 years ago that I had severe OCD and had to really work hard on being able to master living comfortable with it, can the same be done with PTSD?

<Paragraph breaks inserted by Amethist>

 

[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum Glenn.

 

[ISupportHer]

Quick answer, from my point of view is that yes, you can live with someone with PTSD. But do you WANT to? LOL

That is half jest but half true. My situation was having PTSD rear it's ugly head after a few decades of marriage. So there is much invested in the relationship. I would just advise anyone contemplating a relationship with someone exhibiting what you describe, to do a VERY careful self examination. Many in relatively new relationships feel they have to support and rescue the other person. I am not saying there is not love, but I think there has to be an awareness of where that love is based. Don't go into it thinking that you can change things. That can only come from within the person with PTSD. Make sure your love is in the right place and be fully aware that "what you see is what you get". Sufferers deserve love too, but the relationship will be hard and ultimately fail if there are unreal expectations.

The saying that it is better to have loved and lost being better than never having loved at all may not be true in PTSD. If you say you love her then at some point realize you can't do it will be devastating to her. That loss is hard at any time, probably more so with PTSD present.

All are my opinions, of course. I am no specialist.

ISH