New to this... Suffer from extreme loneliness yet push everyone away

[Jami1488]

New to this site I'm hoping it helps, I don't have anyone to talk to or understands me and what I go through without feeling like a burden. I have an incredibly painful past but ultimately I live a good life now after intense recovery but I'm finding more than ever now, I'm completely cutting out everyone to the point of walking out of all my jobs bc I just can't do it anymore. Social media is a place I'd like to start avoiding as well.. I seem to be really well liked on the outside with people but still feel the need to withdraw. I'm extremely extroverted yet isolate like crazy. Suffer from extreme loneliness yet push everyone away. Just needed to vent I guess..

 

[Freida]

Welcome! You will find lots of people here who get the whole isolation thing :)

 

[ladee]

Welcome. You will find many here who relate to your feelings of wanting people in your life and shoving them out. Hope you read around on different threads to find you are not alone.

Doesn't mean we add something more to the list of what is wrong with us. It means we have our reasons for the 'push/pull' thing we do.

I tend to disappear when I start to feel overwhelmed with people noise. So I do understand.

Glad you found this place. Glad you are here.

 

[blackemerald1]

Welcome @Jami1488 - :)

Do you have ptsd? Are you receiving some kind of treatment at this time?

 

[NeverGiveUp]

Welcome @Jami1488 !

It's probably not very similar to your case... But in my case, I often feel "detached" from other people and I avoid establishing connections or friendships with them. At the same time, I actually want to make friends and have relationships with people, but it's difficult to do it and usually I need a lot of time to actually start feeling comfortable and close to someone. And even then I still suffer sometimes from trust issues and I often doubt what other people actually think about me. But that usually comes in cycles, so I feel much better and confident after some time.

I came to a conclusion that I have to put some extra effort into trying to establish connections with other people, and also some effort to maintain them. Usually if you're "closed" to some extent, people just don't make an effort to get to know you better; albeit there are some exceptions... But those are that - just some exceptions.

I don't know what exactly causes you to push other people away. Maybe you should start trying to figure it out. Maybe a therapist can help with this?

But, I think once you'll figure it out, you may be able to overcome this urge to cut other people out of your life. It may require a lot of effort, but that's just unavoidable for people with PTSD and similar conditions... It seems like a lot of those things are more difficult for us.

I think it's really worth it to maintain relationships with people. Personally I found that when I'm able to talk profoundly with someone, it has therapeutic effects on me. So I try to do it more often.

It's still difficult for me to reach that point, but it's better now than it was 5 years ago...