Sufferer Newbie To The Forum, Son Killed In Accident Plus Job Related Ptsd, Diagnosed 2 Years Ago.

[GRANOLA]

Hi everyone,
Just trying to figure how things work in here. I'm not big into FaceBook or chatting.

I have to admit I have been checking out the ptsd forum for about a year. I never had the nerve to join or to tell other people about my stuff.

To start with was diagnosed with complicated PTSD 2 years ago.

All of my jobs have contributed to it in one form or another: Paramedic, Backcountry Park Ranger, and Enforcement Officer.

What brought the ptsd on was, my 18 year old son was killed at work while riding as a passenger in 2009
So that's why I'm here.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum Granola. :)

 

[GRANOLA]

I seem to be having a really difficult time lately. The last two times (3 months apart) I have experienced severe rage directed at my husband. This scares me to no end. My husband is my best freind and biggest supporter, we have been together for thirty years. Being violent and angry is not me. A week ago I had the worst outburst, triggers had been piggybacking for about three weeks. I had been to my gp and she was so frustrated about having to do all the paperwork for my LTD. It turnout her office had screwed up the paperwork and had not sent in the last assessment. Anyhow that was the last trigger. I went home and tried to forget about it and I used my tools.

Its like a switch flips and I'm not in control anymore. I get all upset and don't want to call or talk to anyone. Then I do the one thing that makes it all fall apart, I drink. I've only drank 4 times in the last year and each time its been my coping mech. I didn't get angry until later in the evening it was out of frustration. My husband was smart and stayed clear of me, he treated it like I was having a siezure. He tired to keep me from selfharm, while I smashed the blender, put a chair thru the sittingroom window and smashed a candle against the washroom mirror. After all that he said I calmed down and ask him to take me to the hospital.

My daughter and my bestfreind met us there. I ended up with sme stitches and a blank spot in my memory. My husband told me what had happened thats how I am able to describe it.

I have never been violent in my life, I am the total opposite. I have had growing anger for the last 2 years but have always been able to control it. It scares me to death.

I saw my therapist yesterday, she says I'm trying to do too much. I can do only one thing a day, for example got to an appointment thats it. I'm so frustrated with my life right now. I did just read the "spoon theory", which I have a hard time thinking that I am that sick an that it applies to me.

Anyone have any suggestions or advice?
I guess I rambled too much.

 

[KP the nut]

I just wanted to stop by and say Hi.

 

[GRANOLA]

Thanks, Ayesha and KP.
Its been a tough day and I'm glad I signed up.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Granola,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

Anger and rage are not uncommon emotions, but with PTSD they can be over the top and completely overwhelming. If I understand your therapist is telling you to reduce the stress in your life. Is she also giving you the tools you need to process the emotions that are causing the angry outbursts? Has she given you any suggestion or tools for managing stress in a healthy manner?

Be as open and honest with your family as you can so they understand that they are not the cause of your anger. Writing out your thoughts and feelings is a great release and can also help you discover the source of your anger. Exercise, meditation, and engaging in activities you enjoy can also help to lessen the intensity.

Wishing you the best.

Debbie

 

[GRANOLA]

I think the source of my anger is partly the frustration I'm experiencing trying to get additional therapy. I'm on LTD which runs out in this fall. Jumping through all the right hoops to get assistance and information is exhausting and endless. No one seems to know who to refer you to or if there is an inpatient program for PTSD trauma therapy.

Im going to start journalling again as you suggested. When I'm well enough to go out I exercise and socialize.

My therapist has provided me with tools. I find that I'm my own worst enemy, not paying attention or being mindful how stressed I am.

Lots of work to do, I'll try you suggestions.

Thanks Debbie

 

[therapybankrupt]

Welcome Granola!

 

[Loloma]

Hi Granola and welcome to the forum.