Carolyn Joan Simon
New Here
Hi. My name is Carolyn Simon. I'm studying linguistics/psychology at Carleton University. I grew up on a first Nations reservation and was exposed to violence and substance abuse at such a severity I thought it was normal. I live in my own world in my head and constantly pretend everything's okay. I noticed that when I left the reservation I wasn't being attacked by anyone and wasn't getting harassed by anyone. I didn't witness any fights and it was just me on my own.
I became irritable and began lashing out. I had panic attacks and anxiety. I began to fight on my own boyfriend and endured emotional flashbacks. If I ran into a trigger I would react and feel the same way that I would when I was on the reserve. I became defensive and believed my boyfriend would leave me. I tried to forget my past because I thought it was just so normal. But it wasn't... I was just too caught up in my own world.
I became suicidal and began to drink and cut myself. I couldn't control my emotions. I went into crisis and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. When I came home for the summer, my mom took me to see someone who worked on reserve. She began to look through my symptoms AND the past that I was so afraid to look at and diagnosed me with PTSD and depression. I am still in denial about it but am starting to accept the diagnosis. I didn't realize that my past had hurt me so much! I thought how I was feeling was normal, but it wasn't. It is not normal to live in the past so much and become so anxious.
It all makes sense now. Why I tried so hard to hide from my past and live in my own world. I need help and support now, I guess.
I became irritable and began lashing out. I had panic attacks and anxiety. I began to fight on my own boyfriend and endured emotional flashbacks. If I ran into a trigger I would react and feel the same way that I would when I was on the reserve. I became defensive and believed my boyfriend would leave me. I tried to forget my past because I thought it was just so normal. But it wasn't... I was just too caught up in my own world.
I became suicidal and began to drink and cut myself. I couldn't control my emotions. I went into crisis and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. When I came home for the summer, my mom took me to see someone who worked on reserve. She began to look through my symptoms AND the past that I was so afraid to look at and diagnosed me with PTSD and depression. I am still in denial about it but am starting to accept the diagnosis. I didn't realize that my past had hurt me so much! I thought how I was feeling was normal, but it wasn't. It is not normal to live in the past so much and become so anxious.
It all makes sense now. Why I tried so hard to hide from my past and live in my own world. I need help and support now, I guess.
