Oregon ( Southern ) 25 Year Old Girl Ptsd Need Help :*(

[Ron]

If I am hearing you right, you did the right thing and called 911, but nobody believed you? You did exactly what you were supposed to do.The people who didn't believe you should be feeling what your feeling right now. I believe you are blamesless. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You are very courageous for talking about it.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Sweet (((((((((((((Robin)))))))))))))),

Good for you for calling the police, and making a police report!!!
To do that, on the same day that you had a couple of teeth pulled, shows "True Grit" and a strong spirit!
That's the way to do it, Hon!

I'm so proud of you!!!

I hope you heal rapidly... I'm so sorry you were in pain. I hope you are using ice and pain meds, and can get some good rest tonight (and some good ice cream!)

Sending love and hugs!!! (((((((((((Robin))))))))))
Deer

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi Robin, learned something today you can try if you want:

Imagine what percentage of blame you were responsible for (with your friend), now assign a percentage of blame to all others involved (including him). Now, if the total doesn't add up to a 100% (it's too much, etc), go back and rethink and assign new percentages so the grand total is 100%. See what the end result is.

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

Ron,

I called 911 and they came and got Craig, but the hospital didn't evaluate him and they released him that night. My boyfriend and I stayed up with him until 4am after he got out of hospital talking to him and he was mad at me for calling. At one point when the police were on the phone, I believe he was getting the gun out while I was in the living room. I do not know if he was going to shoot himself then or what...

The next day he died and the police notified us. I don't think I'm alone in thinking this is my fault, one of my friends agreed at one point that if I hadn't called the police he wouldn't have done it that day. I spent so much time with him because I knew he was suicidal and that he needed me to help him cope. He also had panic attacks like I did so he trusted me when he talked to me.

For a long time I feel like I kept him going, but then at the same time I feel like he would still be here if I had handled that day different. Trying to figure out with my T...

Thanks for writing

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

((((Deer))))

You are so sweet! Luckily the guy turned out to be my friend's bf, so now I know who it is. Was nervous calling the police but had KP here so that helped. You make me sound kind of brave but I was scared to death!

My teeth feel awful (whining). For some reason the gums on the opposite side from where my teeth were pulled are also throbbing

. Thanks for your healing thoughts!

((((Junebug))))

This is an interesting idea. I made one of those bubble charts you use in school to outline stories and right now blame is set at 220%. What I did was in each person/facility's bubble I put reasons why blame was appropriate or not. I'm intrigued as I seem to have written a lot of things that went wrong or were done wrong, and they weren't all in my bubble as I thought they would be.

I have an appointment with my T tomorrow and am taking this chart with me. I know she will want to work on original PTSD issues (reasons I had it before he died), but I think this could be important for this problem. I had not thought of all the things that went wrong that I did not cause.

Thank you for this idea, I feel like this will lead to some progress

If nothing else, I have an icebreaker for tomorrow's appointment! I have a fairly new T so am still nervous when I first get there.

Thanks! Hugs to both of you!!!
Robin

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Sweet ((((((((((((((Robin)))))))))))))),

You ARE brave! You were very, very scared (isn't KP a gem?!), and you still did it! THAT is part of the definition of courage, of being brave. To be terrified, and yet to do the right thing.

Way To Go!!! The smartest and best warriors have felt fear...and they they are incredibly courageous! Don't equate the FEELING of fear to thinking you're a wimp. You are not a wimp, weak or a coward when you do what's right, even when you're incredibly frightened!

You did great! I know, because I have a stalker in my life. What you did was the absolute correct thing to do. I'm proud of you for listening to KP and the police, they have your best interests at heart.

You might want to read Gavin de Becker's book "The Gift of Fear." He is a security specialist (protecting people in all walks of life), incredibly knowledgeable and his book is a wonderful read on how to harness the true gift of what fear actually is, to utilize it for your well-being and safety. I think every woman should read this book (the good guys, too).

(I wonder if your girlfriend is ok. She sure has an unbelievable jerk for a boyfriend.) Make certain you don't have any interactions with him, or be in a situation where he is around, even if it means having to give up your friendship with your girlfriend for a while. Your safety is very important.

---
You have every right to whine about your teeth :). Having teeth extracted hurts! The opposing gums would hurt, because the dentist had to use some leverage and brace on that spot in order to get the teeth out. It takes a lot of force to pull a tooth if it's still well-anchored in the jaw.
_________

I think it's very important to talk about Craig. Therapy doesn't have to take place in chronological order. I first started therapy for help with dealing with the stalker. We didn't get to underlying causes of the PTSD, until some of the latest, most pressing issues were addressed.

((((((((((((((Robin)))))))))))))
Continuing to send healing wishes your way!
Love,
Deer

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

(((((((((((Deer))))))))))),

I like your definition of brave!

It's scary to call the police because that's part of how Craig died, it feels like calling them will always be a mistake. I'm glad KP was on, KP is great!

I hope that everything is under control with the stalker you mentioned...that is very scary. Do they know who it is? Are you safe? Getting worried now...

I read a lot so I wrote down the name of that book and will look for it at my bookstore next time I go.

Fear and guilt seem to be big parts of my life...so maybe that would help a bit.

My friend gets in to a lot of bad relationships, but she doesn't listen to me when I try to help. The first bad one the guy tried to hit me too and she got mad at me for trying to call police because he was hurting her. I don't want to not be there for her, but at the same time she is also not very supportive for me.

That sounds strange...an example would be the other day I was going to have to start living at a homeless shelter because my mom that I moved in with was scared she wouldn't get as much money from the state if I lived with her. My friend didn't even acknowledge a word I said and started going on about some problem she was having...she does this constantly. The only time she mentions anything about me is to criticize me or if she is mad. The other day she yelled at me because I told somebody her boyfriend wanted a surround sound system...

My teeth are more sore today than before!

I have pain medicine and it's been just a few days but for some reason today they feel worse. Scared that means something is wrong.

I think it would be hard to deal with underlying issues until I deal with feelings about Craig...takes up so much of my thoughts even though it has been a while now. Have an appointment with my T in a few hours so getting myself all stressed out. Not used to her yet, but she seems nice. Always get nervous going in and afterwards sometimes am so upset.

Thank you for your healing wishes!

You are such a kind person, having your message pop up this morning on my phone made me feel happy! Very glad I found this site and you (as well as others!). In these few days have felt more like I'm actually dealing with things instead of trying to hold them in. Seeing people that have gone through same things makes me feel not as alone, even though it is hard to see other people in pain too. I think that makes sense...

Have to go for now...I look up and it looks like I wrote a book!

Thinking about going up and deleting things but I think I will just let it be...

Hugs to all!!
Robin

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

It's crazy that a visit with new T can take me from feeling pretty normal and leave me exhausted, feeling so depressed, crying. I've kept composed up until this visit, so I think I scared her when I started crying and going on and on. Feel bad.

Scared that my bf for last 6 1/2 years is going to stop loving me. Scared I won't get in to new doctors office so they can fix my meds so I will be depressed forever. Scared of not finding job and not having home.

Feel so low...my T asked me if I needed to go to hospital and I thought she was overreacting but maybe not. Going to lay down. Teeth hurt and depressed ...

 

[anni]

At least try not to be scared that your reactions to therapy aren't as normal as what anyone's would be, where you are, with what you have to deal with. Pain does not at all help, either. I know you have regular pain meds, but taking some normal anti-inflammatory might help-part of the pain caused by those extractions is from the swelling, not 'just' the healing tissue. Ibuprofen, if it's something you can take personally might help?

Maybe re-read Deer's last post, the one which seemed to help ground you a lot- see if it helps again, possibly get back to some peace in your head. It's tough to make decisions with all that fear/adrenaline in the way, I know.

If you are struggling to decide whether or not to go get help in the hospital, it's such a personal choice. Whatever you decide, be kind to yourself, ok? We're here.

Hugs-

Anni

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

((((Anni))))

Definitely will start taking an anti-inflammatory, my pain meds would not take care of the swelling. At least have not lost any of the blood clots and gotten a dry socket.

Re-reading the posts that made me feel better do help, thanks for the advice! I don't think hospital is good idea...I know that when I get my meds fixed I will feel a lot better. Have had meds stop working in past and thought it wouldn't get better, but it did.

Other stuff is harder: trying to get a job while dealing with barrier after barrier (biggest barrier seems to be myself at times, either because depressed or other reasons), trying to be optimistic about living situation and relationships with my boyfriend and my mom.

Trying to think positive for today...going to spend more time with my boyfriend so that always makes me happy :)

Hugs :)
Robin

 

[anni]

I think part of the reason the forum 'works' is that if someone has been here for a bit, they know what's been helpful themselves in the past, so get to pass that on, you know? The thing about going back and re-reading something is something I've done for awhile now, plus I have this handy-dandy thing in documents-cut and paste blurbs of stuff I've come across here which seemed really helpful or profound. I know I have no hope of remembering where the heck to find anything if I wish to see it again :) so save things like a PTSD packrat.

Jobs, parents, home- sometimes good to take a break from worries like you are for a day or so-spend time regrouping where it feels good like with the boyfriend, come back less fragmented and stronger. Sometimes I get to leave a lot of worries on my poor husband's chest, along with most of my mascara. :)

 

[blueangel371115]

welcome again Lil' Red. We are kind an understanding people. Most, if not all, of us have had hard knocks of our own. Good to see you here.