Oregon ( Southern ) 25 Year Old Girl Ptsd Need Help :*(

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

I think part of the reason the forum 'works' is that if someone has been here for a bit, they know what's been helpful themselves in the past, so get to pass that on, you know? The thing about going back and re-reading something is something I've done for awhile now, plus I have this handy-dandy thing in documents-cut and paste blurbs of stuff I've come across here which seemed really helpful or profound. I know I have no hope of remembering where the heck to find anything if I wish to see it again :) so save things like a PTSD packrat.

Jobs, parents, home- sometimes good to take a break from worries like you are for a day or so-spend time regrouping where it feels good like with the boyfriend, come back less fragmented and stronger. Sometimes I get to leave a lot of worries on my poor husband's chest, along with most of my mascara. :)

(((Anni)))

I will definitely be doing the cut and paste thing!! Thank you!! That's an excellent way to keep track of the things that help.

I got to spend most of the last few days with my boyfriend.

We have been together 6 1/2 years and he is my rock. I have definitely left plenty of mascara on him as well.

Decided tonight I will not let myself worry about anything. I let myself overload and suddenly it felt like my brain just decided it was too much. I know by tomorrow I will be worrying about everything again, but having a nice respite right now.

Thank you for your help blueangel, and for putting up with my questions! It's easier to talk to people on here because they have been through horrible things too. I've already seen a lot of people who had hard childhoods, suicides, etc. It helps to feel a connection, but is hard to see that they have had to go through these things too...

Hopefully, while I get better I can try to be supportive and maybe help somebody the way people here have helped me.

Hugs,
Robin

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

Was just sitting here thinking...and was wondering if anybody knew if PTSD and insomnia can be related? It seems the more symptoms I have with one, the worse the other gets. Almost 5 a.m. right now and I'm not tired...feel like it's the middle of the day.

 

[amethist]

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/forums/sleep-nightmares.25/[/DLMURL]

You will find quite a few threads in this section, as well as the one below that. So many things go pear shaped when PTSD is in your life.

The more you read in the Articles and the main PTSD area, the more you will understand and slowly work out how to get on top of them. No easy way and no quick fix, just time and a heck a lot of hard work on your part.

Amethist

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

Thank you for the link!

 

[spursfan80]

I know how you feel after seeing your T - mine leaves me absolutely shattered. All I can do is get home and sleep for a couple of hours before I can do anything else. As for finding a T to trust, this is the fifth one I've been to and she actually said in my last session that we were getting somewhere!!! That made me cry even more than I had been (I'm sure she's got shares in a tissue company!)

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

Spurs- I'm glad I'm not the only one! My appointment is two days away and I'm getting more and more nervous as it gets closer. Hoping that my next session won't become a meltdown-fest. I'm glad you are getting somewhere in your sessions! That's great! I hope that I am getting somewhere. I think I like my therapist but there are times when I'm still not sure about her yet.

So much crazy stuff is happening right now. Keeps feeling like so much more than I can handle. Tired of feeling used, wondering if people really care, of not having enough money to get food, of thinking about my dad and when I was a kid, of feeling so guilty for Craig dying, of not being able to find a job, of not waking up alone instead of next to my partner, of wondering if I'm going to be homeless, of being pressured by family to "just let them borrow" the meds I need to get by, of being tired.

I don't know how much I can handle. I keep feeling like it's too much and I can't do it anymore, and then I feel guilty. Scared won't be able to keep from cutting. Have been so careful and kept from doing it because everyone won't like me if they know. Started when I was 6 years old, didn't know what I was doing was kind of subconscious type thing at that age. I know if I do it now how much everyone will judge me, they won't understand how it helps the pain.

Tired, haven't gotten to sleep and it's almost 5 am, Sorry I rambled. Hope nobody is mad, I really like the people here and don't want you guys not to like me too. Need to go to sleep before I type every thought in my head...

Robin

 

[spursfan80]

(((((Robin))))) You keep typing!

I haven't spoken to many people about what's going on with me but since I've found this site, I feel I can type away! Still can't speak to people, but at least it's getting the words out of me somehow!

I know what you mean about the cutting. I discovered that my cat liked to fight with my arm - brilliant way of cutting and still honestly able to say I haven't been cutting... I managed to stop for two months (I cut his claws so they weren't as sharp!) but last night let him do it again. When I realised what I was doing, I realised how much it hurt, not just physically, but I was screaming at myself (in my head) not to do it and shoved him off the bed. Worn a jumper today to hide my guilt.

Found a verse a friend gave me a whie back: ...I know that you will keep on doing everythign you can - a day at a time - and you will get through this triumphantly...

Keep going!

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

Thanks Spursfan80!!

So...haven't been on in a bit. My life has pretty much shattered. Was going to be homeless but it sounds like my friend will let me stay there tomorrow and hopefully until I can get on my feet, if I do. Scared my life can't get put back together. Have always had my mom to talk to and now she's moving me out so she doesn't loose any state aid. Feel like hell.

Oh, and can't forget: I'm about 3 weeks late. Test was neg but still not starting and haven't been feeling great. Scared,

Robin

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

Hope everybody is doing okay tonight. Thinking about all of you, thankful to have found you guys!

Robin

 

[Nicolette]

My life has pretty much shattered. Was going to be homeless but it sounds like my friend will let me stay there tomorrow and hopefully until I can get on my feet, if I do.

Sounds like you have a good friend Robin. It's really sad that your mother had to make the choice she did.

Don't forget that if you are overly stressed and out of whack it usually reflects in your hormones so hopefully that is the only reason for you being late as I don't think it sounds like the right time to add to all you are having to deal with.

Wishing you a good outcome on all counts.

 

[Cthulhu]

Well, I can't write anything that many others haven't already said but I think you were and are very brave, too!
I know very well how it feels to lose a good friend that way and how all those questions inside yourself hurt and just drive you crazy. You actually did something that I wasn't powerful and brave enough for when I should have done something.
Now you have to live with the guilt for having done something and I have to do the same for haven't done what would have been necessary. It really wasn't your fault.

The next day he died and the police notified us. I don't think I'm alone in thinking this is my fault, one of my friends agreed at one point that if I hadn't called the police he wouldn't have done it that day.

Maybe your friend was right, maybe not... If one really cannot stand his life anymore he will eventually do it if he doesn't get professional help. If not today, then maybe tomorrow. So you did the absolutely right thing- unfortunately it just didn't turn out to help...

I spent so much time with him because I knew he was suicidal and that he needed me to help him cope. He also had panic attacks like I did so he trusted me when he talked to me.

I'm absolutely sure he appreciated the time you spent with him and that it helped him. But sometimes life just is greater than a single person and even if there are very good things you cannot stand it. Like others wrote before- there must have been severe problems which a single person couldn't help him with.
What you did is more than very many other people would have done, you can be proud of yourself :).

 

[blueangel371115]

(((Anni)))



Thank you for your help blueangel, and for putting up with my questions! It's easier to talk to people on here because they have been through horrible things too. I've already seen a lot of people who had hard childhoods, suicides, etc. It helps to feel a connection, but is hard to see that they have had to go through these things too...

Hopefully, while I get better I can try to be supportive and maybe help somebody the way people here have helped me.

Hugs,
Robin

You are much welcome. ;) I'm paying it forward. I was once in your shoes.

Oh, and can't forget: I'm about 3 weeks late. Test was neg but still not starting and haven't been feeling great. Scared,

Robin

If you can, I'd see a doctor or clinic. A little off topic, but I'm a product of three negative pregnancy tests. Do what you feel is right, Robin. Take care and hugs.