Oregon ( Southern ) 25 Year Old Girl Ptsd Need Help :*(

[anni]

Hi Red,

I Hope you don't mind if I shorten your user name? By the time I get to the end of yours I've forgotten what I'm going to say. :)

Your neighbor's suicide was the result of an awful lot of things in his life which to him seemed unmanagable. He wasn't thinking correctly, either, and did not receive help he needed from professional sources, probably for a number of reasons, none of them having to do with you. None of this had you in the equation. On top of all these elements leading to the suicide of someone you cared about, someone said something careless and hurtful to you, which led you to further take the responsibility of his death onto your shoulders- I'm so sorry. People are baffling. Perhaps this person merely said something thoughtless or was genuinely trying to place 'blame' when of course there was none, really.

It sounds like you were put in a position where you did do what any person why cared about someone would have done, you know-you tried to get him help. There's simply nothing else one could have done, please don't allow his angry words to keep hurting you so terribly. It's ok to believe your counselor with this-she wishes your healing through the truth, that's all.With far less traumatic circumstances, a lot of us 'secretly' feel our T's will somehow see the 'real' us and think we're awful people in the end. They do not,since there's no awful person in there, just guide us to thinking correctly again. and help heal the wounds.

There really are a lot of very helpful articles on the home page here, if you haven't seen them already. Sometimes it's incredibly helpful to read these as they pertain to you or your situation-you'll see something which you recognize, like an 'Ah ha! That's how I feel', or better, 'That's why I feel this way'. It doesn't make it go away but it is helpful with knowing others have been there and come through all the pain, that there are reasons, then treatments and results.

Please do keep posting where you can. I think you're doing a nice job getting this much out, and even writing it is sometimes helpful with dealing with some of the awful pain you have with this. Do please take care,

Anni

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((Red))))

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear 'Red', Welcome!

There is absolutely nothing more on Earth that you could have done to help your friend. His anguish and giref was not something that it sounds like anyone could overcome or share.
Please know that his angry words (at a moment of temprary insanity) were absolutely no reflection on you, or him caring for or about you, either; if anything he sounded like he was upset he got interrupted with a plan already in place.
A person (figuratively speaking) with their "clothes on fire" does whatever they can to extinguish them, they are focused only on that. It is like the emotional-equivalent of cancer- not his fault or yours. But I am certain if he had been able to realize what anguish it causes you now he would be horrified.

I can say with absolute certainty, that he cared for you to speak to you, or he wouldn't have answered the phone (too), and it is obvious you cared for him. I have nothing to gain to say that, and I am not doing so to make you feel better (though I hope you will find peace and healing).

Please remember that your friend would only want you to forgive yourself, to take care of yourself, and to go on to build a remarkable life filled with joy. To forgive him, if and when you are able, and remember all the good qualities about him and the good memories you had together.

It sounds to me, he was able to 'hang on' longer with you as a neighbour and friend- if anything you probably extended his life.
But you didn't cause his suicide- (or the thoughts and feelings he was experiencing), you couldn't 'cure it', and you couldn't control it.
But you did provide what you could- nonjudgmental care, and genuine concern.
You did the right thing.

-Hugs + + to you

 

[Vee Lagrome]

It must have been very difficult for you to worry for your neighbor - that he might hurt himself or do something that would kill him, and I'm sure you wanted to do everything you could to prevent that from happening to him and his family. Suicide is really an awful thing for families to go through, as you well know, having experienced it before your neighbor decided to kill himself. However, you cannot control what others decide to do. You did as much as you could reasonably have done by calling 911, and they decided that his suicidal intentions were not a serious enough risk to take seriously. It's extremely sad that your neighbor, who was definitely suffering and hurting and was in desperate need of help was let down by a lot of people. I think it was quite heroic of you to try to stand in and get him the help that he needed.

When loved ones die, or worse, kill themselves, we have this habit of looking through the past and studying every single detail of our interactions with that person. We try hard to see what we did wrong, how we failed, so that we can prevent this horrible thing from happening again. What's worse is when you did everything right and the larger system around us all failed to do what it was supposed to do. It is so difficult to stomach that, because we can't control the larger system. The system usually does work, but on those few occasions, lets individuals in dire need slip through the cracks. So, what do you do? Lose all faith in the system and live in constant fear that no one will get the help they need? No, we blame ourselves because it's more convenient and it's less scary. If it's your fault that he died, the world isn't as scary, but if the fault lies with the 911 operator or the emergency response system, then what do you do about it?

It's difficult, and I can understand the turmoil that your brain is wrapped in. I sincerely hope you are able to give yourself the praise you deserve for the things you did right and forgive yourself for whatever you didn't do. I believe you will get there in time, but know that I do not believe that his suicide is your fault nor is his lack of professional help your fault. I think you are a big-hearted and admirable person for being so incredibly caring and loving as to take such concern for your neighbor. It says a lot about the merit of your character that you are so willing to take care of others in need. <3 :)

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

First, I wanted to thank everybody for their input and kind words.

I appreciate the hugs as well and please accept mine back!

I do believe he would have done this sooner if I had not spent so much time listening to him. This is one thing that does bring me some comfort. The night before he died my boyfriend and I sat up with him after he got out of the hospital until 4:00a.m., so I hope he realized how much we cared about him during that time.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I had all but asked him to adopt me as his daughter. He was such a nice person. He enjoyed being around his kids and he was nice to them. There was one time he rented this movie and then almost immediately stopped it because he thought his kids would like it. He ended up holding on to the rental for at least 3 weeks so he could watch it with them.

I have to go for tonight. Thank you all for your response and support :-)

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

I am happily surprised with the people I have seen on this site. I don't know when I will get to the point where I can discuss other things that have hurt me on here, but seeing how far some members have come gives me hope.

I hope, and simultaneously fear, that my T can help me to remember some of the things I cannot remember that happened as well. I wonder if the triggers that I do not understand stem from those memories.

Right now I am feeling hopeful that I can start healing with this community, and help from my T and others.

Robin

 

[Brontie]

Welcome! Lil Red Robin Hood.

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

Thank you Brontie!

Too tired to post right now, haven't been able to sleep because of my teeth, ugh :-( Hope they pull teeth soon, can't stand tooth pain!

Hope everybody is doing well, will talk to you tomorrow.

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

Scared right now, somebody called me and was threatening me. Kept telling me stuff he was going to have me do to him. He knew my name so might be my friends boyfriend but that's just the only person I can think of.

Had 2 teeth pulled today

so not in great mood in the first place..

 

[Froggie]

Hello LRRH, some people are very cruel and you did the right thing to vent out what you are feeling on this forum. This will help you put a plan in action as to what to do. You already have a lot to deal with and have assumed so many people's actions. This person is a down right coward who feels strong scaring people who are going through some pretty rough times. You've inspired me to chose a mauve colored candle for those who are needing wisdom, justice, love and acquire empowerment. Candle burning for you and all the others today

 

[anni]

I hope you're feeling a little better from those teeth-that's just no fun except it will give you some relief from the tooth pain.

Being scared by some drip over the phone who feels he has the right violate your peace in that way is awful- I do know from experience. I say 'drip' because you just can't give this person any more power over you than that of a minor derogatory term-some coward all puffed up in self importance, hiding behind a phone line, frightening a female- big man! If it's possible, it would be a good idea to report this- the police won't be able to do more than record the fact that you had this incident, but it will be an 'official' report, so helpful. Maybe you don't feel brave, but making an awful lot of 'noise' about it by way of how the incident has caused you to immediately take action can be helpful. I was just told that this sort of person's behaviour can sometimes be nipped in the bud if they see there's a show of strength from their 'victim'. Bullying is no fun if the other person is 'bigger' than you are. Cowards at heart, all of them.

It does sound like you took such good care of a terribly depressed friend. I'm glad you're starting to be able to process his death as the result of his depression and hopelessness, and you no doubt added much to his life while he was here. Keep being kind to yourself, it's such a good start to the healing- but I'm sure your T is telling you that daily. :)

Take care,

Anni

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

((((Froggie))))

Thank you for your candle, you are so kind and thoughtful!

(((Anni))))

Thank you for your kind words as well.

I spoke with KP right after it happened and KP got me to call the police. The things the guy said were vile. I found out who it was and that they used an application to make their phone number show up different. It turns out it was my friend's boyfriend.

Don't really know what to do now, don't want to make people mad but it scared me really badly. I've had "minor" stalker in the past. Minor in that nothing serious happened, and was able to resolve the situation; however, things like this still bother me because of that.

I know my friend dying isn't the original cause of my PTSD, the original cause happened when I was very little, but I hope that I'm doing right things to heal. Hopefully my T will be able to help with the original cause in future. I don't remember everything that happened, the things I do remember scare me they are so vivid and hurtful. I wish I had started dealing with this more before what happened with my neighbor, my doctor and 3 Ts diagnosed me and I'm just now getting treatment...I guess a little bit of denial on my part.

This site has been helping: the articles, the people, reading other people's posts and seeing I'm not alone. I want to thank everyone on this site for being so great! It is amazing to have a place to go to where you can talk and not feel like you are being judged. A place where people understand what you are going through and don't label you like an outcast.

Hugs to everyone

Robin