A few things, first, hello Spacwti and welcome to the forum. I haven't posted in this section before (suffer from PTSD due to career in Law Enforcement, not a carer) but I guess your cry for help made me want to respond. You haven't clarified what your wife was diagnosed with, so I will just asume that it is PTSD.
I agree with you that no one should be diagnosed from what one has written in a few paragraphs. I will not judge your character but having said that, the bitterness and resentment sure do come through in what you have written. Not judging you, just stating the obvious to all who have read what you have written.
As I see it, your wife has been diagnosed with some form of mental illness. During this time you are asking her to "soldier on" or "buck up" and if she doesn't or isn't capable of doing so you think it absolves you of "soldering on". My god man, be a man. I respect you serving your country but that statement appears to be written by a petulent five year old rather than a husband, father and soldier. It's your life to live, married or not, active participant in your child's life or not. We all make our own choices and live with those decisions.
As to your statement "if you want to be sick, you will. if you want to be well, you can, with regard to mental illness." I need to ask, do you know anything about PTSD. You have a wife just recently diagnosed with PTSD and you expect her to be fine if she wills it???? If that were the case, none of us would be here! None of us diagnosed with PTSD want to live with it! My personal feeling is that there is no "cure" for PTSD, the best that I can hope for is learning how to live with it and still have a productive life. I would be very grateful if you could give me your secret on how just wanting to be well will make it so. PTSD is complex and to heal requires a great deal of time, effort, treatment and yes, resolve to get better. If you are not willing to give your wife time, then so be it.
As to your statement "i accept that life isnt simple and easy.. i grasp that. but if i am the only one heaving the weight around, and dancing on my tiptoes for a person who doesnt even try to understand MY fire, or my dreams or goals, then i have no patience or love for a person like that." Again, not judging, just stating the obvious about that which you have written, is all about you.
I love my partner. When I am having a bad day, I depend on her to pull more of the weight in our relationship. Knowing this, on my good days, I try to carry more than my share of the relationship weight. This didn't come about in one day, week, or month. I have learned this over a great deal of time, time which your wife hasn't had yet to sort out her issues. I also can say, time that you haven't had for yourself either to figure things out. On my bad days, my partner's desires, dreams and goals take a backseat to me just trying to get through the day. Not fair, sure it isn't. Not right, you bet. Thank god though that she still believes in me, that the good outweighs the bad and that we both struggle along as we try to learn and I continue healing.
Black isn't black, white isn't white all the time when dealing with PTSD. No one on here can give you absolution regarding your doubts or concerns. All of us on here are responsible for our own decisions. We can provide others with opinions, we can learn from others opinions if we want to, we can argue, or agree and agree that we disagree but if absolution is what you need, go to a clergyman.
Regards, Riggs :wall:
