Other Night Terrors And Link To Early Trauma?

[Hashi]

bitzer, I think we hold different views and in addition I don't think we're communicating clearly with each other. I don't want to hijack the thread with this so I won't write more here. I'd be happy to explain my points further by PM if you or anyone wants that.

 

[Hashi]

crazynights, I've used psychic protection techniques to stop nightmares, hallucinations and flashbacks. I think all of these are a type of remembering and processing, but a desperate one. I feel like they came from a very damaged place inside me that was panicking, shouting to be heard and out of control.

My personal take on it is to protect myself from them while at the same time giving my subconscious/central nervous system other ways to communicate what they need to (including by interpreting my dreams, writing and drawing from the subconscious, processing whatever comes up with art, journalling etc, and craniosacral therapy). Remembering and re-experiencing things in these ways can still be grim, but it's not retraumatising. For example, I've had dreams in which I re-experienced things that happened during trauma, but they weren't nightmares - they were actually quite gentle, considering - and although I was distressed after waking up, I was calm and in the present.

The basis of psychic protection is to repeatedly visualise (ie imagine in some way) powerful symbols keeping you safe. These are very personal to each individual. I found it difficult to get any help or ideas from books or the internet because so many people use images of angels, and that's not right for me. I use images like being filled with and surrounded by light that burns up the terror before it can take hold, and having a warrior version of myself always watching out and protecting me while I'm sleeping or focussed on something else.

I know not everyone would believe in this, but it works for me and I soon stopped having these horrifying and uncontrollable psychic experiences. I really worked at the visualisations, though. For about a year I did them for at least an hour before sleeping and sometimes during the day too. I don't know if other people would need to do that much. Now I spend about two minutes and that's enough. I've also kept my "commitment" to pay attention when my mind or body communicates in gentler ways, which also takes a lot of time - writing about dreams and so on. It's a lot of time and effort, but the stuff I was going through in the early days of working on healing was so horrific and terrifying I was willing to do whatever it took.

 

[crazynightz]

What you write Hashi really resonates with me, thank you. I feel too that what I experience is from a disturbed place deeply lodged in my psyche and on a cellular level too, brain wiring etc. I have written down some of my dreams, but inconsistently. I realise that this is my window into healing, because even my more ordinary dreams are still jam packed, full of meaning. I get a bit caught up with day to days, but realise I need to place this higher on the priority list, ie journalling.

One dream I had was in a hospital ward, and there was a baby screaming, wailing uncontrollably, it went on and on and didn't stop. Strangely others on the ward seemed oblivious. I opened a curtain to what I thought was a hospital room, but it was an operating theatre, where two surgeons were holding a tiny baby, sitting on a table, doing various things to it. The dream went on to reveal many clues to what I'm holding in my subconscious, including an intense fear of death. This I found so helpful, because I thought on an existential level I carried a healthy view of death, something I have consciously contemplated on through mindfulness etc. I have worked to integrate death into my life in a way that doesn't dread it, make it something to be pushed away, as our western culture is so adept to doing. Something that I share as a reality in nature with my children, that we are an intricate part of changing forms on earth. And yet, deeply lodged in my being is that out of control, 'out of my mind' fear of death, because of being at the brink of death numerously times as a baby, with no hope of soothing myself. Dreams do have that magical quality of unearthing aspect of trauma, that as you say, can be gentle and giving. There are so many gradients. The gentle giving ones and the insane, demonic type ones!

I am grateful for what you have shared on psychic protection. I have discussed and tried different approaches, but again not consistently. You have inspired me to take time before sleep to set up a routine & pull together symbols and imagery that speak to me. It's funny how, even when I sense and deeply know what I need to do, resistances come into play. A bit like exercise routines!

Finding this website and being able to share like this is amazing. It's not the kind of thing you generally bring up over coffee! That we are not alone in our healing and different approaches at different times will resonate and make a connection, depending on our trauma experiences, disposition/outlook on life and what we can handle. Thank you again. I hope things are good with you :)

 

[crazynightz]

Hi Bitzer,

Thanks for what you have shared on how we are brain wired in regards to trauma and self soothing. I carry a basic understanding, but am now intrigued to learn more, especially in the counselling context. You say you have specialised in infant trauma? I would like to know more about that as I suspect this will be an area I move more into. Ever since benefiting immensely from counselling myself (& continue to) & then going on to train, I've always wanted to understand why working with trauma has naturally drawn me. I realise now that it's because it's part of the landscape of who I am, and have always been. I was that child that couldn't bear suffering, to animals, people, nature, what ever. I couldn't bear it. I think the trauma I experienced drew me into that known world of excruciating vulnerability, pain and isolation.

I'm familiar with John Briere's work on trauma and Babette Rothchild. I've done a fair bit of googling to look for trauma in relation to infants but with little luck. Can you point me in the direction of figures associated with infant trauma? That would be so great.

I'm feeling re-assured and inspired by how therapeutic work can pay dividends, in terms of a whole myriad of approaches that can be tapped into. Certainly as you say that 'safe space' that may be cultivated between a therapist and client can be immensely healing, in and of itself. And for you to get down to one night terror episode a month after them plaguing your sleep is amazing. Thanks again for responding :)

 

[rajkumar]

Hi crazynighz,

Just wanted to thank you for your reply and say I'll respond properly soon. I seem to suddenly have a lot coming up - good, but a lot - and I'm going to have to take a bit of time for that. But I was very interested in what you wrote, especially about your counsellor bringing in a shamanic approach. And i'm very happy to share about the visualisations I do.

 

[crazynightz]

Thanks Rajkumar, I look forward to hearing from you when you get a space. The counsellor I see is from the U.S and now lives in NZ. He was with a shamanic teacher for 12 years and became a counsellor after that. It has been quite an experience and really timely. I look forward to hearing about your visualisations :)