Nightmares: Getting Worse And Changing

[Kintsugi]

I am accustomed to having nightmares every night. It isn't a surprise to me. It doesn't even feel like a burden, generally, because I've become so used to it.

However, lately they seem to be getting worse in intensity, although not worse than they've ever been.

More worryingly, my nightmares are almost always about me being in danger, usually being chased by a man or many men, or they involve my mother or my brother (or both), and they center around me being helpless, weak, unable to escape, etc.

Lately--in the past two months or so--my nightmares have become extremely violent. I've had violent nightmares before, but usually it doesn't involve hand-to-hand melee. Typically, it's more like a bomb goes off, and I try to stop it, and then I witness a bloodbath. I've actually never found these nightmares particularly disturbing.

But these days I have been having nightmares about trying to kill someone, always by grabbing them and beating their head into a wall, the ground, or a table.

WTF???

It started with my mother and has spiralled out of control from that first initial nightmare. That one was the worst. I don't even remember why I was trying to kill her. I just remember doing my damndest to beat her to death against a wall.

Last night, I didn't even know the person I was trying to kill. Later in the nightmare, I encountered someone I absolutely hate, but I did not try to kill her.

Anyone? Murderous nightmares?

 

[jaccat]

I can tell you what my T tells me. She says it's a sign of trying to kill the situation, not the person. Could your mother represent something else?

 

[Kintsugi]

My mother represents passive-aggression, controlling behavior, defensiveness, disbelief, lack of attention... Take your pick! :eek:

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Yes, I dreamt I pushed my mother down a flight of stairs once. She abused me in reality so it didn't upset me too much.

 

[Kintsugi]

I feel like this may be a sign that I'm processing a lot of unfettered and buried rage.

I was in a class a few days ago for work, and the instructor asked the class, rhetorically, if we had ever been enraged and then angered so much further by the offending party smiling at us. Everyone but me nodded understandingly. I typically don't experience anger for very long before it dissolves into self-loathing, shame, or sadness. :sorry:

 

[Gadgie]

Quote.......", I dreamt I pushed my mother down a flight of stairs once. She abused me in reality so it didn't upset me too much."
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Yea! I can remember my mother drumming into me, that I had to tell the doctor at the hospital, that I had fell over, and not to say anything about her hitting me with part of a broken fence? The fence got broken by me being thrown against it?