No desire to celebrate my own birthday

[chrysaliscrushed]

The dreaded date is soon and i have no desire to celebrate it whatsoever. I don't care about the gifts or attention or dishes. My appetite is barely above zero and during my birthday the one who caused my life is always grumpy for any reason. Once it was because I didn't make a list of things the guests would eat and cooked fish on his own, expressed his dissatisfaction with me and told me to "grow out of the age of 5", i was forced to say he was right just so he wouldn't be mad for longer. Last year he was mad because i got up at 1 pm and went downtown later than the morning, thus I didn't open the balloon box as if that mattered big time. So you get the idea. I wish i could be somewhere but not here for the entire day tbh without having to listen how much of a horrible person i am.

 

[Movingforward10]

I think a lot of us can relate. I've reclaimed my birthday now. And holidays. Found my own joy in them

A pivotal moment for me was my T saying that I was worth more than my parents interaction with me on my birthday. And I realised I was. It helped shift the responsibility of someone's behaviour away from my sense of self.

What do you want to do on your birthday? You don't need to celebrate. You don't need to do anything you don't want to do.
Maybe doing what you want and not bothering about anyone else will help.

I don't know your situation but sounds like you are living with your abuser still which is tough.

 

[Friday]

So SOMEONE might wanna break out a dictionary & look up “celebrate”. Cough.

What you’re describing? Ain’t celebrating. Surviving, your birthday. Suffering through your birthday. Dealing with assholes on your birthday. And no shit. No sane person would want to deal with, suffer through, or survive any of it on some random Tuesday… much less a day culturally set aside to celebrate, grant wishes, revel in life.

***

If it helps at all? I had an amazing golden childhood in a family who loved me, and made sure my birthdays were special.

I don’t celebrate my birthday ON my birthday. Ever. (Not since I grew up). In over 20 years. I was born in the springtime. My FAVE things to do, to celebrate being alive? Involve snow & surf. So I celebrate my own birthday in the dead of winter, or height of summer.

Celebrate life, when YOU want to. Suffer through what assholes send your way when you have to. Whatever excuse they’re using to justify hurting you? “Special” days, not drying off the can opener “correctly”, etc.? Is all about them, and says nothing about you. They suck. So much so that they find excuses to suck worse than normal. f*ck. That. Noise.

 

[Maisie]

I struggle on my birthday as well. I’ve never thought about celebrating it on a different day, but worth a try.
It’s the attention on ‘me’ that I find difficult!

 

[Friday]

I’ve never thought about celebrating it on a different day, but worth a try.

I grew up in the military… we move CHRISTMAS. “Everyone else” may be celebrating on Dec25 or Jan9… but we move it to when the people we love most are there to be with us, to celebrate with us.

CELEBRATE. It’s a thing. Not a rhino. Unless it’s a rhino, in which case? Celebrate AFTER the damn rhino. Because the rhino is goooooone. f*ck the rhino. And assholes.

 

[arfie]

and during my birthday the one who caused my life is always grumpy for any reaso4n.

empathy, chrysalis. i had a heavily abused older brother who was exactly 4 years and one day older than i. not too many healthy, well-balanced 4 year boys want to share their birthdays with a brat baby sister. a heavily abused child acting out can have a younger sibling terrified of their birthday before they know what a birthday is.

fast forward 70 years and i am no longer afraid of my birthdays, but i enjoy them about as much as i enjoy paying taxes. sigh. . . come to think of it, i don't much like holidays of any stripe. my special days have a calendar all their own.