No End?

[p-no]

And yes there are ways to cope with the pain. But it is not a cure. I like running, which is painful most of the time, but it helps. A bit, a while.

Katherine8, from my own experience: It is possible to extend those "bits" and "whiles" that you already have in your life when life is not painful. In addition to that, it is possible to increase the numbers of "bits" and "whiles". Adding all those "bits" and "whiles" up, you can have a life that is balanced. And by continuing down that road, life can become mostly not painful and even good.

Hugs.

p-no

 

[Shellbell]

Hugs (((Katherine8))),

Starting writing about it on here is such a positive step towards being able to communicate about it.
You don't need to give details, or anything you are not comfortable with.

Maybe journalling in your own journal could help too. I haven't plucked up courage to journal on here yet, I'm just not ready to share in any detail. And I'm struggling talking to a counsellor. It has been 20 years since my most severe trauma, and I'm only now talking about it. It takes time. But I know it will be worth it.

This forum is a great start and people on here really do understand.

 

[heidi]

People here really do understand. So often I read here and it's like somebody says what I feel and that alone is helpful to me. Even you just writing what you feel is likely helpful to someone who is feeling the same way.

So thanks for contributing and helping all of us.

 

[Katherine8]

Thank you all for your replies. I have to think hard about your words. They are helping me. If somehow I am able to help you in any way I feel a little bit better.

 

[Kendra]

If you start feeling worse again you can try to get a hold of "The PTSD Workbook" which is written by Williams and Poijula. There is a section in that book that has helped me when I wasn't feeling so great, it is a list of reasons to not kill yourself (pages 143-4), in case any suicidal thoughts occur. The list was taken from a newsletter called Survivorship. I'm not sure how much of the section I can post as the book is copyrighted, but I think that I can post at least some of the stuff.

Some of the reasons listed to not kill yourself were:

"-Because your life has value, whether or not you can see it.
-Because it was not your fault.
-Because you didn't choose to be battered and used.
-Because they were and are wrong.
-Because you are connected to each and every other survivor and so your daily battle automatically gives others hope and strength.
-Because you will feel better, eventually.
-Because no one knows better than you the meaning of suffering, and agony deepens the heart.
-Because I am furious that we have to suffer the pain of another's evil and filth."

Those words have helped me feel better when I was feeling really bad so I thought I would share with you guys what has helped me.

 

[Katherine8]

Thank you so much Kendra.

 

[Katherine8]

I had a terrible night, worst in a long time. Lying awake for hours, having negative thoughts, wanting to shout. It's not ok now, my body hurts, I'm feeling down. I really want to sleep, but can't. I really want someone to talk to me, hold me, hug me, that's all I want to do today.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Do you have a cat or a dog? They can be very helpful as companions. They do require attention and work but they will love you all of the time.

Loneliness hurts alot. Do you have a stuffed animal? I have a blanket and some stuffed animals. I have a dog and a cat. I have a husband but he is fading fast. He has parkinsons and lewy body dementia. But his hugs mean so much to me so I really feel for you. You have to find out what you need and want and figure out what you do not need and want. I wish the best for you. HANG ON AND DO NOT GIVE UP.

 

[Shellbell]

Sending you a big cyber hug (((Katherine8)))

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Katherine 8, welcome. :inlove:

I'm not sure if the pain ever goes away, but it definitely can and does get better. Many people here are testimony to that. Even more so, it can be competed with and forgotten when good things occupy it's space instead. What PTSD tells us is a lie, (but it's hard to remember that when one feels like they are in agony). I hope each day you can do or introduce one small happy, gentle thing into your life that brings you comfort, strength and peace. The people here will help as they can, too.

Best wishes to you.

 

[heidi]

I hope you're doing better. You seem like a very beautiful soul and the world needs that.

 

[Katherine8]

Thank you for asking Heide :) Actually, it's not ok. It's as if I can't feel any happiness. I'm at work doing things like a robot. Most things could be grey as far as I'm concerned. I used to like colors but not now. I wish I could be in bed, reading Pride & Prejudice or quantum mechanics or so, something I like.