No Future!

[Bill Dickerson]

It's so hard to any future in my life. When my Mom is gone I don't know where I'll live. Yes I live and take care of my Mom.(no laughing) I am the executor of her will and by the time I split the estate into three I'll have to sell the house. Man I hate talking about this it makes me feel so shallow.

I might have some to put down on another but I'm on disability and it will take at least half to pay a note. I don't think I can stand living in an apartment.

I'm not going to meet anyone that would even consider marrying me. My only attractive feature is my sense of humor.Besides having ISSUES I seem to only able to tolerate animals and children. Everybody else just irritates me to no end. So living alone appears to be the only possibility.

I doubt I'll ever be able to work again so I can't bury myself in work. No hope of making any money. I guess I could grow and sell weed. LOL I did look at a retirement program I'm vested in and it says payable on NRD or natural retirement date. Besides it being a very small amount my NRD is twenty years away.

All I see for a future is "living in van down by the river".

Really I just see living in a hovel, alone, sharing the dog food with my cat. I just can't see what my future will be. It all looks very bleak.

 

[discarded]

Oh Bill, you make it all sound so bleak. My mum recently passed away and it was awful. My small inheritance has funded my moving into a small villa with my kids and leaving my PTSD husband on his own. He seems happy with the situation. Like you, I have little funds and worry about my future. After 28 years together I can't imagine being with anyone else, especially with all the baggage I would bring along with me.

You are wonderful to take of your mum. I am not overly spiritual person but I do believe my mum is taking care of me from where ever she is. I believe yours will look after you too. Why do you think it is that people irritate you so much? Do they not understand your situation? As a supporter I don't really understand what it must be like from the side of the sufferer and I suspect I irritate my exhusband too.

((((hugs for you))))

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I've always been a loner and all of my friends were co-workers. No job means no friends. I guess I have seen all of the stupid stuff people do to each other and it all feels so petty. I just don't make time for stupid and inane.

I wish I had someone to share with but I got divorced 20 years ago (she got the house). I spent all of my money trying to get better before I ended up on disability.

Probably like me your husband probably still cares for you and the kids but can't be around people. The people that irritate me the most are family. As for them understanding me I've never discussed with any of them my situation. I'm the crazy uncle that's locked in the basement and nobody ever talks about.

Whenever you do tell someone they always ask why....what happened. If I told some of the stuff that's happened it would curl their toes. I don't like discussing it why do I want to tell anyone anyway.

I really want to get a Modular home out in the country but that all that seems almost impossible. I'm afraid I guess. Afraid I'll end up homeless living on the street.

 

[ms spock]

I find people so irritating too Bill. It is difficult when my irritability is so high. I am working on this and it is a challenge.

It is hard when you are a carer and your options are so limited. I have limited options as well and it is very difficult. It is a grim situation to be in, indeed. I relate to your post.

Please be kind to your self Bill. Being a carer is exhausting and a thankless task in so many way. You must be exhausted and worn out as well, from caring, nevertheless from your PTSD. Can you get some respite care for some type of break? Do you have any time off? In your area is there an ACAT team that can give you some advice or assistance?

Please ignore what is not helpful.

It is hard being afraid.

 

[Philippa]

I'm sorry for your situation Bill. And hey, you can always sell weed, or other stuff ;), and live a comfy life without having to go to a boring job ever again, I'm sure many people would be envious of that. Are you creative in any way Bill? Do you draw or paint?

Maybe you can turn this situation around so it works for you a bit better than it is right now?

My family irritate me to no end too. I just don't want to be around them!

 

[Hashi]

I worry about this too. I have little enough money for now, let alone for retirement. I can't see me ever having a partner and my circle of friends has become more of a dot. I really wonder what my future is going to be like.

I find it hard to balance planning ahead and dealing with one day at a time. Not sure I'm doing either very well.

I also think there seems to be an awful lot of future ahead of me. But if that's the case, maybe there's still a chance for things to change. I'm just aiming for bearable.

I hope that somehow you get something a bit better than the van by the river. Or the hovel and a shared dog food dinner. I hope we both do!

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I don't need much. The Modular in the country is just a dream I guess.

As far as being tired I am from the PTSD. My Mom bless her heart is 80 and spends her time taking care of me. She's very independent. I took her to the doc once and the nurse was asking me the questions and my Mom piped up I can Talk!

When I left my wife I moved in with her and stayed because my kids needed a home and a yard to play in when they come over. Now she has gotten to where I handle all of her business. (With her permission of course)

 

[ms spock]

I am glad you have a good relationship with your mother Bill.

You are kind to take care of her business.

It is hard to feel so down and limited. I wish you the best, not that that helps though.

 

[Eleanor]

From the practical corner - perhaps you could find someone who has a house/hobby farm out in the country who needs a caretaker. Being reliable and living in/caring for someplace is worth something, and could reasonably be exchanged for a roof over one's head. I had a friend who lived in the "worker's house" out on a horse ranch for really minimal rent (I think it covered the water and electric) in exchange for feeding the horses on weekends and keeping an ear open at night (not hard for someone with PTSD.) I don't know where you are or if there are such places around you... but it is worth a thought.