Childhood No Knowledge Of Brother's Ongoing Abuse

[Deleted member 8714]

Except for one time in my childhood, I don't remember that one of my younger brother was physically abused on a regular basis. I remembered an incident where this brother set something on fire. He got disciplined by our dad. And that's it. That was the first time he got disciplined. Apparently it wasn't a one time deal though. My younger brother was our mother's scapegoat for physical abuse. I was our mother's scapegoat for emotional/mental abuse. I always believed that I was the only scapegoat. Now I know that's not true as of January 2017. Though I do believe he was the "official scapegoat of the family." Our mother was an abusive narcissist, at least toward me. Was she toward my brother as well? Don't know. There were two golden children in our family, my oldest brother and my youngest brother.

I'm trying to figure out how I could block out all of his abuse. He never blocked mine. He witnessed it all. His could've been done in private except for the first time I saw it.

I remembered my mother making my older brother and I report back to her about what we saw our brother doing. Narcissists are definitely sickos!

 

[Astrid_Shadow]

Yeah I agree with you. Narcissists are really messed up in the head. I'm sorry about what you and your brother went through. To think it was your own family doing this to you. The people you're supposed to trust, that's just so wrong. You never knew he was being abused? Some people are good at hiding it and faking being ok so no one worries about them. Maybe he didn't want you to know cause he knew it would hurt you.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

Astrid_Shadow,
All I can think is that he knew I was messed up from what they were doing to me on a regular basis, and he hid what happened to him to protect me.

My older brother, mother, and stepdad all emotionally/mentally abused me nearly everyday. It started with my mother one day when I had played with dolls and ripped their limbs and heads off. I had that memory recently, 2016. I woke up from a vivid dream about it. I always wondered when she started her attack on me. The conversations between her and my stepdad were quite clear. My stepdad tried to protect me from her wrath, but she continued to harp on me asking why I couldn't be like my brother (older one). I think she was disturbed by my destructive behavior. My stepdad reiterated what he'd already said numerous times to her. "She can't because you know why. She's got a different father. So shut up already."

Later though my stepdad joined in on my abuse. If my mother got too far out in her behavior, he tried to rein her back in.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Except for one time in my childhood, I don't remember that one of my younger brother was physically...

Yep, can't stand narcissists, I am being shown that there are many skeletons in my family and frankly I don't even want to know now, so long ago, just want to move forward.

What I do know is this: predators of any kind relish the idea to imprison the victim within those memories. Have been stalked and such predators looooove to attempt to imprison me in the memories, all the things they did to me and lied about it. They attempt to blur the lines between right and wrong. They attempt to confuse me, they attack me in hopes of not recognizing the truth, but alas I do know the truth, will not let them tear me down with their lies and I will certainly not let them spread lies about people that I hold dear, people who show me respect, people who would never take advantage of me, people who do not lie, people who have done for me what no one else has done for me before..... It is amazing to what extent liars go to confuse victims.

But I know the truth and there is only one that is speaking the truth other than myself and that person is in no way similar to any of those predators. They hate the truth and they hate the fact that I will allow only the truth in my life.

Nuff said........

 

[purpleswirled]

I knew my sister was abused but there are things she has confided in me that were done to her that I have no recall of. And in the past she used to doubt me when I shared some of the things that were done to me. I remember being very hurt by her denial but I look back and realise I had underestimated her suffering too. I think we both coped very differently .I think she is stronger than me though she does have some CPTSD symptoms too, albeit higher functioning and she hasn't a long mental health history in psych hospitals and self harm like me. But she has a lot of low self esteem and mistrust too. In th epaswt two years since we started opening up to each other I can see that although our coping mechanisms are different (she has undereating and overdieting issues, I am a compulsive/binge eater who purges occasionally, she is obsessd with marriage and I am scard of it) we have some similar feelings and thoughts around what we both went through. Similar conflicts.

I think she used to think I was spoilt because I am younger whereas I used to think she was respected more and taken more seriously because she was older. But i think we were both treated badly. We just dealt with it differently.I remember hearing about an auhtor who wrote a famous book called A Child Called It. The book showed the author as the scapegoat who ttook all the families abuse when the brothers were treated ok. but apparently after he left home his younger brother becamr the scapegoat who took the abuse from their mother and he has written a book about his part of the story too. Although I would still consider witnessing abuse of a sibling as a form of abuse too. I would say that just because a child isn't the scapegoat doesn't mean they have not been treated badly too in a different sort of way

just to add that in families where there is both a Scapegoat sibling and Golden Child sibling I don't always think that the Golden Child is any less abused. I think the GC in some ways tends to be more malleable and compliant to what the Narc parent wants. More easily led. And easily led people are very vulnerable

 

[Deleted member 8714]

purpleswirled:
Thank you for the different perspective on Narcissistic families. I read on another website that there can be more than one SG. That I didn't know before. So I suspect my brother was a SG like me. He was two years younger than me so his abuse occurred at the same time as mine. As a young adult he used to drink and do drugs for many years until he got into a treatment program and then therapy. My other two brothers are GC and have never been in therapy.

I know how witnessing someone's abuse can affect you. I was forced to watch my father rape, torture, and then kill young homeless boys. I still hear their screams and see their horror filled faces. I don't know if that will ever go away.

My brother witnessed my abuse all the time. He was right there in the room when it occurred. He never participated though I wondered why he never tried to stop it. Now I understand why.

 

[purpleswirled]

purpleswirled:
Thank you for the different perspective on Narcissistic families. I read on another w...

I was too afraid to help my sister or anyone. I was paralysed with fear so I couldn't move... it has been horrible....after all i was a victim too- my dad would SG me one day then my sister the next or my mum, we were all hurt by him