D
Deleted member 5760
Ooooh, I feel like Kevin Rudd
Ok, firstly I’d like to give a big thank you to all the staff – they’re excellent and they’re a great team. So this is in no way, shape or form a shot at the moderators or admin.
There’s an article placed on the entry of this site entitled photographically ‘It’s Time’. That article is the reason I did this. When this site becomes a burden it is time to stop. When this site becomes a trigger and not a healer – it’s time to stop. It’s time to change the writing on that wall to ‘GET A LIFE’.
It’s also been an excellent learning experience. I don’t think I really belong in a position of authority because it’s in my nature to question authority – and questioning myself constantly became exhausting. Especially considering I always thought I was right. (Why would I tie myself up in knots questioning myself over and over when my gut is saying ‘you’re right? Why are you questioning me?’).
By the time I was ‘done’ I didn’t want to go anywhere near PTSD forcibly. That’s the biggest section. There is more to me than PTSD. I didn’t want to make it my job, my life, everything I think I am. I would rather take it and use it in some other creative way. I would log on and think ‘oooh no, today my job is PTSD – obviously that’s what I am’. I’d start to want to avoid it. I’d want to run to chit chat and have a laugh because my entire day – the definition of me – felt like PTSD. There is more to all of you than PTSD. I believe when you’ve reached this conclusion it’s working.
It’s my personal observation that there are many members here who do need to read the ‘It’s Time’ article again. They are stuck and they will remain stuck until they no longer wish to be stuck. If you are stuck and not moving forward I recommend you examine why. Is it your therapist, your medication, your spouse – or is it YOU? Perhaps ‘stuck’ has become (although ironic) a rather comfortable and unchallenging position.
I personally begin to become stale without a challenge which makes me feel alive and like myself.
I don’t wish to waste my life here. It’s an incredible teaching tool (and I’ll certainly hang around as an observer and participant because I really do love you all), but it’s also part of something which most certainly has a life span. I believe in the long run, staying in a position of moderator for me for any great length of time would have prevented better things in my life, and held me back from positions more suitable to me.
To my loving partner, Gemma, who I have neglected due to this position – I am sorry. I became so wrapped up in this PTSD site that there were times you needed me and I wasn’t there because my focus was on other people and PTSD. You ground me and I am the luckiest woman alive to have you. I refuse to choose PTSD over you. We don’t need this site to make it. This site never made us, we did.
To my therapist – who sat me down in my last session and told me I had amazing insight – thank you. You picked up the doctor’s report and pointed out that under ‘defence mechanisms’ my GP had listed ‘great insight’. I said ‘but I only spent 20 minutes with him. How could he tell?’. Your answer ‘because it’s THAT obvious with you’. Thank you. I now understand what you meant. Without the help of professionally trained therapists I do not know where I would be.
To Anthony and Nicolette – thank you. I will always list you as a guiding light in my life. I am sorry if I let you down. I sincerely hope you understand that my rejecting the position was a testament to the wonderful force this site has been. First and foremost – comes your own sanity and those you love.
And to Mum - who said 'my smile got bigger and bigger as you were reading that to me' when I asked her 'What do you think?'
Thank you.
P.S – To that person circling me as I make this 'speech' – I’ve given you a name. It’s PTSD. Yes, you, the one who is laughing at me saying ‘Clap Clap For the Handicapped’ – you can leave my head right now and STAY THERE. Shalalalalala. *bang*
And for the ‘Favourite Movie Quotes’ section.
‘I gotta go see about a girl’
– GOOD WILL HUNTING
Ok, firstly I’d like to give a big thank you to all the staff – they’re excellent and they’re a great team. So this is in no way, shape or form a shot at the moderators or admin.
There’s an article placed on the entry of this site entitled photographically ‘It’s Time’. That article is the reason I did this. When this site becomes a burden it is time to stop. When this site becomes a trigger and not a healer – it’s time to stop. It’s time to change the writing on that wall to ‘GET A LIFE’.
It’s also been an excellent learning experience. I don’t think I really belong in a position of authority because it’s in my nature to question authority – and questioning myself constantly became exhausting. Especially considering I always thought I was right. (Why would I tie myself up in knots questioning myself over and over when my gut is saying ‘you’re right? Why are you questioning me?’).
By the time I was ‘done’ I didn’t want to go anywhere near PTSD forcibly. That’s the biggest section. There is more to me than PTSD. I didn’t want to make it my job, my life, everything I think I am. I would rather take it and use it in some other creative way. I would log on and think ‘oooh no, today my job is PTSD – obviously that’s what I am’. I’d start to want to avoid it. I’d want to run to chit chat and have a laugh because my entire day – the definition of me – felt like PTSD. There is more to all of you than PTSD. I believe when you’ve reached this conclusion it’s working.
It’s my personal observation that there are many members here who do need to read the ‘It’s Time’ article again. They are stuck and they will remain stuck until they no longer wish to be stuck. If you are stuck and not moving forward I recommend you examine why. Is it your therapist, your medication, your spouse – or is it YOU? Perhaps ‘stuck’ has become (although ironic) a rather comfortable and unchallenging position.
I personally begin to become stale without a challenge which makes me feel alive and like myself.
I don’t wish to waste my life here. It’s an incredible teaching tool (and I’ll certainly hang around as an observer and participant because I really do love you all), but it’s also part of something which most certainly has a life span. I believe in the long run, staying in a position of moderator for me for any great length of time would have prevented better things in my life, and held me back from positions more suitable to me.
To my loving partner, Gemma, who I have neglected due to this position – I am sorry. I became so wrapped up in this PTSD site that there were times you needed me and I wasn’t there because my focus was on other people and PTSD. You ground me and I am the luckiest woman alive to have you. I refuse to choose PTSD over you. We don’t need this site to make it. This site never made us, we did.
To my therapist – who sat me down in my last session and told me I had amazing insight – thank you. You picked up the doctor’s report and pointed out that under ‘defence mechanisms’ my GP had listed ‘great insight’. I said ‘but I only spent 20 minutes with him. How could he tell?’. Your answer ‘because it’s THAT obvious with you’. Thank you. I now understand what you meant. Without the help of professionally trained therapists I do not know where I would be.
To Anthony and Nicolette – thank you. I will always list you as a guiding light in my life. I am sorry if I let you down. I sincerely hope you understand that my rejecting the position was a testament to the wonderful force this site has been. First and foremost – comes your own sanity and those you love.
And to Mum - who said 'my smile got bigger and bigger as you were reading that to me' when I asked her 'What do you think?'
Thank you.
P.S – To that person circling me as I make this 'speech' – I’ve given you a name. It’s PTSD. Yes, you, the one who is laughing at me saying ‘Clap Clap For the Handicapped’ – you can leave my head right now and STAY THERE. Shalalalalala. *bang*
And for the ‘Favourite Movie Quotes’ section.
‘I gotta go see about a girl’
– GOOD WILL HUNTING
