@GrayOwl yes, I am much better, otherwise they would not have let me go as everyone there was there because they were not safe. So I had to be safe and convincingly so for them to discharge me.
I have had some triggers since coming home, and even some intrusive thoughts and images, so far I have been able to manage them as I was taught, I keep frozen oranges in the key places I spend time for grounding when I get triggered (a bunch of them at home in the freezer too), and I have had to use my safe place imagery to deal with the intrusive stuff (if my mind is busy visiting my safe place it can't be somewhere else where I get into trouble)
before I was hospitalized I was in a very dark place, so bad a place that when the insurance company stonewalled my admission, and my bed was about to be given up, she called the sheriff because she thought I might take my life. She was half right, I was planning on that, but I also knew that the approval might come at the last minute, so I started my way to baltimore, figuring that I would be near the hospital if the approval came through, it never came through, and by the time I reached baltimore I was very suicidal, then my cell phone rang, it was mobile crisis who had been following me for a month on my safety, then moments later the on call person from my therapist office called, she convinced me to go to the local ER, which is GMBC, which is next door to Sheppard Pratt. Long story short, they admitted me to my waiting bed at pratt from the ER, the approval came the next day based on me being suicidal in the ER.
I am by no means out of the woods, I am safe, and have some new coping skills, its still a hard road for me to follow and it will take some time.
