No Longer Trusting

[shimmerz]

where I am just being warehoused, and nothing gets done does not seem like a good way to go.

Agreed. That is my thought as well. No care is better than bad care (if care is the word that one wants to use).

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Its going to be a very long weekend, no word from pratt yet.

 

[GrayOwl]

I'd like to say hello.
I'd like to offer my condolences for all you've been through.
Don't underestimate the power of your message.
The majority of people are uncaring, self centered. The majority. Not all.
Though my trauma and abuse cannot match yours in a physical sense, others tried to destroy all that I have and all that I am, and if I took my life in the process, they were fine with it.
They did so to others too.
I've watched as three of my friends died at their own hands.
A gun. A car. Heroin.
A cruel merciless brutal group of people destroyed them and their will to survive. And our society allows this to occur everywhere it seems. We seem to encourage and reward it even.
That's just three that were on my "ward", so to speak.
This was done with an intentional thoughtless uncaring selfish will to inflict their need for personal gain, power, greed, ego - on others. And then had the resources and power and money to try to cover it all up.
There are many others crippled. Hurting. Emotionally, mentally, financially damaged.
So I have researched my case all over the internet, all over the world. Newspapers, books, universities, lawyers, doctors, therapists and psychiatrists, etc....
That's how I found this website, where, incidentally, I have found tremendous help and support. I am finding friends here and lots of support - and learning. Sometimes it hurts a little, but the support is genuine. And awesome.
As part of my survival I am reaching out. Through my research I have made contacts. Slowly, I have spread the word. Do it carefully. I am up against powerful people with great resources and a lot to hide with a lot to lose. I don't care. They tried to destroy me - they meant to kill me if that's what it took. (What more can I lose?) By total emotional mental spiritual financial destruction. Total abuse. They have crafted a system so cold and evil- and care nothing for the carnage they leave behind.
By dying I let them win. I hate them enough to stay alive.
I have talked to the world about what had happened to me and others like me and how it was wrong and how it hurt and cost everybody. People started calling me for help and advice. I was asked to speak at small gatherings, where I was allowed to be "comfortable". People heard my story. I was asked to talk at the state capital, which I did. I've been asked back. I found a couple other people in similar situations who are now working with me. I was asked to help put together new laws, which I'm trying to do, to help protect people from what I've been through. I've met with state legislators and been told by them they would like to set up a meeting for me to talk to my US congressman from Washington DC, that he should hear my message.
I am homeless, deep in debt, going bankrupt.
Some days I sleep in my car, some days in a tent at parks. But I have food and family and friends who help me. I'm learning ways to get "back on my feet".
Strangely, as I move along, I feel better. And stronger. I didn't believe that emotional or mental wounds could heal. Skin heals - but the mind can't, can it? Yes it can.
The seething anger and hurt that I had is being replaced by understanding. And other good things.
I'm working on a website to help others.
I'm trying to help in little ways whenever I can. And the intense hatred and pain that propelled me to make a statement for change is being replaced by something I like more - I can work for these things because they are the RIGHT things to do. Not because I hate and hate and hate and hate.....
I'm finding a peace of mind at times today long forgotten.
Hurtingbadly I'd love to see the day where you could change your name to Feelingbettertoday. Maybe you can find a ray of hope to cling to somewhere. You can message me or post.
I don't write that much. My phone has a spellchecker program that is beyond hopeless and it drives me nuts. After everything else spellchecker seems like someone's cruel joke....lol.
But I come here often during the day and read and see how my friends are doing. So please take care.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I'd like to say hello.
I'd like to offer my condolences for all you've been through.
Don't underestim...

@GrayOwl Your message touch my heart more than you could you know, I found so many things we share, but most of all you offered me inspiration to confinue my process, I know I am not ready now, but I too would like to help others by sharing my story, and get the message out, ABUSE everywhere needs to stop.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

IS THERE A REASON ALL THE CONTENT ON THIS THREAD IS INDEXED BY GOOGLE?

 

[joeylittle]

@hurtingbadly - our site is accessible by search engines, with the exception of the member trauma diaries (which any member can access), the premium diaries and discussion room (which only premium members can access), and PC's (private conversations), which are private between members.

If you have concerns, please start a help-ticket.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@hurtingbadly - our site is accessible by search engines, with the exception of...

PLEASE REMOVE ALL OF MY POSTS, I AM OUT OF HERE.

 

[Nevermore]

@hurtingbadly i hope you are still reading this!
I hate what has happened to you in your life - for some of us who start out vulnerable and unprotected it's a slippery slope from one trauma to the next. When others treat you badly it's easy to get an idea of yourself that you don't matter and so even caring about your own self feels pointless.
The truth is that it's the people who took advantage of you who are the ones that matter less, not you.
I am struggling myself in the last few days and can relate to your feelings.
Wish we could just leave this virtual reality and go for a very long walk together and talk it all out.
I haven't read all the replies. Just wanted to send you a message in a bottle that you can find down by a beautiful beach somewhere and open and read
You are worthwhile. Your sensitivity and all your pain make you even more worthwhile. The world is so horribly faulted and a lot of the people in it are as well. I have been hurt by it and then as well. And thank you for being so open and sharing your pain. Sometimes when you get to the bottom of a very long drop, the way up is not back up that same slope but going forward into i chartered territory.
I hope you get the right kind of support to be able to do that.
You have a lot to offer. If you hang in there you'll get to see that one day.
I hope for you it's very soon...

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Being that I created a ticket about this and posted in in the thread and have been completely ignored by the admins. I feel violated all over again. This does not come across to me anymore as a safe place to share this kind of personals stuff with others who can understand. So I have essentially stopped participating in the site. But I do check for information that might be useful. Given there is no way to unsubscribe from this site.

 

[Nevermore]

So sorry! I think I replied at the same time you wrote the post above me.
I hope you get some action on this soon!

 

[GrayOwl]

Hi again.
This is a mental health site.
It's also a blog site.
It's the internet.
Hurting; I am in no way disagreeing with you or your feelings...
We live in a world today that is vastly invasive. I myself don't know what the solution is. I often think I'd prefer to live in a tiny cabin or maybe even a cave somewhere deep in the woods or wilderness with just the basic necessities. I wouldn't need electricity or internet or phone. Just a cookstove and water and access to a general store a couple times a year for basics. And maybe a couple jigsaw puzzles....
But then the government still has infra red and satellites and other tech and if I want to believe they are watching me - they still can. And yes I believe too many people are watching us.
But I think the moderators and builders here do us a great service with this site. I do watch what I post and say and think out loud here.
I take what I can. I give what I can - with my safety and sanity in mind. And I'm grateful for what I've gotten that has given me comfort and healing.
The world out there sucks and has sucky people lurking all over. But that's a depressing thread that we'll never solve and I try to avoid.
I think there are a lot of people who visit here quietly and discreetly. Please, I hope you do so. There is no need to share. Take what you wish. Participation not necessary and no need to feel that it is.
Take care. Wishing you peace and serenity, life's great gifts.

 

[joeylittle]

Being that I created a ticket about this and posted in in the thread and have been completely ignored by the admins. I feel violated all over again.

You have not been ignored by the admins. I responded to you on this thread. I also responded to your ticket. I asked you to send me a list of personal details that you were concerned about in your posts. You never responded. I went ahead and removed anything that might tie you to a specific person. I also asked you if you would like your account hibernated, which would lock all your settings to their most private, stop all emails to you, and essentially render your account inaccessible by anyone except you. I've explained to you why we do not delete accounts by request, all of which was information that you had available when you signed up to begin with. I got no response from you.

I cannot allow repeated spamming of the forum with statements about how the site is disingenuous. It's not. You are in no real danger of discovery; there is no reason to feel like you've been exposed or violated. You haven't been.

Finally, it's been explained to you that the members trauma diaries are a forum that is not accessed by any search engine. If you are concerned about turning up in a search (which I'd not expect to be possible, given that I've removed all the personal disclosure you made in posts previous), you are encouraged to post in that forum.

You are absolutely welcome to stay - I want to be really clear about that. But, you cannot claim that you've been treated unfairly or incorrectly by the site - because that's not true. If you continue to do so, you'll be banned.