No Longer Trusting

[shimmerz]

It appears my sister did not even hear me come in, I don't even think she knows I am home.

Mobile crisis did not even follow up,

I was already losing weight from this (15 lbs in 2 weeks), I have no hunger and my body has stopped bothering me about it, I am not even thirsty anymore, I am just shutting down literally it seems.

Idk for sure, but this sounds very much like my states of wanting to go 'invisible' but at the same time wishing people could see me. Such a core conflict.

@hurtingbadly, I just wish I could show you where I have been - with absolutely no hope for the future ..... and how that does pass. It is a horrible feeling - beyond words. I just want you to know that I am sending you all the warm thoughts I have.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

actually, all I did since last night was sleep, my brain is physically shutting down, and my body seems to have gotten the message, because its not nagging me anymore for what it needs, and given my recent weight loss is drawing on reserves instead, I am actually at more peace as my brain is shutting down, and I am content to just let nature do what it does. And as far as all the other suggestions, well this time around that I did, did all the things we are told we should do instead, and even broken record when it comes to my needs, well it does not work, maybe for saying no to someone, but not when you need something, and all I saw was the same system that so went to great lengths to hurt back then, is no different, in fact today, its a system inclined to lock up instead of help, a system that is incapable of helping, no wonder the drug and alcohol problems are worse than they were years ago, people can get the help they need and have to turn to such things to mentally survive.

The fact that I had to manufacture blind trust this time around, and even made it so so very clear to everyone one, this is just a betrayal no different then the rest.

I am just going to let nature deal with this, I don't have the energy myself to mentally deal with this any more.

 

[shimmerz]

Yes, I agree. The system is really not helpful. I have my share of stories as well. All of these years and I didn't know.

You decide what you decide. I understand how you can be in such a place. But if it is okay with you I am still here with you.

 

[joeylittle]

That sounds OK, @hurtingbadly - sometimes shutting down is what we need for awhile.

I'm going to hope that your therapist/treatment people get back to you quickly about your options for Pratt. And in the meanwhile, I'll still be pulling for you. I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but know that you are getting support from our end.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

My inability to eat from all this, may be the only thing that gives anyone reason to get justice for me, i have lost a lot of weight in the last week, and in the last day 5 more lbs. I know this is something that sometimes happens, and I have decided that I need justice as much if not more than I need treatment. I am planning to use this, to see that justice is done, even it its a response to wasting away taking my life.
I don't trust enough anymore for treatment at pratt to be an option, and won't unless someone seriously works on getting me justice.

There is a lot of justice to be gotten, first off the county dss officials and Environments for Human Services were a party to a fraud upon the court, and what was done to me and the DSS and EHS involvement rises to a heinous nature for which there is no statute of limitations. I am just one victim, 18 million of tax payer money was used to essentially commit fraud, and abuse. Some of my abuse if I described it to you would probably be considered torture. Plus the molestation by a staff member of EHS is a class 6 felony. which has no statute of limitations. And the DSS social worker colluded with my lawyer when they orchestrated having me arrested for bolting out the door during one of their abusive hold downs, the lawyer spent a mere few minutes with me, and over an hour or two talking with my social worker the same one who I reported abuse to who told me he would do nothing about it and to live with it, who at the same time was having the family court emancipate me because I had reached the age of 21 where they were required to anyway. That's a crime in itself because of the conflicting interests, and it was intended to bring me harm. And it another fraud upon the court by both EHS and DSS.

I want justice even if it takes my death to get it.

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm glad you didn't leave. I'm glad you keep posting :hug:

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I am going to make a very big deal of this tomorrow, I am going to drop of a very much more detailed account of what happened to me to the local TV station without my name on it, and will have the words on it, "I WANT JUSTICE FOR THIS, EVEN IT IT TAKES MY DEATH".

 

[Stickler]

Virginia has no statute of limitations on rape.
I suggest calling 1800-273-8255, they may be able to get you inpatient.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Doubt it, I have already dealt with that number many times, and everyone else under the sun, its just to big that no one wants to do the work it seems, even my own therapist is overwhelmed, and says she can't wrap her head around it. And life crisis center who deals with such things, would not help because they did not feel they could do it safely. I have disclosed this detail to many who are in a power to report, and probably would if it happened today, they all seem to be wanting to put it off to someone else. I am upset that no one has bothered, it could have been done a week or two ago.

I am more desperate for justice than I am for treatment. I just mailed a more detailed copy of my abuse under them to a tv station and to lambda legal saying I want justice even if I had to die for it.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I see the history going like this.

It took the tragedy of a murder for public outrage to bring pressure to close them down, but no real accountability took place.

It likely will take the tragedy of my death to bring someone to consider bringing the accountability that should have occurred when all this happened.

 

[joeylittle]

I suggest calling 1800-273-8255, they may be able to get you inpatient.

I just wanted to back this up - the hotline can sometimes magically clear a bed, when normal methods don't.

Remember, you only asked your therapist to reach out to Shepard Pratt a few days ago. Sense of time can get pretty strange when symptoms are bad.

Pursuing legal action takes a lot of mental stamina. You will want to be feeling better in order to go after the justice you are talking about. I hope you don't give up completely on following through with your therapist. And keep posting, it helps.

 

[shimmerz]

Pursuing legal action takes a lot of mental stamina. You will want to be feeling better in order to go after the justice you are talking about.

I second this very strongly. I had a scarily similar event happen to me. I fought it but wasn't strong enough or in a good place mentally (because of the abuse). I wish I had waited a while before I dealt with it.

Of course, my situation is not yours. I am just concerned that you are still reeling and are compromised which may be used against you.