No More " I Love You" 's?

[Angus McGee]

My wife suffers from PTSD brought on by years of sexual and physical abuse as a child. She has been able to manage it fairly well for a long time. However, these past two years have been very difficult for her, (one thing happening after another) and because of that, she had a bad PTSD relapse. One of the symptoms of this, is the fact that she never says "I love you" any more. This used to be as common in our house as "Please pass the salt." Now, however, even when I tell her (which I know is important), I don't hear it back.

Is this common?

 

[Sethe]

I've also had problems saying it with my current bf for a year or so. I used to say it easily in the past. I think it's related to time with my T.

I don't know if it is common. I can only speak about my experience.

 

[Innordinate]

I can't say it right now. Very randomly. I have to force myself to even put it in an email or a text.

 

[BigBear]

I've also had problems saying it with my current bf for a year or so. I used to say it easily in the past. I think it's related to time with my T.

I don't know if it is common. I can only speak about my experience.

Work with the T puts the Abuse events at the top of your consciousness. It can't be too surprising when when good thought get blocked out more often at times like that...

Bear

 

[Angus McGee]

I think the fact she can't say it anymore is one of the main things that makes it so hard not to take her behavior personal.

 

[Dee Morris]

Speaking from my own perspective, I have difficulty expressing my feelings. "I love you" is a perfect example. Those words were as common in my marriage that looking back it seemed over used. As if every parting conversation needed to end with those three little words or else something must be wrong. I must be mad at him. My disconnection must be about him. His refusal to accept that he doesn't have the power to control my feelings just because he loves me is one of the reasons I cannot stay married to him. His insistence that a lack of verbal reciprocation was about him has driven me away from him emotionally & hindered my emotional progress.

I hope this doesn't happen to your marriage. My advice....Continue to show your wife with your actions that you love her. Tell her you love her but if she doesn't say it back continue on & remember that it really isn't about you.

 

[Angus McGee]

Continue to show your wife with your actions that you love her. Tell her you love her but if she doesn't say it back continue on & remember that it really isn't about you.

You're right. I know in my heart this is the right thing to do.

It doesn't mean it's the easy thing to do, however.

Thank you.

 

[Dee Morris]

Your welcome. :)

 

[adrian_newbridge]

It's so hard when it comes to this. My wife and I had the same problem, she took all my symptoms personally. I neglected our relationship because I couldn't cope with anyone else's feelings. She asked me if I loved her and I said yes, but I just can't feel that love, for her or anyone else in my family. I know I love them all but I just can't feel it inside. We are now apart due to other pressures in our marriage. I hope you can be strong and patient for her. Good luck for the future.

 

[The Albatross]

I can't say it as often as my partner would like me to. I do try though to say it more than I'm "feeling it"... as a way to put my focus off myself and onto what he needs. I do try to show him in other ways... thoughtful little things. He understands. And trys really hard to be consistent... I can see that.

 

[KP the nut]

My trauma is not abuse related. Both my beloved H and I tell one another I love you often. My problem is I can't see why he'd continue to love me. I rarely say that to him and when I do he reassures me.

 

[anthony]

Angus... I think a lot of males should take a number from your book mate and apply the same care and compassion you are for your wife. Well done.

I agree with all of the above... if you know she loves you, but can't say it due to her own abuse, then just keep telling her, which provides her the reassurance that she is loved and safe. If it also means a lot to you, then maybe it is something you could raise with her and her therapist, to have them work on. You are a part of the relationship as well, and important aspects should not be discarded from either party... but simply acknowledge, accepted, and work towards change.

If work isn't done, then in the future such things become a problem, and that is what I would assume you would like to avoid, because you need to know your also loved. There is a solution for you, it just needs time and a little work.