No More " I Love You" 's?

[Angus McGee]

Thanks, Anthony.

I've made myself available to her when she starts therapy. Right now, she hasn't started. We had agreed (or so I thought) that she would discuss moving out during her treatment with her therapist, and decide from there whether or not it was a good idea. Unbeknownst to me, she changed things, and signed a lease on her own place. Once she moves in to that place, she assures me she will start treatment. She also told me it is only a 6 month lease. We will reassess our relationship at that point.

I have no choice but to accept this new plan. It has been made abundantly clear that how I feel about things is completely irrelevant. Unless, of course, I want a divorce, and a new wife. She even had one picked out for me, and was visibly disappointed when the news broke that she had a boyfriend, and was getting engaged.

I say these things because of this. I will most definitely bring up the fact that she has shown ZERO affection since the whole relapse started. However, whether or not I even meet her therapist, much less talk to him/her is unknown and not up to me.

Sure, I could sit down with my own therapist, but I don't see how that will get her to open up to me.

I'm just ready for this to be over. I'd love for her to get better, and I prefer that outcome, obviously. However, the longer this goes on, the more I'm ready for ANY outcome. She wants to leave? Fine. She wants out of the marriage? Fine.

 

[Dee Morris]

My husband could have written your last post. Minus the apt thing & not being in therapy.

 

[Angus McGee]

I had a dream last night that I embraced her like the old days. Just a huge, warm, loving embrace. I told her I loved her, and she told me the same. I even felt her hair on my face. (She has beautiful hair).

Then, I had another dream where I was sobbing uncontrolably to that MercyMe song. (Keep Singing)

Frankly, I keep waking up in the morning hoping that all of this has been a bad dream.

Every morning.

 

[Tinyflame]

I so hope it works out for you both, Angus

This has no bearing on this 'forum' in general or 'ptsd' in particular, but I'm a person who's tried* to be patient/ have faith, all the time, but 2 times in my life I just got to the end of my limit and told God really really really like it is, and by the grace of God there followed speedy and wonderful resolution, -in retrospect I have to confess I wondered if I should have just 'said' that, all along? That maybe God didn't ~'mind' to not ~'try' to just persevere (for lack of any term) but just (to) spit it out that I and others were truly at the end of my (our) rope.

I don't think God needed me to be 'brave' so much as wholly-dependent, like a child, and aware of it, and humble, and to say the need/ problem, and how I felt.
My prayers are with you, irregardless.
(I hope this makes sense- hard to find the words).
((((Angus))))

 

[Angus McGee]

I have come to the end of my rope a few times. Interestingly enough, just when that happens, it seems a little slack in the line shows up. I feel like I have just enough to get through the day. Each day starts out, and ends with just the right amount of... grace? Not sure if that's what you call it.

I also find myself going through personal pity parties.. I think that's expressed in my messages on this board. Sometimes, I sound like a pastor, and other times like a little kid who just dropped his ice cream. I guess that's normal too.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Angus- 'grace'- what a perfect word!

Think that's ok Angus- think God would like the ice-cream analogy, actually ( ;):giggle: )

And I think you're going 'hard' on yourself- sort of like the ice cream dropped.. and then you got hit in the head by a boulder, if it's anything like my experience, lol. :eek::confused:
-xox

 

[Angus McGee]

another interesting note. Inside my own mind, I get very upset with my wife. I can't understand how she can just destroy our family like she's doing. Like I've said, she doesn't tell me she loves me any more, even as a "love you too", much less all the other things that married couples are supposed to do.

Then, when I see her face to face, or am talking to her through email, or chat, whatever... all those angry feelings are gone. I know that all of the things that are happening aren't her fault. She is taking the steps she feels she has to take, not because she wants to, even if that means moving out.

Many people would tell me to cut and run. Some days, that would seem to be the easier thing to do. However, I know in my heart of hearts that I need to keep loving her, and supporting her in all her decisions. I can tell her my thoughts and opinions, but ultimately, her treatment, her living arrangements and her healing are up to her.

I do miss the love and affection from my wife. However, I'm resting on the hope that some day, she will come back to me. Until the day it does, or becomes clear that it never will, I will keep hoping, keep loving and most importantly, keep praying.

 

[BigBear]

That seems pretty normal to me Angus, given the situation. The longer they are isolated from us, the harder it is for us to remember why we cared. The care is still there but it can't have a reality until it has a person on the other end.

I'm going to imagine (I've never had to suffer through this) that long periods without any communication are going to be the most deadly for your relationship. Keep lots of pictures of her around you. Talk a lot with the kids about her, especially while helping them to focus on the pictures. And see where possible if she will communicate with the Kids.

These will actually be good things for her too!

Bear

 

[Tinyflame]

I do know, and yet I don't, how 'carers' 'do it'- although I am 'sort of' one - but still it's remarkable to me that you can be that loving/ forgiving/ patient, kind etc. That you can still actually 'love' your SO, despite everything. :confused::notworthy:

 

[Angus McGee]

We have been married for 21 years, and I have only one or two pictures of her around. She has refused to be in any pictures we've taken over the years.

We do communicate regularly, but from her end at least, it's about our toddler, and how his day was, or evening when it's my turn for the update.

I ask her all the time "how're you doin'?" and I always get the same response. "tired".

Ready for the next phase of all of this. Whatever that is.

 

[Tinyflame]

Well, Angus, she's being honest, (bone-)tired is how it oftentimes feels.

I have no pictures of myself, either, if I can help it; I threw out the last of them (there were never many) a few months ago, when I was in a bad-space.
I think of myself as 'Sasquatch'- lol, I'm 'here' but no photos.
What I mean is, I don't think it's that uncommon.

I also couldn't 'do' birthdays (my own), btw, and sometimes beautiful, normal things (eg going to dinner, etc) cause a meltdown later.
I am sure she is so sorry 'she' is 'like' that!
Try to get photos (in the future- I'm thinking 'positively')-with (her and) yourself +/ or the children in them- she will keep them for that fact I bet.

 

[anthony]

Has she expressed that she does still love you, in some form, manner, etc... but just can't say the words?

Maybe a compromise is that when you tell her you love her, that she responds Diddo! Being a term for "back at you".

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=diddo