No One Knows I'm In Therapy - Therapist Wants Me To Tell

[jandal]

Thank you so much for your responses, lots of food for thought.

It sounds like she could be feeling like you need more support than what she alone ca...

Yes, I thinks she believes I need additional support and thanks for the suggestion of exploring why there appears to be so much urgency now and the option of looking at others ways to get support. In principle I understand the value of someone knowing whats going on and supporting me (not sure how as I can't think of one way I would like someone else to support me) I'm not there yet but i'm willing to accept that it may be a good thing for me to move towards.

She also mentioned that she has worked with people with similar issues and some have had no problem telling others what is going on with them and others who do because of a sense of shame so she seemed to suggest that this is what was preventing me from telling others - shame. I don't know if that's true of me I just know i've always wanted to control who knows what about me and going to a therapist is a controlled way for me because I decide when I go and for how long - I feel if I tell a family member or friend they will treat me differently and bring up my issues whenever they feel its needed and therefore I lose control of when I will be exposed to my distress I guess whether that's the experience of anxiety of the details of my ptsd.

Thank you again for all your responses, they have helped me.

 

[Tanishq]

Your therapist can tell you that you have choices in your life, but your therapist has no right to make your choices. This doesn't sound any good to me because it makes you feel more uncomfortable and hurts you. Right you do know what is best for you and you are free to make your own choice.

 

[SeaQuel]

I don't see why you have to tell anyone that you're in therapy. To me, that's got nothing to do with establishing a support network.

I imagine what she really is encouraging you to do is to confide in someone about your issues (in whatever detail you're comfortable - it could be that you just say you struggle with anxiety, or PTSD, etc.) so that they than serve as support when/if you need it (beyond therapy).

No one needs to know you're in therapy. If asked, you could just say you're "in treatment," which is plenty vague while also giving the sense that you are dealing with the issue.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I see it as your therapist pushing to have you have more support on a day to day basis.

Maybe you could start by telling people about your anxiety without actually coming out and telling them the whole story. Meter it, so to speak, and judge the response. I imagine this as mentioning to someone that you feel a little nervous .... Not coming out and saying "I have acute anxiety". Maybe that will feel a little safer?

 

[DogwoodTree]

I think there's nearly always value in approaching an issue from multiple directions at once. So...learning how to open up to one other person about some of your struggles...even if it doesn't include telling them you're in therapy for it...will give you information and insight that no one person, even a really good T, could provide.

That's the same reason why I post here on this forum, so that I can get lots of different perspectives to challenge the beliefs that power my dysfunctions, and lots of different eyes pointing out my blindspots. Yes, I can survive without anyone's help, but would I ever grow and change my junk and get better?

Maybe there's a middle ground that will address her concerns about you needing multiple legs of support to stand on, while not sharing information about your therapy to someone who might not know how to handle that information and a relationship that might not be strong enough yet for the weight of that revelation.

For me, anyway, the process of learning to depend on anyone else for anything is actually a huge part of my overall recovery process...like, the belief that no one else is dependable--only me--is part of the lie that is enabling so much of my isolation and fear. To try to see that there are in fact other people in my world who have a strength of character and a resiliency that I could lean on...this is very challenging for me, but a very necessary part of the process (as much as I despise it...seriously...hate it...and struggle to even have typed out this paragraph).

 

[Biz]

@jandal. You could be right: maybe it is for her own peace of mind, but probably because she cares about you. My first thought is what if she gets sick or hurt and couldn't see you. You said you'd come to adjust and be okay, but that initial time might really hurt especially if there wasn't anyone else who knew what you're going through. That said, it sounds like telling someone is too much for right now, which totally makes sense. Maybe you build a backup plan, have someone you may tell, in the future though.

 

[Tinyflame]

FWIW I don't think you should feel ashamed @jandal . However, one cannot create emotional support out of simply disclosure, especially disclosure without education & to someone who couldn't care less.

I'm sure it must be very heavy for people to support/ be T's. I think it's pro active (on paper) to try to establish support, but very different IRL. I feel as you do minus the resiliency, however that's my problem I figure. They're just doing their job, where I end up or the steps that lead to it well I can only try but if I do poorly well, it's just the way it goes I guess..

 

[ghotiff]

If you aren't ready to tell people that is either because of "you" or the "people" you might tell. Your T does not know your friends, so she can't judge if they are safe/useful people to tell. I would trust yourself and not tell anyone (at least yet).

But....extra support is always good. Is there something specific you struggle with that a friend could help you with. Silly example, but maybe Monday's are your worst day each week and you always forget to eat on Mondays. Maybe a friend could support you through this by becoming your Monday dinner buddy.

Just thoughts.

 

[Rumors]

Technically, you have told someone...here.... However, I remember my t telling me that letting somebody in and learning to be vulnerable and share things with someone else makes the "secrets" have less power. I must say he was right. Since the first conversation, I have shared that I am in therapy with a couple friends and it kind of felt good. My exact words were, "I am a little lost right now and I could use some extra support so I went and found someone that I could talk to and have an outside opinion about things in my life. I want to be the best parent, daughter, wife, and friend I can be and I know if I don't get some things off of my chest I can't be that." I found it was received with love and support. It was just another step towards healing. I now know I am only as sick as my secrets and one by one I am making them secrets no more!! It isn't easy, but part of that process is to surround myself with some people that care about me and are worthy of my friendship. I try and think of all things in terms of what I would want my kid to do. I would never expect him to walk this journey alone and hope he would seek out support, so why should I? I shouldn't.... Good luck! Hang in there!

 

[Seasounds]

• The idea of vulnerability, you get practice to find and create relationships that may be helpful, healing, and add to your stability and happiness.
• Along the lines of conditions that you can't get rid of, but can learn to manage: chronic ptsd and alcoholism are both in that category. You have company here!

 

[KuanYin]

If her insistance about opening up is making you uncomfortable maybe try explaining that to her. On the other hand, perhaps she isn't saying you should tell people you're in treatment, but rather that you consider telling someone that you're suffering. Before actually opening up to someone, you may find that you end up taking a deeper look at the relationships you have with people close to you. Maybe what she's trying to prompt you to do is to start seeking out safe and genuine connections so that when you are ready to share you aren't in a vulnerable position but rather a supportive and nurturing one. Does that make sense?

 

[jandal]

Maybe what she's trying to prompt you to do is to start seeking out safe and genuine connections so that when you are ready to share you aren't in a vulnerable position but rather a supportive and nurturing one. Does that make sense?

Yes thank you, lots to think about.