No Trust in the Future? - is it Part of PTSD?

[Lucky Laser]

Last night was a beautiful warm night and I took a walk with my husband. He started talking about the future; what it would be like when I finished school, moving, saving for various things like a new car, careers, kids, etc. To my chagrin I realized that my inner feelings were screaming loads of mistrust... not mistrust of my husband but of the future itself. I started feeling scared, wondering what made him think either one of us would last that long... what made him think a relationship could last that long... any time I've let myself trust in the future its been blown apart so why would this be any different? Since my trauma I've never been able to trust that tomorrow I'll have the same safe secure life I have today. I feel vulnerable when I think of it... like that terrified feeling of the knowledge that it only takes seconds to shatter a person and whose to say it won't just happen again?

Does anyone else ever experience this feeling? Is it normal for PTSD? I've been feeling it since my trauma but have never been able to formulate it into words or ask anyone.

 

[Claire]

Hello Lucky, yes I've had the same thing. For me it's also connected to not understanding time itself too. If I need to book a holiday it feels like I might not be alive that long to actually take it. I find counting down the weeks to any event, holidays, Christmas etc very difficult. I could get run over by a bus tomorrow! As I'm getting better though I can see that I probably wont get run over by a bus tomorrow :rolleyes:. Of course the only certain way to make sure would be to stay at home and never go outside. You have to learn that life is a risk but little by little you can relax a bit more with it. I dont think you can force it, but for me it has got better with time.

 

[2quilt]

Somewhere there is a list of questions that , if you answer yes to a certain percentage of them, you get a diagnosis of PTSD.

One of the questions is something like, Do you think your life will be shortened, Do you think you will live a long life, Do you fail to plan for the future because you don't think you will be around to see it?

That's PTSD.

I didn't open up an IRA or save for the future until recently because I felt that I had no need to do so.

 

[lrs]

I wrote "I Believe PTSD is Curable". In it I gave a brief description of how PTSD symptoms deminished over time, by playing a stringed instrument right and left handed.
When I had PTSD, I most definetly felt as though I was on borrowed time, and that my life would be cut short.
All of the symptoms did subside, and my life became more and more manageable. However, this belief, this symptom if you will, was the most persistent.
I was consciously aware of this being a symptom. Nonethess, it was probably a year before this started to go away.
Go Figure.

 

[Deleted member 541]

HI Lucky,

I have short term future...But as far as long term...No not really. I don't see myself in long term, only short term. I have a problem with things more that a week away.

 

[Anonymoose]

Yes, this is a symptom of PTSD. It goes along with a change in perspective that emphasizes the present, almost as if there wasn't going to be a future.

 

[baileysemt]

I have the same feeling too. I just cannot see myself being around even in a year or two. It is as if every day HAPPENS and my life continues by chance.

For me, I don't even believe that I will be killed necessarily, or that a specific danger will be what gets me. It's just that when I think forward, like if I try to envision what my life will look like when I am 45 (I'm 36 now), it's a totally blank slate, and I don't see myself in that picture. Like, I see the world, I see my town ... but I don't see me.

Many of my PTSD symptoms are being pretty well treated by my meds, but this is one that hasn't been touched...

I've read in a number of PTSD resources that inability to envision the future is a very common PTSD symptom.

Bailey

 

[Marlene]

LL-

There was a point that if I thought about anything past the day I was in it caused me to have an anxiety attack. Like you, when my husband would talk about our future it was too much for me. I would shut down or ask him not to talk about it because it was just too much.

Without even realzing it, as I've healed I've started looking ahead with less and less fear. Yes, it is one of the PTSD symptoms. And yes it takes a while for it to lessen and then be pushed out of the limelight. I still check myself whenever I talk or think about the future. Sometimes it comes back (not as bad as before) and I have to back off and just let myself be.

But as you heal this will slowly get better. So far nothing with my PTSD has had a quick turn around. Everything's taken time and time and time. This is no exception. Work on your trauma(s), work on your life with PTSD and things can get better and the future does start to open back up.

Lisa

 

[Awakening]

I don't necessarily think I'm going to die or that things in the future e.g. children, career etc won't happen for me, but I get afraid that something will take it away.

For example we have just booked a one week holiday in a few months time. I'm scared about talking about, even writing about it here is scary, because I am looking forward it. And I'm afraid of looking forward to it or talking about it, because I feel if I do I will 'jinx' it.

I get more worried I guess about the universe conspiring against me? Or being punished, or not being allowed positive things.

Another example was when I told I was subfertile - I thought AHA, I knew it, because I want kids I won't be able to have them. I really over-reacted as my condition is the best kind of 'infertile' you can get, there are alot of options. But it reinforced my belief that none of those things (children, a nice home) were in my reach, were available to ME.

I'm not sure if this is PTSD or general anxiety. I'm sure alot of non-PTSD'ers also find it difficult to picture kids and marriage, but for me I get very anxious about it. I keep worrying about it..the holiday, whether I have kids and I'm unable to relax until once I've achieved those things.

 

[neverforget]

My ex was like that.
It's something that hit from the start, he couldn't plan for future, only short term, like how he was to organize his week.
He explained me he was taking things as they came and just didn't plan.

He could never remember dates for events that would happen two months later, even good things he was really waiting for...

 

[Lucky Laser]

Thanks guys, I'm having a really terrible day today and reading that I am not alone in this helps somehow... like I can say its not just me... its a symptom and thus it CAN be improved.

Like some of you said, I don't feel like I'm going to die necessarily, I just can't trust anything to be the same. I have this sense that things are gong to be ripped away from me again. I can't imagine how (or I can imagine too many reasons how) but looking forward like that in a way shot me back to the past and the inner voice is saying "Look you dummy! Here are all the reasons why that won't work!"

I feel like going back to bed today. I already e-mailed my husband and warned him I'm feeling terrible because of a dream I had last night. I guess this is just one of those bad days for me and its so frustrating because its a beautiful day and I feel like I shouldn't have to feel this way. My Dad is always telling me that happiness can be found within and I'm reaching and reaching and just not getting it today.

 

[Deleted member 541]

L.L.

It hard sometime to find happiness when you feel like shit on the inside. Hang in there. Maybe try just sitting outside for awhile, (weather permitting) read a book, or do whatever to just stay out of bed for awhile.....