My future looks dire and painful.

DogTired

Silver Member
Aside from PTSD, I've lived a very hard physical life with multiple irreversible (some progressive) injuries that have caught up with me in old age.
I've just had a knock back which was the last thing I needed as I'm struggling really hard with a resurgence of my PTSD.
Only it was HOW that knock back was delivered that has blown my mind. It came on a THIRD hospital visit (at their request) to discuss treatment .
A different doctor, same script as the other two, with a twist. ANY SURGERY HAS BEEN DENIED for multiple issues as the risk factors are too great.
The 18 month delay telling me was some doctor thought I wouldn't be able to handle bad news.

Only nothing happened. I sat there, listened, questioned and discussed everything, finally drawing the conclusion they were right.
End of, and I staggered out the door (as usual). OK, I collapsed into a sodden heap once in the car but I don't think that is too bad a reaction.

Now comes the anger. For 18 months I've been tearing myself apart waiting for a date to stop "the pain".
Then, because some wimp of a doctor (who doesn't seem to understand mental issues like PTSD), that ignorance probably contributed to the resurgence of my PTSD.
Which makes me wonder a little bit more about the state of mental health doctoring in the UK's National Health Service.

Nobody likes bad news, but (purely based on my state of mind) to stretch out the anxiety in a wounded mind, to me, is both cruel and dangerous.
So now I'm wondering how many others have been put under long term stress because of what misconceptions some doctors have about PTSD.
Back to you.
 
combat ptsd was still being called, "shell shock" when i had my last physical here in the u.s. i have "good" insurance, but very little faith in the medical system. i use minor emergency clinics when i need a prescription or some such. i never have expected medical doctors to understand my mental health issues, by whatever name. isn't that rather like expecting an aeronautic engineer to fix my car? stranger things have happened, but it wasn't part of the degree plan. i wouldn't expect my psych pros to understand surgery, either.

sorry to hear of your disappointment. total empathy on the tedium of living with chronic pain. at 70, my own chronic pains/injuries do seem to be adding up. some of my meanest chronic pains are injuries acquired as a child prostitute and there's no doubt flare-ups aggravate the ptsd mightily. where's my frigging kick boxing bag? okay, okay. . . at 70 pillow punching will probably be channel enough.

sigh. . . so far i still feel like living with chronic pain beats the alternative. so far. . . i'll worry about next week when it gets here.

steadying support while you sort what is right for you.
 
The 18 month delay telling me was some doctor thought I wouldn't be able to handle bad news.
So, just reflecting back to you: in your mind, they should have told you sooner, because you would have dealt with it fine.

However, in the same post you go on to say:
Then, because some wimp of a doctor (who doesn't seem to understand mental issues like PTSD), that ignorance probably contributed to the resurgence of my PTSD.
Which makes me wonder a little bit more about the state of mental health doctoring in the UK's National Health Service.
Your conclusion at the disappointing news (you can’t have surgery because the risks are too high) is you collapsed in a heap in the car and the entire state of the NHS is now questionable….

Maybe their concern about how well you’d cope with the news was…spot on…?

I know you’ve said in another post that you’re not up for therapy because no person in a white coat could understand what you’ve been through. But…therapists don’t have lived experience of what any of us have been through. They aren’t there to empathise - one of the main reasons most of see therapists isn’t because we’re looking for a peer.

We do it so that coping with everyday life is easier. Situations just like this. So that when you’re confronted with situations that throw you for six, like bad news about surgery, you’re able to cope and continuing enjoying life, without it throwing us back in the deep end of dysregulation…
 
So, just reflecting back to you: in your mind, they should have told you sooner, because you would have dealt with it fine.

However, in the same post you go on to say:

Your conclusion at the disappointing news (you can’t have surgery because the risks are too high) is you collapsed in a heap in the car and the entire state of the NHS is now questionable….

Maybe their concern about how well you’d cope with the news was…spot on…?

I know you’ve said in another post that you’re not up for therapy because no person in a white coat could understand what you’ve been through. But…therapists don’t have lived experience of what any of us have been through. They aren’t there to empathise - one of the main reasons most of see therapists isn’t because we’re looking for a peer.

We do it so that coping with everyday life is easier. Situations just like this. So that when you’re confronted with situations that throw you for six, like bad news about surgery, you’re able to cope and continuing enjoying life, without it throwing us back in the deep end of dysregulation…
This lack of knowledge, let alone practical experience of PTSD outside of mental health professionals, is not unknown. As for their concern was "spot on?".
The prospect of never walking again isn't one many people would welcome BUT, my reaction to that knock was taken in private like a lot of people do.
My post was to bring to light the misconceptions and supposition about how someone with PTSD might react to a life changing event.
Guess what? PTSD took last place behind unhappiness of how I was going to miss walking with my dog . Something way more important to me .
 
This lack of knowledge, let alone practical experience of PTSD outside of mental health professionals, is not unknown. As for their concern was "spot on?".
The prospect of never walking again isn't one many people would welcome BUT, my reaction to that knock was taken in private like a lot of people do.
My post was to bring to light the misconceptions and supposition about how someone with PTSD might react to a life changing event.
Guess what? PTSD took last place behind unhappiness of how I was going to miss walking with my dog . Something way more important to me .
So very sorry you are facing a situation like that. Medical shocks and diagnoses affect our identity and coping skills so give yourself a bit of time to process. So sorry you weren't informed and given a choice. No doubt it was meant well but things like that can feel patronising. Lack of power also isn't a fun thing when we have PTSD.
 
I suffered 23 years being told that my symptoms were related to a neurological condition and were untreatable. The whole time I thought my brain was rotting. This put tremendous strain on the family. I was finally diagnosed with ptsd but within 2 weeks my wife said we had to live apart. That set off massive dysregulation that continues. I have made great progress fast but that is due to having the resources to hire the best professionals. I have a long road ahead. My wife and I have been living apart for almost 4 months now. My wife has her own issues, she is a text book Dismissive Avoidant which really triggers my abandonment stuff. All those years no professional ever asked me about my childhood or gave me a PCL-5 test. Now I feel that everything my wife and I have worked for in the past 30 years is hanging in the balance. I have no control. I hope the marriage can be saved but otherwise I will start from scratch and totally rebuild my life far away, most likely in New Zealand where I have citizenship available to me and thus residency. I am 69 years old, one hell of a time to start over.
 
So, just reflecting back to you: in your mind, they should have told you sooner, because you would have dealt with it fine.

However, in the same post you go on to say:

Your conclusion at the disappointing news (you can’t have surgery because the risks are too high) is you collapsed in a heap in the car and the entire state of the NHS is now questionable….

Maybe their concern about how well you’d cope with the news was…spot on…?

I know you’ve said in another post that you’re not up for therapy because no person in a white coat could understand what you’ve been through. But…therapists don’t have lived experience of what any of us have been through. They aren’t there to empathise - one of the main reasons most of see therapists isn’t because we’re looking for a peer.

We do it so that coping with everyday life is easier. Situations just like this. So that when you’re confronted with situations that throw you for six, like bad news about surgery, you’re able to cope and continuing enjoying life, without it throwing us back in the deep end of dysregulation…
My mental and physical health have taken a few bad knocks this year.
One GP saying you're not coping well because of the pain you are living with is affecting your mind. (How insightful).
Okay, sort of, but I asked for help to get me sleeping and pain control. His answer? When you get too tired you will sleep.
Sigh. Quality doctoring? Not through my eyes.

As for looking for a peer?? LOL.
I'm just looking for a night's sleep without waking up screaming 3-4 times a week.
Come to think about it, so is the wife (and the dog).

As for therapists. One of the best I had was a field medic who did the exams to become a shrink.
Because he had seen and lived some of what I had experienced, plus I didn't have to translate Mil-speak into civvie speak, he nailed my problems down quickly and stabilized me in a short time. Over 47 years, any positive and effective doctoring has been ex-mil. Then things changed. I was told that it's cheaper to bring in overseas doctoring than train doctors in the UK. The same thing for psychologists.
I'm no racist but it gets a bit much when you've got a Lithuanian staff nurse translating what I'm saying to a Asian doctor and visa versa.
 
Getting well uptight. Therapy stalled for a month and emails are going unanswered. Years ago, when asking for personnel and ammo. When command didn't reply, it was usually a case of them thinking, "What the hell do we do now?"
Now change 'command' for NHS subcontractor. Nuff said?

Climbing the wall isn't limited to spiders for me so it's doctoring time and ask for some "calms". The first time was "I'll think about it". The second time was me leaning over the desk to make a point and I got a weeks worth of calm pills. This time I'm thinking my nightstick and at least a month's worth of 'calm's'. 😷
 
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