-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
No Where to Go, and Having Difficulty Getting Professional Support
- Post starter trapped
- Start date
- Status
- Admin
- #50
anthony
Founder
I just think that is priceless... thanks for the laugh.
Hi Trapped, Let me see if I can help you with this.
I had a good friend who is anti-social and I had to let her go because she would unload on me for hours and then call her best friend up and unload on her too. Then she would create conflict between me and her other friend. Her motive was to get me mad so I would explode in front of other people so she could point me out and say, "Look at how angry she is - Hee Hee. She needs anger management"
After she did this to me enough times it didn't take much for everyone to believe I was a lose cannon when I really only am when antagonized intensely by a clever person with anti-social behavior disorder. Because no one else could get me that angry that often (just her). It's a game she played to keep me under her thumb for future use as her pawn.
It was essential to my well being to part company because of the co-dependency issue. She tried to become friends with me again by guilt tripping me, and shamming me by telling me everything she did for me (for instance she introduced me to her brother who I married) and I asked, "Did you need a receipt for that"? I guess in her eyes I owed her for what she did for me because I didn't ever ask her for a quarter of what she did for me. Also, I did quite of bit of rescuing her when her family shunned her for sleeping with her boyfriend's brother in his own house and he was supporting her.
Anyway she resorted to sicking her family on me and it was violent. She has major control issues and has to control everyone in her family and is quite successful at it.
While I didn't get rid of all my possessions I did burn all the pictures of her and everything she gave me. But it was symbolic for me to clean the contaminated things by which she used to manipulate me. She would mentally abuse me and then turn around and do something really nice for me or buy me something. It's a clever tactic a lot of individuals use to keep people sick right along with them, and to keep people under their thumb to do their dirty work.
I didn't understand what was going on until I researched my past and found that I grew up with 3 people with anti-social behavior disorders. I realized that most people tend to hang around the people we are comfortable with. Maybe you are a "rescuer" and you set yourself up for this failure/abandonment? It's an archetype called the "saboteur" that every person has in their ego. I figure you know this since you are taking psych classes?
If I was in your position I would ask myself why were we friends in the first place? and what kept us friends? and what benefit did I get from the relationship? Because it's a fact that both parties benefit from a relationship or it wouldn't exist.
Maybe it's in your nature to rescue people so you feel needed, and that helps you with self-esteem issues and helps you with the control issues. I had anorexia too, and we both know it's about control. If we feel we don't have control over our lives we don't eat. Maybe when you rescued this individual you neglected your own needs, and then when you said, "enough" she abandoned you, and you lost control over her, which will keep you sick with anorexia? Sometimes it's hard to see the saboteur in ourselves and I'm not trying to upset you, I'm trying to help you see how these things happen in cycles.
As a psych major you should know the consequences of what happens when you set boundaries with people, the rules of the friendship changes everything, and people get MAD or leave so I don't understand why you are blaming yourself when you know the consequences of setting boundaries?
We know what she benefited from the relationship: You were buying her new things, housing her, and feeding her. But what exactly is her excuse for abandoning you? Did she ever tell you it was because you set boundaries, along with neededing therapy, or are you assuming this? IMO just about everyone I know could use some therapy LOL.
Example: I quit my job, had a nervous breakdown, alienated from all my friends, and started healing and it took 2 years before I felt that I was ready to re-enter society. No one called for a psych evaluation on me except ME!
When I reached the point where I felt better I contacted my friends and started getting out of the house. It was a process I had to go through in order to heal because if I had people constantly calling or writing me it would have distracted me from my healing. I dedicated 2 years of my life to healing and I'm much better now than I was prior to abandoning my friends.
My best friend was upset with me, but we worked it out after I told her it was something I had to do and we have a much healthier friendship now. As for the other girl with the anti-social behavior, well, I am healthier, and she is sicker.
My point here is this: She kept calling me and trying to be "fake" friends again by using manipulation, guilt trips and shaming me. When it didn't work she resorted to violence. Then when that didn't work she mailed me a letter.
I think you should just let her go and leave her alone and let her deal with her own issues "In her own way" because you can barely live your own life (as stated in the first several posts), and I don't see how you can live hers for her too. I don't mean any disrespect here, and I'm sorry you are hurting over the loss of the friendship but there are two sides to every story and maybe she IS just a selfish individual with no regard to your feelings?
But experience shows in most cases we have to own OUR part in the situation so we can learn our lesson and move on.
If you rescue her you are undermining her own ability to take care of herself and you are not doing her any favors, but sabotaging her own abilities to heal on her own. However, I do think contacting her other friends to make sure she is OK is wise, but calling a psych evaluation for someone would be enough to piss me off too. That would definitely be a "deal breaker" even if my husband were to do it. Yep!
Best of luck to you
critters
I had a good friend who is anti-social and I had to let her go because she would unload on me for hours and then call her best friend up and unload on her too. Then she would create conflict between me and her other friend. Her motive was to get me mad so I would explode in front of other people so she could point me out and say, "Look at how angry she is - Hee Hee. She needs anger management"
After she did this to me enough times it didn't take much for everyone to believe I was a lose cannon when I really only am when antagonized intensely by a clever person with anti-social behavior disorder. Because no one else could get me that angry that often (just her). It's a game she played to keep me under her thumb for future use as her pawn.
It was essential to my well being to part company because of the co-dependency issue. She tried to become friends with me again by guilt tripping me, and shamming me by telling me everything she did for me (for instance she introduced me to her brother who I married) and I asked, "Did you need a receipt for that"? I guess in her eyes I owed her for what she did for me because I didn't ever ask her for a quarter of what she did for me. Also, I did quite of bit of rescuing her when her family shunned her for sleeping with her boyfriend's brother in his own house and he was supporting her.
Anyway she resorted to sicking her family on me and it was violent. She has major control issues and has to control everyone in her family and is quite successful at it.
While I didn't get rid of all my possessions I did burn all the pictures of her and everything she gave me. But it was symbolic for me to clean the contaminated things by which she used to manipulate me. She would mentally abuse me and then turn around and do something really nice for me or buy me something. It's a clever tactic a lot of individuals use to keep people sick right along with them, and to keep people under their thumb to do their dirty work.
I didn't understand what was going on until I researched my past and found that I grew up with 3 people with anti-social behavior disorders. I realized that most people tend to hang around the people we are comfortable with. Maybe you are a "rescuer" and you set yourself up for this failure/abandonment? It's an archetype called the "saboteur" that every person has in their ego. I figure you know this since you are taking psych classes?
If I was in your position I would ask myself why were we friends in the first place? and what kept us friends? and what benefit did I get from the relationship? Because it's a fact that both parties benefit from a relationship or it wouldn't exist.
Maybe it's in your nature to rescue people so you feel needed, and that helps you with self-esteem issues and helps you with the control issues. I had anorexia too, and we both know it's about control. If we feel we don't have control over our lives we don't eat. Maybe when you rescued this individual you neglected your own needs, and then when you said, "enough" she abandoned you, and you lost control over her, which will keep you sick with anorexia? Sometimes it's hard to see the saboteur in ourselves and I'm not trying to upset you, I'm trying to help you see how these things happen in cycles.
As a psych major you should know the consequences of what happens when you set boundaries with people, the rules of the friendship changes everything, and people get MAD or leave so I don't understand why you are blaming yourself when you know the consequences of setting boundaries?
We know what she benefited from the relationship: You were buying her new things, housing her, and feeding her. But what exactly is her excuse for abandoning you? Did she ever tell you it was because you set boundaries, along with neededing therapy, or are you assuming this? IMO just about everyone I know could use some therapy LOL.
Example: I quit my job, had a nervous breakdown, alienated from all my friends, and started healing and it took 2 years before I felt that I was ready to re-enter society. No one called for a psych evaluation on me except ME!
When I reached the point where I felt better I contacted my friends and started getting out of the house. It was a process I had to go through in order to heal because if I had people constantly calling or writing me it would have distracted me from my healing. I dedicated 2 years of my life to healing and I'm much better now than I was prior to abandoning my friends.
My best friend was upset with me, but we worked it out after I told her it was something I had to do and we have a much healthier friendship now. As for the other girl with the anti-social behavior, well, I am healthier, and she is sicker.
My point here is this: She kept calling me and trying to be "fake" friends again by using manipulation, guilt trips and shaming me. When it didn't work she resorted to violence. Then when that didn't work she mailed me a letter.
I think you should just let her go and leave her alone and let her deal with her own issues "In her own way" because you can barely live your own life (as stated in the first several posts), and I don't see how you can live hers for her too. I don't mean any disrespect here, and I'm sorry you are hurting over the loss of the friendship but there are two sides to every story and maybe she IS just a selfish individual with no regard to your feelings?
But experience shows in most cases we have to own OUR part in the situation so we can learn our lesson and move on.
If you rescue her you are undermining her own ability to take care of herself and you are not doing her any favors, but sabotaging her own abilities to heal on her own. However, I do think contacting her other friends to make sure she is OK is wise, but calling a psych evaluation for someone would be enough to piss me off too. That would definitely be a "deal breaker" even if my husband were to do it. Yep!
Best of luck to you
critters
- Post starter
- #52
If I replied to the above, it'd probably get me in trouble with breaking some rules... I thought we could block people or individual messages or whatever, but can't figure out how, and I don't need to deal with someone telling me I ain't doing a good enough job- can we delete this entire thread, please?
- Post starter
- #53
Nevermind, I finally got the ignore feature working...sorry, I just can't deal with some of the comments that were made in the reply, they got me into a really bad place, and I freaked out because I kept trying to figure out the ignore feature and it wouldn't work at first for some reason. I got it working now finally.
- Admin
- #54
anthony
Founder
You know the rules on that Trapped... sorry. You have to live with the fact, when you begin something, you are going to get a wide range of opinions, whether you like them or not, they are those persons opinions. It would be boring if we all though alike. I am not going into the content here, just the broader spectrum of "opinions should be respected as opinions." Nobody said any opinion is right or wrong, only you can know that. Take from a thread what you want, leave the rest behind.
As for ignoring people, etc, you can do that from your usercp. You add the users name to the ignore list. The only members that doesn't work on, is an editor.
As for ignoring people, etc, you can do that from your usercp. You add the users name to the ignore list. The only members that doesn't work on, is an editor.
I'm probably on ignore but can someone please tell her I am very sorry that I hurt her. My intentions were not to cause harm but to help her see a pattern that she may be getting herself into, and unable to break out of if she is in denial. I have done this with the same exact thing since I was 20 years old when I first got anorexia.
I can say without a doubt anorexia is something to worry about. People die so easily from it, while others can live longer, and I know it's one hell of an addiction to let go of (almost impossible).
I would rescue people, they would take take advantage, crap on me, or take every ounce of control from me, then I would get anorexia.
I've had 3 relapses since I was 20 years old when I first got it, and the pattern is the same every-time.
Maybe I should have said it differently, but sometimes it takes a no-nonsense type approach to make people snap out of it, if in fact that is what is really happening with her.
I'm just expressing my thoughts based on what I read and what I've already experienced with this viscous circle of "rescuing" and "relapsing".
I am not asking her to take me off of ignore at all. I just want her to know I was not trying to harm her or make her feel worse.
I can say without a doubt anorexia is something to worry about. People die so easily from it, while others can live longer, and I know it's one hell of an addiction to let go of (almost impossible).
I would rescue people, they would take take advantage, crap on me, or take every ounce of control from me, then I would get anorexia.
I've had 3 relapses since I was 20 years old when I first got it, and the pattern is the same every-time.
Maybe I should have said it differently, but sometimes it takes a no-nonsense type approach to make people snap out of it, if in fact that is what is really happening with her.
I'm just expressing my thoughts based on what I read and what I've already experienced with this viscous circle of "rescuing" and "relapsing".
I am not asking her to take me off of ignore at all. I just want her to know I was not trying to harm her or make her feel worse.
D
Deleted member 541
Critters,
There are things on the forum that some people don't like to read/hear. It's usually because it's a trigger, or because it's the truth. You have the right to voice your opinion, and you did so in a nonthreatening way, IMO....
Trapped needs to figure out why this upset her so much. In doing so, she will learn a bit about herself, and she will also learn how to better take care of herself, in a healthy manner. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it can also heal if we let it.....
I too went through anorexia when I was in my 30's. I was bulimic also. I still get times when the bulimia will rear it's ugly head, but I haven't had anorexia issues in a long long time. I actually love to eat now. No more control issues as far as that is concerned.....
There are things on the forum that some people don't like to read/hear. It's usually because it's a trigger, or because it's the truth. You have the right to voice your opinion, and you did so in a nonthreatening way, IMO....
Trapped needs to figure out why this upset her so much. In doing so, she will learn a bit about herself, and she will also learn how to better take care of herself, in a healthy manner. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it can also heal if we let it.....
I too went through anorexia when I was in my 30's. I was bulimic also. I still get times when the bulimia will rear it's ugly head, but I haven't had anorexia issues in a long long time. I actually love to eat now. No more control issues as far as that is concerned.....
- Post starter
- #57
Before other people start commenting and getting this thread more off-topic, I want to try to direct it back to the original topic if anyone continues to post to it... this thread was originally about reaching out and setting boundaries, NOT about my anorexia as I feel that's not something to discuss in detail here anyway, there are eating disorder forums dedicated to that type of discussion, just as this forum is meant to be dedicated to the discussion of PTSD. I know that often the two can occur together, and that many others here have struggled with it, but I just think that such discussion is better suited for elsewhere. I also think we should all be able to support each other, but not generalize from our own individual experiences, and not try to diagnose or over-analyze- that job is just much more safely left to professionals.
Hope this doesn't sound harsh- I just don't want this thread to run entirely off topic, which it started to do.
Hope this doesn't sound harsh- I just don't want this thread to run entirely off topic, which it started to do.
Generally speaking....
You let them go when you are ready to let them go and in the mean time you look to people with positive support to offer you on the decisions and boundaries you have chosen, and you ignore the others. Life is FILTERING. Life experience, therapy, consciousness and spirit are the tools which shape and cultivate our filters. We train ourselves with these things, but as with any student, can only bloom when we are ready. :wink:
The ugliness of the past is nothing compared to the beauty of the future. Write this on your mirror, in lipstick, eyeliner, or permanent marker. It all washes off. :thumbs-up:thumbs-up:thumbs-up:thumbs-up
You let them go when you are ready to let them go and in the mean time you look to people with positive support to offer you on the decisions and boundaries you have chosen, and you ignore the others. Life is FILTERING. Life experience, therapy, consciousness and spirit are the tools which shape and cultivate our filters. We train ourselves with these things, but as with any student, can only bloom when we are ready. :wink:
The ugliness of the past is nothing compared to the beauty of the future. Write this on your mirror, in lipstick, eyeliner, or permanent marker. It all washes off. :thumbs-up:thumbs-up:thumbs-up:thumbs-up
- Post starter
- #59
This is for my T's supervisor... BLOW IT OUT YOUR ARSE, YOU DARN MEGA-BIATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Screw her, seriously... my friends have been ARSEHOLES lately by doing things like PURPOSELY hiding really triggering images inside books I'm reading, and that's caused flashbacks that have been hard to cope with, and my T's supervisor said "that's all YOUR fault"... I straight out said "F* you" while I was on the phone with her. I left a message on EVERYONE'S voicemail who works at that counseling center, letting EVERYONE know what a BIATCH this supervisor lady was. That was after I took a few handfuls of drugs- which si something I was trying to avoid doing. DO NOT TELL ME IT'S MY ****ING FAULT AND BLAME MY HAVING PTSD ON ME, DAMN YOU.
Screw her, seriously... my friends have been ARSEHOLES lately by doing things like PURPOSELY hiding really triggering images inside books I'm reading, and that's caused flashbacks that have been hard to cope with, and my T's supervisor said "that's all YOUR fault"... I straight out said "F* you" while I was on the phone with her. I left a message on EVERYONE'S voicemail who works at that counseling center, letting EVERYONE know what a BIATCH this supervisor lady was. That was after I took a few handfuls of drugs- which si something I was trying to avoid doing. DO NOT TELL ME IT'S MY ****ING FAULT AND BLAME MY HAVING PTSD ON ME, DAMN YOU.
Trapped--I'm new, okay, like yesterday. So I don't know what's available on this website completely. But besides yelling at your therapist and your therapist's supervisor, you also need to soothe yourself. Maybe make a list of what soothes you. Do you have a pet? Do you like taking baths with candles? Do you like steak-fries or watching late-night TV? What do you do to ground yourself when you get dissociated? How do you handle those situations (like doorknob therapy). Do you have a phone list of people/crisis lines (I don't understand why they can't help you--I think thats very odd)...My best friend is my bf, but he is preoccupied with his business. So I read or draw..
Take Care of Yourself. Eat and Sleep Well.
Take Care of Yourself. Eat and Sleep Well.
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
Latest posts
-
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- Latest: Seraphine fatal
-
