Not A News Flash: The World Is A Mess And I'm Triggered.

[Justmehere]

My therapist says if I am scared, it's ok to sometimes do something to help me feel safe and prepared.

I'm not a prepper, and I have nothing against anyone who is. That's not what I'm talking about. I did grow up with a father who was responsible for security for the electrical grid for a large state in the US, and we were always had emergency short term kits at our house to handle whatever could happen. I used to have an emergency bag, but it was stolen years ago. I want to make a new "go-bag" but looking up and buying the items I need just for a first aid kid is making me go numb again. I'm so broke between paying for therapy and making ends meet on disability that I can't do much anyhow. But I want to re-stock my first aid kit, and put a first aid kit in a backpack I have, and start a new emergency go bag. I'm going NUMB just trying to buy a new thermometer. How do I get past this?

I can't read the news anymore. I have long stopped watching TV. I only see the occasional comedy show on Netflix or Hulu. I love movies, but try to see ones that don't have much violence or gory scenes - those things leave me feeling tense and stressed out to watch.

I usually read the news most days, both local news and from various international sources. After this morning, I don't think I can read the news very often anymore. It triggered the heck out of me and I have been in a dissociative state for a few hours - which is the worst my dissociation gets. I didn't even make it past the headlines. I couldn't tell you what triggered me, other than the whole mess the world is in right now. It sort of triggered a bit of a existential-freak-out moment and the only thing that has grounded me is prayer, a few moments of writing out swear words in my journal (I have NO idea why this helped, but it did) and listening to my sweet dog. I want to be FUNCTIONAL and helpful and useful. Right now, I'm just trying to shake this off.

Anyone else struggle with any of this? The dissociation is wearing off and I'm fighting tears. I don't understand why it got to me this morning, and I'm too embarrassed to tell my therapist. (I know, I should tell her when I see her this week, but I feel like I got myself into this state, I should be able to get myself out of it... which is probably nonsensical thinking on my part.)

 

[KwanYingirl]

First of all, it's a very good idea to stay away from newscasts and newspapers. If you must have some news watch BBC news. US news media I on a mission to traumatized their listeners and readers.
Second, I was also triggered and dissociative today about three hours ago. So I checked my email and this site and Annie's on my lap and my heart is beating hard. When I come out of a dissociative state I go into anxiety attack. It is truly exhausting.

I have no idea what triggered me. I tried to nap but there's too much adrenaline in my body.

Your go bag sounds like a great idea. Reminds me of Girl Scouts. I wish you could break things down into bite size pieces. If all you get this week is a thermometer, then so be it. I'm on SSDI, so I can relate to never having money. I do get flexible fabric band aids though, they're just the greatest invention!

I think, generally speaking, that having PTSD means being in a near constant state of worry. Not a tangible worry like a tornados coming, but a soul worry, something deep inside that just doesn't ever feel safe. And you're fertilizing it with thinking about your go bag. Put it away for now. I don't think you're in danger of needing it as long as you don't self harm. Give yourself a month to collect what you need.

 

[Springer80]

If you must have some news watch BBC news.

Actually as a Brit I watch Channel 4 news as I think that is even more balanced and nuanced. The beeb have been getting on my nerves in recent years, they copy the schmaltzy presenting couple idea from the states. I don't want to hear the newscaster's opinion, I want informed experts, it's supposed to be journalism not a daytime chat show!! :bored::wtf: Trust me Channel 4 is the way to go but you know, no style or content decisions can get around the fact that the middle east is bombing the shit out of each other etc

Also there is a online newspaper called Positive News, where strange stories are told of people helping each other? :eek:

a few moments of writing out swear words in my journal (I have NO idea why this helped, but it did)

I know why! If you have Netflix, watch a three part documentary by Stephen Fry on the historical and functional development of language. There is a part on swearing where he and a Shakespearean actor put their hands in freezing water and see how long they can stand it whilst saying a swear word as opposed to a non 'offensive' word. So they shout boll**ks and f**k whilst a neurologist explains why. It's funny!!! :giggle:

 

[Springer80]

It's called Fry's Planet Word. There are 5 episodes not 3 (sorry). I can't find it in isolation on youtube but the series is worth watching anyway.

 

[Go Hungry]

Well I would avoid the news if you can help it. I watch it frequently, and keep up with things online, and it can be depressing. There's no reason to upset yourself about things you can't control. :hug:

Oh and for prepping. There are some things you can do that cost a tiny amount, but totally count in an emergency. Like learning fire-making techniques. I had no idea just how many ways there were to make a fire until I took a crash course with some friends. I also fill old two-liter bottles with water and keep them in the fridge in case the water goes out again. (This has the added bonus of keeping your fridge colder and cutting down on power usage.) And other things, like a needle and thread that don't cost much.

I found a link that goes to a budget prepping site. I don't know if it will trigger you or not, but it seems friendly. :bag: Anyways, here you go.

 

[Chava]

I got really weird and panic-y about the world when I moved into a house and felt I was using up more resources. It is so good to be aware. But I turn my awareness into overwhelm. I became really plastic-phobic almost and was trying to save any scrap of waste water from dishes or whatever to throw into the compost pile. I don't have children and I think I'll deal with that "loss" over time, but I'd also be a mess thinking about the world in their future. I mean, we even have to fear things like having safe water...or being sure we don't let industry buy the government so that Coca-Cola can buy up lakes. See where my head goes?

I've always been into being prepared and having gadgets like pocket knives and flashlights, ever since I was a kid. I have to work against having a 20-pound purse that has stuff like NASA heat blankets in it, you know, just in case...

As for the news, I can't handle much of it either. What really got me was Sandy Hook (I'm a teacher, too, but everyone should be traumatized by that kind of human madness...that this can even happen). I do not watch the news. I don't mind news sites where I can pick and choose, and keep myself informed, but I can't sit and have it thrown at me. And after Sandy Hook I had to avoid news sites for a while too. It only got worse as the NRA got involved and responded to the tragedy saying we should all have guns to protect ourselves. Like we are all animals and nobody is safe...anywhere.

Sorry, this isn't helpful!!! I do relate to needing boundaries around the news. I used to think it was kind of selfish. But I like to stay informed in ways that don't overwhelm or exhaust me...and it's been important to notice for myself that this happens pretty easily.

 

[NovemberStar]

I very much relate and like you, I avoid the news.

Definitely recommend you stop reading the news as well. The media report all the awful things because disaster sells. Nothing attracts more readers than stories installing massive fear in people!! Honestly - people don't rush to read stories in the same way if they are happy things being reported on. That's why all the awful things will be focused on - repeatedly.

 

[Springer80]

You know it's not a failure because you don't like it and can't cope with it. It's trash a lot of it anyway, it's not helpful or productive so it's not like your weak because you edit it out. Actually if by doing that you become more productive then that's a good thing. You have to curate your own incoming stream.

 

[WillyKat]

There's nothing wrong with being prepared for an emergency. That's just wisdom. We all know how much the government can and can't do after hurricane Katrina in the US.

Preparing can become counterproductive if its just an extension of PTSD hypervigilance. There's a lot of guys in the US (but not just the US) that turned their lives upside down, moved into the woods, built bunkers, and accumulated ever more firearms and ammo…well you know the story. (Personally, I think a lot of that is PTSD hypervigilance out of control.) I have to admit that a few years ago during a dark time, I was thinking seriously about some of these things, though it never got out of control and never really left the thinking stage.

There are other ways to be prepared for whatever may come: homesteading, growing your own food even if you don't have much land, increasing your skills (fire is a good example, disinfecting water, first aid), going off the grid, self-sufficiency. Even wilderness survival is good healthy knowledge that is also empowering and good for dealing with PTSD.

A couple of book recommendations: both by primitive skills and survival expert Cody Lundin:
- When All Hell Breaks Loose
- 98.6 Degrees: The Art of Keeping Your Ass Alive

By the way, I would recommend 98.6 Degrees because there are some nuggets in there that are relevant to dealing with PTSD.

 

[Springer80]

We all know how much the government can and can't do after hurricane Katrina in the US.

Good point. Not many hurricanes in The MIdlands, UK.
However, the Southwest took a beating in the last two years with very serious flooding. Perhaps not a violent as a hurricane but quite devastating in the fact of being reduced to nothing and having to start from scratch.

I'm with WillyKat, I think self sufficiency is a wise, empowering, environmentally sound and anti capitalist move which has lots of benefits. We need a less disposable society and the more active in our own existence we are the better we are long term. It's healthier mentally too.

Don't go digging a bunker just yet though, eh JMH!! :bag:;)

 

[Justmehere]

Everyone's input and suggestions has really helped me today. I'm not numb, I have a little bit of a plan too. A pretty mild plan too. (Not digging any bunkers yet! ;) )

I'm flooded with emotion - which is normal for me after being so numb. I've been in a panic for awhile. Shaking, shivering, and hyperventilating. I wrote down what is going on for me so I can tell my T, and I may call her first thing in the morning. I want to try to wait for my session but my panic is really getting to be ridiculous...

I'm having a hard time thinking and I will wrote more soon, but I really wanted to say thank you all for your support!

 

[Friday]

But I want to re-stock my first aid kit, and put a first aid kit in a backpack I have, and start a new emergency go bag. I'm going NUMB just trying to buy a new thermometer. How do I get past this?

Try backing up a step and lateral thinking.

Backing up a step
- Make a list of everything you want in your first aid kit. If that's too triggery, back up another step.
- Instead of bonafide first aid kit, set up proper (aka the way you want it set up) make a short stop. What medication do you currently use & find useful? Aka what's in your bathroom cab? Take it all, and put it in a ziplock bag. Then walk to the pharmacy and buy replacements.

Lateral thinking

I'm with you. There are times when the best I can manage is taping $50 to the roof of my trunk. I used to have "everything". Standard go-bag plus specialized ones for various things. As well as a mini-version in my trunk at all times. At my worst, the best I could manage was having a $20 bill, some gel & conditioner -I can use any soap on my hair, but really need conditioner & gel, bleeding curly hair- and a change of clothes in my trunk. This was in my catting-around phase, and it meant no matter where I woke up I could take a shower, & change, & put gas in my car, & eat & go home.

"Real" go-bags (aka what's in my head as what I want) cover the spectrum from natural disaster to war. When I get really bad, though, that either means I'm trapped in my house or just have to walk out and use my durn debit card to get what I need on the go. That's not the way I like to live. I don't like to have to depend on the availability of things. But it's better than being trapped in my house. If the option is to not go or buy things as I go, then darnit! I'm going to walk out with nothing but the clothes on my back and a debit card. If I can't find my card I've got $50 taped to my trunk (Oy. Inflation. $20 used to do the same thing!).

I had to take my mind off the mission of the "go bag" and come at it from another direction. Because I was going numb. A daily life bag? I can do that. A trunk full of tricks? Done. (that one was when my son was little... Box of diapers, shelf stable milk, swimsuits and snow suits, infant Tylenol, etc. I just kept adding useful things to my trunk so I could take the baby and walk out without needing to pack up for the day. I knew whatever I needed was in my trunk.), anything... In little bits and pieces... That let me feel like I've got things covered.

I've been staying at my parents recently, and my mom keeps being "helpful" by cleaning out my car. Noooooooooooo! That's my security blanket! I have everything I might need in it! Dammit. Put my hibachi back! Yes. I really do need 30gal of water. Stop. Just stop! I don't care that it's summer, I store my snow clothes there (so if I'm in the mountains I'm fine). OMG. It's my doggone trunk. Leave it alone! I carry my groceries in the back seat. Stop. Stop. Stop. And now it's all out of order. Sheesh.

It's the same durn thing, really. But my brain will shut down when I'm in a bad place about zipping things into a backpack if it has "this" label, and is for "that" thing. Because I've got an idea of what it "should" be, and be used for. So I come at it laterally. A taped piece of money. A ziplock with toiletries. A few camping meals thrown into a milk crate in my trunk, along with a few other odds and ends as I come across them.

And so, eventually, I've got what I need. Without the stress of try into make my brain do it.