Partner Doesn't Believe Me When I'm Triggered

[Britt.f7]

I wish I can help you. My spouse has always been supportive even though we rarely talk about it. I think of all the years, though, that we lost, by my not dealing with it. Just know that you are worth better treatment. I'm not saying move on. I'm saying you deserve better. Everyone can change. They have to want to. Struggling to find your way, you need to have someone who is supportive, even if they don't necessarily understand it. That's how my spouse is. I've been fortunate. You can be too. Even with the current boyfriend but it looks like he has a lot of work ahead of him too.

 

[fyrenraine]

Everyone gave a lot of good advice and had good insight. Thank you. In all honesty I will probably not leave him over this. I can imagine it's hard to deal with sometimes..maybe even a lot of the time. I avoid things, I blow up, forget parts or all of arguments we have. It is good to know I am not the only one. I think I just want support and validation from him. I might be trying to force it too much. I will keep at it and try to become better at recognizing when I am triggered, or the stressors that could lead that way. I liked the link to the difference between stressors and triggers too btw. :) I am not currently in therapy. Nor is he. I was 2 yrs ago and was able to work through some of the trauma. I had a very good T. She went into her own practice and I could not afford her. I had most of the tools I needed for the rest...or so I thought. I had a nasty relationship with a guy with npd shortly before I stopped seeing my T....err not diagnosed,but very highly suspected. If not, he was just a horrible duhumanizing person with no feelings or remorse. It didn't hit me until way after it was over. I also had a mom who was bpd and in my ear. I went nc with her and that gave me more problems than I thought it would. I should probably look into counseling again. I might try a little more myself first. I don't like dealing with intakes, new people, feeling judged. I have a feeling maybe there is hope for lessening the symptoms and that I am not as crazy as I feel sometimes.

 

[Abstract]

Well done. I strongly suggest you get you professional treatment. PTSD is not something to do on ones own. He needs to do so too. Tools are important and a means to be able to manage processing the trauma more safely as well as managing life more safely.

 

[Lucycat]

I have Complex PTSD. I never tell my husband that something has 'triggered' me. I might say I am having a bad day, or am feeling grumpy or something like that. If somethings comes upon me all of a sudden I tend to bottle it up and try to process it before telling him later that maybe I'm not doing so good. All of this means that I am distancing from the trigger, and I don't feel any need to tell Rory what the specific trigger was. Its like it's my problem and I don't expect him to walk on eggshells trying to protect me from 'everyday life'.

 

[Abstract]

I haven't even said I have PTSD but I am right there with you @Lucycat. I would hate to make someone feel responsible for my triggers. I would also not want to disrupt the balance of responsibility whilst having an argument. It would almost feel like wielding a weapon in a sense.

 

[scout86]

One of the most interesting and eye opening things about this forum, for me, is posts like this one. When I read a description of the situation, not being involved and not actually knowing the people who ARE involved, there are things that begin to stand out.

Why do people get involved in relationships in the first place? Probably lots of reasons, but why do it and what is a "good" relationship?

And here we have this:

He becomes angry and will emotionally and verbally attack me if I say I am triggered or if I act anxious, or upset.

Does any part of that look like a good thing to anybody? Is the person in question interested in being more supportive, or just interested in getting what ever it is he wants? Why is HE in the relationship?

I don't have the answers to those questions, I'm just wondering what's the point and where's the relationship going.

I like the way Lucycat handles the "being triggered" thing and that's what I try to do too. I don't look at it as "Person A is triggering me" I look at it as "I'm being triggered by (whatever happens to be going on to stir up the problem)". From there, I work to go on and remind myself that, what ever button is being pushed, it is most likely NOT what the original scenario that created the button was. "Yes, I'm being screamed at and that reminds my amygdla of other times and other situations, but this is NOW and this is different, and I actually have the ability to keep myself safe and influence what's going on, etc." That works pretty well, for me, if I have the presence of mind to remember it.