He also tells me that I have too many triggers and no one he has met with ptsd has that many. He has been diagnosed as well, but doesn't seem to suffer very much. He is a vet. My triggers are more related to emotional situations. Maybe its just different for him. I dunno. We are currently working on our relationship. I figured talking to someone else about this one would be good...talking to him gets nowhere.
My partner has PTSD too. I have so been right where you are at. Nobody knows the nature of your relationship other than the fact that you are hurting right now and it matters. How you feel right now is so valid.
What I can tell you is that in my own experience with my husband, I went through the same things. He didn't ever call me a liar outright, but often times, he said things that made me feel like he thought I was. It's a long hard road. Nobody is unaffected by PTSD when it comes to a family or intimate relationship.
In the beginning, I did not know who I was at all. We had all kinds of problems when memories surfaced for me. I had outbursts, it was awful. I didn't have my own perception and thought I was crazy all of the time. I couldn't figure out who he was or who I was, and every time we fought, it felt like there were 10 other people in the room. It was rough. I can tell you that doing the trauma work in therapy over time, I built an ego again. I figured out who I was and I like myself today even though I still suffer PTSD. There is no cure. For so long, because I did not have my own perception, I took on my husband's perception. I turned him into my big scary monster for a long time. I didn't trust anyone and I didn't trust myself. Over time, today, I know who he is and I know who I am. I know his triggers and he knows mine and we are sensitive to that. We are VERY sensitive to that. It was not like that in the beginning. When we would fight, I couldn't even remember things that I said or the details of the conflict. I couldn't not remember a lot. And because I shared all of myself with my husband, there were even times when he thought that I was just "rebelling" when I asserted myself or I asserted who I was, etc. It will all balance out over time.
Recently, we made a transition in our marriage. I now have my own perception. I can now follow a fight and remember what happened. I now have a sense of myself and can easily remember who I am. The last time he and I fought, he felt like the crazy one. He felt like he was losing his own perception. The moment he expressed that to me, I was able to love on him and empathize deeply with him. I was able to say to him, "Babe. You are not crazy. For so long, you carried the weight when I was in the pits of PTSD. I did not have a sense of self nor did I have my own perception. I did not have my own identity. Now that I do, it's all new for you. You are not used to it so that's why you feel crazy and feel like you are losing your own perception. I know what that's like. It's nobody's fault here. This will balance out over time."
You each will have to process the present, PTSD, and the past. It's not easy. It's not easy at all! I commend you for trying. We all say hurtful things to the ones that we love when times are rough. The important thing is that apologies are made and love keeps happening. It will get better. You are so brave and so strong. One of the things that helped us the most was to sit down and have discussions agreeing to give each other a break. To go easy on each other and slow down on all of the stress that we take on in life as a couple. That has helped immensely!
BIG HUGS!! You got this and we are here for you.
