munkinmama
Silver Member
I had to wait to write about this I was so worked up i waited until I was calmer . Yesterday I had to get my youngest son's mediation from his dad's house. I have difficulty being around this man as he is my abusive ex and is a huge trigger for me. I might add so is my ex's dad. My fiance is here for a visit he wanted to see the "farm" that housed the house that burnt down in Feb. After my middle son gave him a ride on the quad we went to the "farm". Oh before I forget I was meeting the neighbors that my kids absolutely adore. These neighbors have two dogs and I have my Service Dog in training with me. The neighbor's dogs were barking and my dog barked a couple of times out of frustration, she was trying to see the dogs and i was not letting her. My ex father in law tried to kick my dog to shut her up fortunately he did not connect with her. I was hoping he would have so I could create a scene. My ex just stood there and did nothing. I was so mad but glad I had my dog with me she kept me fairly calm. Now we head to the "farm" this is a place of great anxiety for me I spent 8 years living in worst then 3 rd world country conditions with our kids. This is the place i was getting raped nightly by my ex. This is the house the kids and I were abused. It was bitter sweet to see the house where the abuse happened burnt to the ground. I still have a great deal of anxiety setting foot on the property. I walked around a bit and quickly got triggered so i returned to the car. I was not easy to be there. My fiance was amazed at the conditions I had to live in and the conditions the kids have to live in now. He is still wrapping his head around how my ex has full custody of the kids and I replied it is because I have a mental illness. It does not matter I have been working on bettering myself as soon as the courts or cps hears mental illness the door shuts tightly
