I'm afraid I've spread myself way too thin. I've been giving myself to everyone but me. I don't think there is much more left of me. Everything just seems really hopeless right now, like I'll never climb out of this. I'm not really sure where to go from here, but the only way I can see is straight down. Looking for a reason not to give up, but I'm coming up empty handed. I'm just tired right now.
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Not Much Of Me Left For Me...
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Try to hang in there my friend. Try doing some nice things for yourself and try to get as much rest as you can. You've been really busy and have had lots going on. You can come out of this and it will get better with time. Just don't give up and use your tools. I'm here if you need a chat or vent.
I hear you loud and clear- sorry it's backing up on you like this.
After 8 years, I realize I'll never be anywhere near as happy/fullfilled as I had been, so I literally just try to take pride and comfort in the struggle, and just enjoy the peaks when the waves hit. It's a pretty solid gut-check, but what the hell. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's helped me step back from the edge.
I find the one great daily reprieve I get is from the dogs and the horse- I thought I re-called you saying something about horses. Guaranteed one of those f*ckers makes me laugh at least once a day. To be able to lock into their mind takes me right out of the human element, into thier world....much nicer place. Hopefully you can escape a bit, treat yourself to a much deserved re-charge.
After 8 years, I realize I'll never be anywhere near as happy/fullfilled as I had been, so I literally just try to take pride and comfort in the struggle, and just enjoy the peaks when the waves hit. It's a pretty solid gut-check, but what the hell. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's helped me step back from the edge.
I find the one great daily reprieve I get is from the dogs and the horse- I thought I re-called you saying something about horses. Guaranteed one of those f*ckers makes me laugh at least once a day. To be able to lock into their mind takes me right out of the human element, into thier world....much nicer place. Hopefully you can escape a bit, treat yourself to a much deserved re-charge.
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I agree with TXbandit. Try not to look down or around at circumstances. Protect your mind from the toxic thoughts. Most of them, as bad as they may feel, are just electrical impulses firing at random. They don't mean anything.
Rest is worth the effort (a contradiction in terms), to give yourself the break you need. Conscientious people will look after others first and feel guilty about sitting around "resting." But to better take of others, or a job, etc. rest is necessary. Even if it means things don't get done for a few days.
Triage the demands if possible. List what is critical first, then necessary second, and last, what can wait. When I do this, normally there's nothing in the critical column and even the necessary items can be moved around to give space for rest.
You've heard the one about loosing a bow's string? To take the tension off occasionally keeps the bow strong. There is also a wisdom proverb about taking time out to sharpen the saw. Both precepts are good for the long term efforts of our lives.
Being tired really does give place to discouragement. The one feeds on the other.
It's not about feeling worthy enough to take care of yourself, either. It's about rest. Period. It's the way we're wired.
When I read your post I thought "I know how that feels, that kind of despair. Here's someone else who understands." It gives a sense of connection, right?
Hope it helps being in touch and thanks for allowing others to reach out to you. It gives me a sense of purpose, something I don't have very often.
I agree with TXbandit. Try not to look down or around at circumstances. Protect your mind from the toxic thoughts. Most of them, as bad as they may feel, are just electrical impulses firing at random. They don't mean anything.
Rest is worth the effort (a contradiction in terms), to give yourself the break you need. Conscientious people will look after others first and feel guilty about sitting around "resting." But to better take of others, or a job, etc. rest is necessary. Even if it means things don't get done for a few days.
Triage the demands if possible. List what is critical first, then necessary second, and last, what can wait. When I do this, normally there's nothing in the critical column and even the necessary items can be moved around to give space for rest.
You've heard the one about loosing a bow's string? To take the tension off occasionally keeps the bow strong. There is also a wisdom proverb about taking time out to sharpen the saw. Both precepts are good for the long term efforts of our lives.
Being tired really does give place to discouragement. The one feeds on the other.
It's not about feeling worthy enough to take care of yourself, either. It's about rest. Period. It's the way we're wired.
When I read your post I thought "I know how that feels, that kind of despair. Here's someone else who understands." It gives a sense of connection, right?
Hope it helps being in touch and thanks for allowing others to reach out to you. It gives me a sense of purpose, something I don't have very often.
Friday
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Keep moving.
There isn't always a point. And there isn't always a reason... Yet. Keep moving and you'll find one.
Patience, motherf*cker. It's a stone cold bitch, but it ain't like you haven't had to hurry up and wait before. You've got this.
There isn't always a point. And there isn't always a reason... Yet. Keep moving and you'll find one.
Patience, motherf*cker. It's a stone cold bitch, but it ain't like you haven't had to hurry up and wait before. You've got this.
- Post starter
- #7
haven't had the motivation to go into the chat. been so down and don't want to drag others down with me. thought I was having a good day yesterday, but I guess I was wrong. my wife overspent our bank account by $300, now I don't even have gas money to go out to the ranch today. the ranch is not just equine therapy, it is the only thing I do for myself. I'm feeling really down right now. the only reason keeping me going is because it wouldn't be fair to the kids. that is a hell of a way to live with no hope or desire. so sick of feeling like this.
D
Deleted member 24866
Sorry to hear Florian, I love riding also, however it has been awhile. You sound pretty depressed- I recently have confirmed my depression frequently coincides with physical inflammation and this is a new theory. So check yourself.. make sure you are getting rest, and some good vitamins and hydration. Maybe don't expect to much from yourself and hang in there..ok? This is going to pass. I am sorry to hear about your wives reckless and inconsiderate spending. Maybe a walk and some prayer would be good. Hope you are going to be ok and sending hugs and positive vibes. If you want I would love to hear about your riding.. English or western, and what you are working on.
Hang in there and don't worry about bringing others down in chat. If you need to talk to someone that is what it is there for. You are always welcome in chat. I am sorry to hear that you won't be able to make it to the ranch today. Can you find something that will keep you occupied and healthy that you can do for yourself today? Try to stay busy so you don't dwell on problems. Send me a PM if you need to. I'm here for you.
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- #10
western. right now we are working on close order drill. we are all retired veterans and we are working on mounted drill with military precision. when I have lapses in riding I regress in my ability and confidence however, and it has been an awful month and a half for me, as I have only made it out to ride once. the ranch I ride at is run by a licensed equine therapist and this is therapy for me as much as it is fun/hobby, but I haven't been able to ride in a while and it is really starting to get to me.
D
Deleted member 24866
It would bother me too if I had the chance I really miss it. Its nice to get some sunshine and peace, horses are so intelligent mine had a great sense of humor. He was 3/4 Arab and the remainder quarter-horse. Very fast and liked to run, we always looked out for each other and I felt we had a special bond because everyone else was so afraid to ride him. Miss him terribly. :( I was pretty young we did some western on my grandfathers beef farm, and he was a natural at herding. But we worked into some hunt seat and a little dressage lessons. It can certainly challenge a person physically but mentally it was all pleasure for certain. We were great friends I respect the fact that he dumped me a couple times and always avoided stepping on me. We had each others back.
It sounds really exciting I would imagine the Military mounted drill is as controlled and specific as dressage I am not terribly familiar with it. Thank you for your service Sir. Truly. Get a little sun and hopefully a few breaths. One day at a time.
It sounds really exciting I would imagine the Military mounted drill is as controlled and specific as dressage I am not terribly familiar with it. Thank you for your service Sir. Truly. Get a little sun and hopefully a few breaths. One day at a time.
Mate, seeing you respond to this thread, hence aliive and responsive and so much guaranteeing ability to type, cheered me up so much. Grinned seeing your name pop by in mah alerts. So just when you wonder about bringing others down, please dont. That you hang on, can bring others UP, a lot.
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