Hi all im Jason,
I have never been in a war zone but I still think I have ptsd. I have experienced a lot of traumatic events in my life though I think. I am currently fighting suicidal thoughts and impulses and belive that I will never find relief from my torment. I have seen shrinks and psychologists, youth workers tried parmecutical drugs and been psychoanalysed that many times I cant bear to tell anyone the same thing. The biggest thing that triggers me is peoples expression (eg mocking me) or loud sudden noises I really hate loud sudden noises I go schizo if someone walks up behind me without giving me adequate warning. I try and control all situations around me. I have massive anger issues and basically have become a recluse becuase I cant deal with people, In fact I hate being in crowds of people.
A bit about my backround I was bought up as a Jehovahs Witness kid(Please remember it wasnt my choice and I hated it:)
secondly my father was a psycopathic fanatic, he used to threaten to kill us, in private he said I wish you were dead, I hate you and a number of other nice metaphorically colourfull descriptions. I would hide the bullets to the rifle when ever he went into one of his rages(which was often), he killed a number of animals in front of us including our pets. My mum used to threaten to tell the old man if we (played up) in the JW meeteings like when your a kid its hard to sit still. We were brainwashed into believing that death was better than life at least I was. I got bullied at schooll so bad that I had to leave in grade 8 becuase I had death threats from students at the school, and the education department couldnt guareentee my safety. this cramped the old mans style at home so he used to threaten me daily and (sneek up on me) eg pretend that he would walk away from my room then fling the door open and say what were you doing!? so yeah my childhood was great a lot more stuff happened but that was the gist of it and oh yeah he used to get kicks out of scaring me deliberatly and then threaten me if I got upset so yeah it was peachy:) In fact he used to make stuff up like trivial things that one of us had supposedly done and then threaten to hit us if we didnt fess up to it (which in nine out of ten cases we weren't responsible for) and then he would hit us if we had done it. and I mean he would go schizo. Anyway thats part of my sorry exisistence so far Im married by the way no kids and dont want any. Im worried about hurting my wife so Im considering leaving her because she is a gentle person and I get out of control badly.
I have never been in a war zone but I still think I have ptsd. I have experienced a lot of traumatic events in my life though I think. I am currently fighting suicidal thoughts and impulses and belive that I will never find relief from my torment. I have seen shrinks and psychologists, youth workers tried parmecutical drugs and been psychoanalysed that many times I cant bear to tell anyone the same thing. The biggest thing that triggers me is peoples expression (eg mocking me) or loud sudden noises I really hate loud sudden noises I go schizo if someone walks up behind me without giving me adequate warning. I try and control all situations around me. I have massive anger issues and basically have become a recluse becuase I cant deal with people, In fact I hate being in crowds of people.
A bit about my backround I was bought up as a Jehovahs Witness kid(Please remember it wasnt my choice and I hated it:)
secondly my father was a psycopathic fanatic, he used to threaten to kill us, in private he said I wish you were dead, I hate you and a number of other nice metaphorically colourfull descriptions. I would hide the bullets to the rifle when ever he went into one of his rages(which was often), he killed a number of animals in front of us including our pets. My mum used to threaten to tell the old man if we (played up) in the JW meeteings like when your a kid its hard to sit still. We were brainwashed into believing that death was better than life at least I was. I got bullied at schooll so bad that I had to leave in grade 8 becuase I had death threats from students at the school, and the education department couldnt guareentee my safety. this cramped the old mans style at home so he used to threaten me daily and (sneek up on me) eg pretend that he would walk away from my room then fling the door open and say what were you doing!? so yeah my childhood was great a lot more stuff happened but that was the gist of it and oh yeah he used to get kicks out of scaring me deliberatly and then threaten me if I got upset so yeah it was peachy:) In fact he used to make stuff up like trivial things that one of us had supposedly done and then threaten to hit us if we didnt fess up to it (which in nine out of ten cases we weren't responsible for) and then he would hit us if we had done it. and I mean he would go schizo. Anyway thats part of my sorry exisistence so far Im married by the way no kids and dont want any. Im worried about hurting my wife so Im considering leaving her because she is a gentle person and I get out of control badly.
