I have tried a few intakes. The results were horrible. It was not a simple ruling out of the therapist as an option. If it was that, that would be fine. It doesn't hit me like it probably would for others.
Therapists don't want to bother with telehealth portals and would rather send public/not HIPAA compliant emails and complain to my insurance if I don't detail trauma in extreme specifics moments upon meeting them or on emails... and it ends up with myself triggered and thinking therapists are unkind.
I will explain type and extent of trauma but not number of times I... I can't even write it. I mean come on. If someone can say I have xyz history, I want to work on abc, that should be enough for an intake. And initial session. Detailing further specifics of rape... what?! how is that ok to DEMAND at an intake? And then to issue blanket rejections out of group practices because I explain I'm not ready to do that 10 minutes after meeting someone?! I can list the trauma types and dates and severity. That's it. I am not going into further details at the intake or I will be dissociated or triggered to bits.
Several therapists have thrown a fit and penalized me when I indicated I would not be able to have regular in between session detailed email contact with the therapist and I wanted to keep therapy in therapy sessions. WTF. How is this something therapists complain about? One blew up my phone while at work. We had not even had an intake yet. This is not appropriate or professional behavior. I'm not calling therapists while at work. We can schedule times for sessions to talk. I'm not emailing daily updates. Hello HIPAA and SPACE. Oh my decision to not do this is unacceptable? You are now blocking me from your therapy network because I'm non-compliant because I don't call you at work? There is no urgency or need for all of this! I indicated I could respond about intakes and scheduling and mental health intake questions texted to me when I got off work in 3 hours.
Is the pandemic increasing therapists losing their shit and throwing ethics out the window? Seems like it. I just had one promising therapist dump my second session without telling me, because I didn't email back same day. WTF. I told her I don't do emails about therapy. I only found out she "discharged me" when I called asking why no link was sent for the session I was sitting around waiting to have. Only then was I informed I was discharged a week ago. Because I didn't email same day. I didn't know I had to email same day. Couldn't they have told me a week ago they shut out my case? How dare I not email same day on a public email system with no HIPAA compliance and no stated expectation that I must email same day, She emailed only asking, "how are you doing?" She didn't state hey, if you don't email me back I'm closing your case.
I am struggling. I would like someone to talk to that has clinical experience with trauma. The mental health care system seems filled with savior complex paternalistic assholes that want you to bend over and take it for your own damn good.
My insurance is now issuing complaints I keep doing intakes and not complying. I continue to explain I can not make therapy calls at f*cking work.
I tried to schedule another intake.... I canceled as soon as intake paperwork was sent. I see it, and all I think is here we go, I am to sit down shut up do what I am told, reveal intimate details of myself to a stranger, have no boundaries, have therapy take over my daily life, and if I don't like it then I will be penalized by this person and denied support and possibly have privacy blown up and hiccups with insurance...
It's not accurate thinking, but it's also not entirely wrong.
I was furious before I even started the online paperwork. It was actually reasonable paperwork. Nothing wrong with it. But inside? My thoughts are now... here we go again. You'll have to sit down and do as you are told and expose yourself or else be emotionally and otherwise penalized for being not good enough for the f*cking helpers.
I don't think I can keep going from these chronic experiences to seeing therapists as caring humans. Are they? I am losing the capacity to equate therapist with someone kind. It just seems like pushy people who get jollies off of demanding you do whatever you are told for your own good no matter the harm to you so they can feel good about being oh so helpful saviors. I know others connect to genuinely supportive therapists. I can't find them. Not for me. Not for someone now at the point intake paperwork pisses me off.
