Childhood Not sure if this is the right place or i am just wasting your time.

[Somigcoy]

Hello. I do not known if this is the right place to ask something like this. I am unsure if this counts as abuse.

I would like to ask this community if it counts.

Child is 7 to 9 years of age. Child is a male.

If a child is beaten by a man daily ( after the man comes from work ) for bad grades at school. Bad grades range A- to D. If the child doesn't do what the grandmother says, she will instruct the husband to beat him.

The child is not allowed to sleep alone and has to sleep in the same bed as the man. The man is married but choses not to sleep with the wife. The wife is alright with this. There is no sex of any kind.

Each time the child wants to use the bathroom ( urinate ) the man has to come and urinate along side the child. The child has to wait to use the bathroom so the man has something to urinate.

The child is not allowed to play with his stuffed animals because they may get dirty and will be beaten as a result.

The child uses profanity towards the grandmother. As a result the child is beaten in the gentile area with the metal belt buckle.

If the child break anything or spills anything he is either shouted at or beaten.

This took place approximately 17 years ago. The ethnicity of the man is Jewish but has a Russian background. I would like to know if this counts as abuse for the time or just discipline or old time upbringing. I understand that none of the crap above is normal in the society of today. The gentile area is not touched by the man. The man and the wife have zero recollection of the past. The man did sexually abuse the child's mother when she was young back in the home country.

I hope this didn't make anyone feel uncomfortable. I have been contemplating whether or not to post something like this for a month or so. Thank you for your time.

 

[ILoveLife]

Hi :)

How do you feel about it?
Seems like an awfully controlling and damaging environment, and there was physical abuse.

Hope you're in therapy, and highly recommend it if you're not.
:hug:

 

[Still Standing]

Of course that would be considered abuse. It was traumatic for the child. Of course, you should seek treatment from a mental health specialist. Find one that specializes in trauma therapy.

 

[user27357]

If you see something, say something. it doesn't matter where someone is from or what their chosen religion or societal norms are at all, If this is happening in America it is abuse under the law and needs to be reported.

I am not sure what the time that has passed will matter here.

Personally, I am sworn to report child abuse of any kind when i see it or even suspect it and If I had heard that story you told first hand I would have reported it probably within minutes of knowing, without hesitation, as soon as I knew of a name place and time. There are plenty of others on here that are also sworn to report that I am sure would echo that sentiment.

I urge you to set aside any fears you may have about reporting this for the sake of the child or another child that may find themselves in the same situation some day.

 

[ILoveLife]

@enough

This took place approximately 17 years ago.

OP says this took place 17 years ago.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hi @Somigcoy welcome to the forums.

I am unsure if this counts as abuse.

Yes it does count as abuse.

 

[Fadeaway]

You are in the right place. It was child abuse. Welcome, topics like thi are disscused freely here.

 

[Somigcoy]

Well it happened to me. I don't think there is anything to report. Plus I am a guy so . . . You know. I have sought help regarding this matter. I found a friend a few years ago and spoke to her about it. When I was a child, I was a bad kid in school because I had the impression that no matter how good I did I would be beaten anyways. So I never tried. Went to college and never finished. Since meeting her I have done something of a 180. She made me realize that the man had no power over me.

She made realize I have some value to myself and I can actually do what I want. That I could succeed and succeed. She literally saved my life.

Now i feel as though I have a late start in life.
But better than no start at all.

But that doesn't mean I am not angry. I got somewhat of a confession from the grandmother ( mine ,i just dont want to think she is mine ) I wish i could take a dna test and have it say i am not related ). She told me she realized beating me to get better grades didn't work. She said this was a typical upbringing of the old ways and i should stop blaming her. Then a year later she said none of this ever happened. That I was never abused or beaten. That I am taking this too seriously.

That pissed me off the most. That they wouldnt admit to it. That I can't make him pay for this. I could kick his ass but I don't want to waste more of my life on him. It was a relief to come to terms that their lives are finite. That they will eventually die.

I know it's bad to wish death on someone but in this case I don't care.

Thank you all for the warm welcome.

 

[Friday]

Even in countries where “normal” would be considered abuse in my country? There is a line between normal & brutal or cruel. Most people in those countries do all they can to get children away from brutal or cruel parents.

 

[Somigcoy]

I used to listen to other speak about their experiences while they were intoxicated. That seems to make it easier. Since you can fall back and " man up " to say you were just drunk.

 

[chiara vietto]

It is considered abuse even in families were spanking is used for correcting certain behavior. I wouldn't say countries, every family is different. My father was never spanked, neither his parents but my mother was.
My partner of 20 years soon to be ex was abused just like you, similar background..His sister sometimes minimizes, sometimes dramatizes..she is justifying the abuser and the mother never protected the children or herself.
My partner now after so many years his becoming the perpetrator with me..I stopped him and he completely shut down..he doesn't want to face his demons is thinking that it is all my fault..for 20 years I was his savior..
So don't let your family fool you..you know what happened ..period..talk with a therapist that validates your experience and feelings..
I hope you have a wonderful life..don't let your past define your..it wasn't your fault ..never

 

[garden]

That they wouldnt admit to it. That I can't make him pay for this.

This is hard to swallow, it would be for most people. All the emotions that come up, because you know you're alone with these things that happened to you, are valid and pretty much a natural reaction. It is something that you will have to address and heal on your own. It is good to hear that you have a supportive person in your life. It was abuse. It affected you greatly. That you wish to address it is a sign of resilience and strength, even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes. It would be ideal if the perpetrators took responsibility, but that's pretty rare, and for most of us, we have to heal without their 'help'. This is a safe place to talk about these things. Welcome.