Not Wanting To Be Around People

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Great thread. I really needed to read this today.

I just finished trying to convey to another friend on line about why I don't like people much and why I self-isolate, and I'm not sure if she gets it, but she works in the mental health field, and rape crisis so it's probably something she has heard plenty of times before, but she likes people so I don't think she ever could really understand.

The funny thing is I realized I prefered animals to people long before I was assaulted, though I suppose the emotional abuse was always there, so...

thanks to everyone here for their input, it really helped me. I've even had one lady I lived with who I think was traumatized but she distanced herself from me and was smoking weed a lot, and another 'friend', think of me as petty, and I'm sure she thought I had an easy life compared to hers (my other friend actually got real nasty at me at one stage as she was sure I had such an easy life, without even bothering to find out what was going on for me or what I was dealing with), but I was in so much pain at the time I could hardly bear it, and that pain has been with me for years. I did not realize a human being could carry around that much pain and still exist, especially being ongoing...so you never know who around you is suffering to the extent or worse than you are, though their lives may appear to be easy.
 
Hi Philippa,
You are so right about that.

I know I appear on the surface to be happy, confident and "normal", I even tried very hard for a long time to convince myself of that too! Since breaking down some of the defences and walls I can really expereience - with some shock - exactly what you mean by your comment "how a human being can be in so much pain and still function". ( I would add "and in confusion" to that) No wonder I had to dissociate to survive!
I have to confess that despite knowing that if I'm like that, perhaps other people are, I still think "everyone else" is ok/normal/better than me! Many of them are, I know that. Not everyone struggles with this rubbish.

That's what has been so nice about posting on this website, finding people who know what it feels like to be in so much pain, instead of trying to explain to friends who care, but can't relate or understand, and trying to keep up with people who aren't so "damaged".

There is another side, though, to realising that other people struggle. When I realise the people I'm dealing with have their own issues, confusions, projections and overreactions, it makes relating, for me, a bit of a minefield. Is it them or me? What dynamic is going on? How do you observe your own feelings when they could either be reacting to someone's issues appropriately , or, it could be you overreacting because of your own issues? Why am I
hooking into some people and they into me?
I am embroiled in this because my family were all dysfunctional, reality was ever-shifting and there was no sane or fair point of reference. Somehow i need to sift through all this and find out who I really am rather than still seeing myself reflected back through someone else's dysfunctional eyes. I feel like I need a bunch of certified "safe/wise/honest/decent" people to venture out with and get my confidence.................Good enough parents, I think they're called.
But a good therapist is a good place to start!

Hx
 
For me...sometimes it's not even about me and my personal hell...when I look at others and they're blissfully unaware of the kind of world we live in...Yes, everyone's got a story and on some level everyone's dealing with something (marriage issues; work; finances etc.)...And, as a society, we've been conditioned to pretend to be ok (to wear masks) because anyhtign less is a sign of weakness. Having said all that, I still have this (irrational?) contempt for people whom I precieve as ignorant. Example: Parents dressing thier kids in army fatigues (and similar)...It bugs me to no end that these people are not aware of the very real hell of children who are forced to kill and fight etc. while their little Baby Gap 'soldier' will only have to worry about whether to go into commerce or law (or whatever)...On some level I have ot belive these people are just ignorant (ie that it's not just my perception) because I don't understand how people can know about this kind of thing (or other politicl issues) an dhtink it doesn't affect them or whatever...I don't want to turn this into a huge post...(and I'm sur ehtere a re plenty of people who are aware wand who try and do in fact help etc...Ok I think I'm losing what I was trying to get across...Sigh. But yes...it can be very annoying.
 
All I know about people is that they hurt me when all I seem to be doing is standing there. I swear. I can try to be as polite, considerate, and caring as I possibly can, yet still some negative comment slings my way eventually. And I don't deserve it.
It happened just today. I'm lunging my horse in the arena with another lady in their and a pony with her kids. My horse is pretty obediant and the arena pretty large, but yes, she threw a little semi-fit at one point and dragged me a few feet towards the other end of the arena. No where near an accident What did I get? A snotty comment from the mother, like I did something intentional.

I don't even bother saying 'sorry' much anymore. I've said sorry so many times when I never intentionally did anything rude or hurtful and no one ever says it to me, so F* 'em. I say.
 
I know how you feel, you are definitely not alone. I like to avoid people at all costs, especially groups of people I do not know. I feel like I have no control over new environments so I avoid them. It has affected my work and personal life on many levels.
 
"You wouldn’t know it, from some of the things I’ve said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don’t like people for extended periods of time. I’m alright with them for a little while. But once you get up past a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the f*ck outta there.”
-George Carlin
 
I have the same problem. Sometimes I just don't want to be around people because they seem soo happy about their lives when my life doesn't make sense. I'm 25 years old, don't have any friends to hang out with. I only have pen pals because they don't know what I really look like day after day.

I too feel different. I am not interested in fashion one bit. I'm a bit embarrassed but I have only 3-4 outfits (Sadly) because i have a problem with clothes. Always have. I guess it's cause of insecurity. I have always been insecure about everything. And even more after the incident with my college roommate on 9-11-2007. I just feel like I don't care any more about anything and don't see the good in people any more. I used to see good in all people and like be blind to their short coming's... For example when Jon and Kate broke up, i thought Jon was just friend's with the females he was keeping company because my parents have friends of the opposite sex as well and are just good friends.

But now i just see the bad in everyone and don't trust any body. I just have an I don't care attitude 24/7. I am angry at my cousin because she's angry because her high school friends ditched her but she has other friends from college and stuff and I'm angry because she doesn't really know what it is to be friendless. So I am angry at her. She has a perfect life.
 
Oh dear. Don't get me started.

People scare me like not much else. They are so irrational and whatever you do, if they don't want you to reach them, you can talk until your lips turn blue, they won't hear you. They just won't hear you and they won't acknowledge the self-deprecating concessions you are willing to make, or give you the benefit of the doubt, or take you for anything but a nasty, self-righteous, arrogant b*tch because that's what they think and that's what their confirmation bias has proven to them.

It's like they turn into zombies who you can no longer communicate with. You can just run and hide and hope they won't find you.

And then there's those people who think you don't like them because you don't talk to them. They think that the world revolves around them and every action has directly or indirectly to do with them. You're in a bad mood? It's directed at them specifically. You withdraw? It's because of them specifically. You seem impatient? It's because you're not interested in them specifically. These people seem incapable of wrapping their brain around the fact that 1. other people can't just switch their bad mood off for them and 2. not every bit of every behaviour of everybody else is because of and directed at them personally.

It can really drive me crazy. This totally irrational mix of inferiority complex and self-aggrandisation.

And then there's stupidity. I won't go into detail here, but stupidity hurts me physically and I can't stand it.
 
"You wouldn’t know it, from some of the things I’ve said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don’t like people for extended periods of time. I’m alright with them for a little while. But once you get up past a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the f**k outta there.”
-George Carlin

My husband says this sounds like him.....except for the "liking people" part. (You can laugh - he said it with a smile on his face......)
 
I spend time with them once a week weather I think I need it or not. The rest of the time is for my dogs or myself. Im over 50-gotta be true to myself
 
That's what has been so nice about posting on this website, finding people who know what it feels like to be in so much pain, instead of trying to explain to friends who care, but can't relate or understand, and trying to keep up with people who aren't so "damaged".

Thanks Helliepig, I totally agree! I find the feedback from this site so uplifting because you guys help me to feel normal.

As for the thread... Man can I relate to this! I could have clicked like on almost every post, but held back lol. I used to be quite social, but now avoid people at all costs. I know that a person can change on a dime, whip out a gun and start threatening people because he/she''s caught up in his/her own little world and not thinking about the affect he/she will have on anyone. Most people only think about themselves and not about the consquences of what they do, or how they will affect someone else. And it's really sad and I know it sounds cynical, but that's my world.
 
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