Nothing much new

[abbynormal1929]

Hi everyone.

I don't know that I have much to say about my so-called relationship that I haven't before, I'm just lonely I guess. She was in a good mood and poured a little cold water on me as a "joke" and I apparently made some kind of face. Said she was feeling good and trying to share herself with me by making a joke, and I'm just making her feel like she can never be herself. Says it's just how her family is, that her brother and her used to put ice down each others shirts all the time. I said that being quiet, and having a more subdued sense of humor was part of who I was, and it somehow got turned around on me again. I can't even comment on, or like something my best friend says on facebook because she said something about our son looking chubby. I mean I can but, one time after a few drinks she said this particular friend didn't deserve the positive relationship she had, and deserved to be with her abusive x. She scoffs every time i go to my community chorus, or have contact with the director. She accuses me of wanting to run away with him, which I'm nit even into guys. She's more just angry that I might confide in anyone other than her. I want to leave. When she's in a bad mood she says "you hate me and want to leave me." I fall for it and reassure her, swearing I don't want to leave, and I love her. Now I'm just feeling hopeless. I feel good about my son, and, though stressful, I feel good about my job. I guess I did have more to say, but it's really just more of the same pattern. Thanks everyone here for the support you've given. Hopefully one of these times I'll have a post saying that I left.

 

[somerandomguy]

Here with you in support.

 

[Ronin]

Wanting to leave is healthy, Abby.

So is wanting to leave her, and the relation with her (she wrecked it.), but not the whole life you built with her behind, and your kids. Of course you feel conflicted when there are so many relations tangled in with hers. Does not mean you are having it wrong for feeling many things.

 

[abbynormal1929]

Aside from the anxiety I feel that make me want to re-assure her that I love her (when I don't really), the only thing that conflicts me now is my son. I can commute to my new job from wherever I go next. I'm literally surrounded by in-laws, downstairs, and next door on both sides. My closest family member lives an hour and fifteen minutes away, and my closest friend lives about 45 minutes away. I don't have any support right near by, aside from my therapist. My only attachment here is my 16 month old. I still feel like a bad guy when I think about leaving (which my wife loves to reinforce). When she makes me feel like a bad guy I literally want to scream, partly cause I still fall for it. A lot of the time she does this by texting me at work, or doing it right before I have to leave for work, at times when I can't really say anything back. It still messes with me mentally though. My anxiety levels go through the roof, and I can concentrate on work very well. Sorry if I'm rambling, or sounding tangential, or not completely coherent. I just got off work, and I'm quite tired. I also get anxious that if I leave now she, and everyone will think it's because of my stepdaughter, who is on the autism spectrum, and having significant problems with aggresion at the moment. Any way thanks for listening... I mean reading, but you know what I mean lol

 

[Ronin]

Not a bad guy, nowhere near.

One hella good guy, in a messed situation, with a bad gal.

Tangential is fine, IMO? Not hearing from you near enough. :)

 

[abbynormal1929]

After work when I get home around 11:30 or 12 it seems so obvious that I should leave her, like right now, just run for my life. I don't know what happens in my brain between now and morning. I got home tonight and she woke up just long enough to tell me that it's all her trying to re-trace the steps of our relationship and see what went wrong, and that I don't even care. It's always me that doesn't care, and has to change everything, to her I mean. At my therapist today I got done explaining to her how my wife is isolating me in various ways, how I can never win, how she goes through my fb conversation s and my email, and gives me the silent treatment if I'm confiding in anyone that isn't her, and how I stopped journaling cause she started going through my journals when she feels insecure, and so I don't journal anymore. It's not really subtle that my therapist thinks I should leave, and my previous therapist too. I don't disagree, it's just still seems like something that's just out of my reach. So im pretty much just late-night rambling now. I just wanted to thank everyone who has been supportive on this website. So thank you.

 

[mumstheword]

I totally get it and I feel for you. I stayed with my manipulative "cluster b" personality disordered ex for 20 years because of our shared children. My guess is that you'll stay as long as you possibly can, because you care deeply for the innocents in all this, your stepdaughter and son. We have a high needs autistic son too but all my sons are somewhat spectrumy. It adds another complicating factor in the whole sitch.
I stayed until my health was so compromised that I knew I couldn't stay another minute.
I'm the mum, I easily got primary care of our under 12's via family court but the older children were estranged from me for some years. It was very, very painful and scary.
And they were all my bio children.
So I get how complicated your situation is.
I hope you are being able to "lose yourself" in some activity or hobby or self care that replenishes you, alternately "find yourself" in personally enriching activities. I survived my relationship via my music practise but staying so long, nearly got the better of me.
Look after yourself, you are a good person and in a very, very difficult situation.

 

[Justmehere]

You are in a shitty situation, no doubt. :( Leaving is hard, and especially hard with a little one in the mix.

A lot of the time she does this by texting me at work, or doing it right before I have to leave for work, at times when I can't really say anything back. It still messes with me mentally though.

Is muting the texts an option? Then you don’t get the alerts, and you can check the texts on your own time. I have done thus.

how I can never win, how she goes through my fb conversation s and my email,

What is holding you back from blocking her and changing your passwords and getting a locked down journal that is password protected?

My heart goes out to you.