Now This Is Funny

[JarHed]

Sorry Angle

But I just always get a laugh from Chopper Reid. I usually don't play well with others. :ROFLMAO:

I'll make an exception for the people here of course. :rolleyes:

Jar

 

[Lee C]

They taught us in the Marines not to do that. :ROFLMAO:

I never have had any problems with my hands and have never used NIVEA ever, LOL;)

 

[Anglesachse]

I never have had any problems with my hands and have never used NIVEA ever, LOL;)

You want us to bottle some up for you Lee. Pretty sure the guys on here will help out. :sneaky:

 

[Lee C]

Good idea mate,i can put it into my Stage 3 trench i dug at the bottom of my garden, always need lube !

 

[Jimmy1]

Banks

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. ​

The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. ​

--------------------------------------------------------------------- ​

Dear Sir:​

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. ​

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. ​

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. ​

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.​

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.​

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.​

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.​

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. ​

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. ​

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.​

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.​

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.​

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.​

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. ​

Let me level the playing field even further. ​

When you call me, press buttons as follows: ​

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH​

#1. To make an appointment to see me​

#2. To query a missing payment.​

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.​

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.​

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.​

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.​

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.​

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier. ​

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through​

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. ​

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. ​

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. ​

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.​

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.​

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?​

Your Humble Client​

And remember: ​

Don't make old people mad. ​

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,​

 

[Lee C]

Best thing i have read in a long time. Hats off to her

 

[Wagon]

Awesome. There is so much more I'd like to say to my bank, but that covers 80%

 

[JarHed]

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Couple that with PTSD and you've got ME to deal with. :ROFLMAO:

Just made me laugh, thanks.

Jar

 

[JennyMac]

 

[Lee C]

 

[Lee C]

Before this is posted many grenades were loaded up by myself(You know who you are). Its a joke and is to be taken as so. HOWEVER, if this is how you look now smile FFS. Has to be an American vet !:oops:

 

[Wagon]

I think this is my new hero. Where can I get the T shirt. Who is he. I want to write a letter.