Nowhere To Go

[Rissy215]

My life is a mess. Last March a group decision was made amongst my medical doctors, my T, and myself, for me to stop working and focus on getting healthy, both mentally and physically (I have a slow-growing form of cancer and severe asthma in addition to PTSD/MDD/GAD).

They told me to apply for social security disability for a couple years and said it wouldn't be a problem. Well, 9 months later still no decision on my social security claim and my savings account has been bled dry. In June I gave up my own place and moved in with a friend I had worked with to save money but now she wants the space back and I'm stuck. I have no income to sign a lease anywhere, no idea when social security will come through, and nowhere to go. Everyone else I knew through work has left the area.

My parents are adamant I move home to my mom's but that's where my abuse and suicide attempt took place and I really really don't think it would be a good environment for me. It's also 2 hours away which means I'd have to switch to a new T even though we just started more intensive trauma-focused therapy. I have no health insurance right now but where I currently live I get pretty much free health care through an academic health system where I used to work.

If I move away EVERYTHING is out of pocket and my chemo alone is $6k/month. I've been looking for jobs again even though my doctors disagree with it but pretty much all I've seen listed in the area are jobs that involve heavy lifting and a lot of energy I physically don't have right now. I feel so lost and defeated. I just don't know what to do.

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

Hello Rissy215 and welcome to the forum!

Posting here is a great way to find support. It sounds like you are in a very difficult position and that must be frustrating and frightening.

Have you asked your T and/or doctors if they have any suggestions as to where you could go? Maybe some low-income housing (if there is any in your area)? A women's shelter?

I am sorry I don't have any words of wisdom for you. I do, however, want you to know that I am thinking positive thoughts for you and hope you find a great place to live.

 

[HelenB]

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time and though I also don't have any words of wisdom wanted to post a reply to offer that bit of support and really hope you do find the right place for you soon.

God bless
Helen

 

[Rissy215]

Thanks. Sorry for the woe is me post. I'm not having a good week an I haven't seen my T since I sent him a detailed trauma narrative and now I'm afraid to see him which isn't helping. I missed my session yesterday and cancelled tomorrow's. I just want to crawl in bed and never get back up :(

 

[Hashi]

That's shocking about social security taking so long. I don't know the system where you are. Can anyone help you get an outcome? Can you apply for any emergency payments while waiting?

The reasons to stay where you are sound compelling. I don't know how you would feel about this, but are there any charities or faith-based communities that could help you get temporary accommodation?

I can understand wanting to never get out of bed. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.

 

[Rissy215]

@ Hashi Social security can take over 2 years here, something I definitely did not know when I applied. If my claim is denied then I'll have to involve a lawyer and go to a hearing for it. My area has a rapid rehousing program that's supposed to help people transition and covers the first couple months of rent but I've called at least daily for 2 weeks and haven't gotten a call back so I don't know if they closed the program or what.

I showed up at my T's office when my session was supposed to be yesterday and he hadn't filled my spot so we talked for a while, well the first 30 minutes I couldn't make myself talk to him which I feel really bad about, but we took a break from trauma and we tried to kind of sort out my immediate problems and slow down my thinking enough to work through them.

He actually had a kind of unconventional suggestion that I go back to grad school for another degree. In the sciences, most grad programs cover tuition and health insurance and pay you a stipend for living expenses. That could make me more marketable later and solve a lot of my problems for now. I just don't know if I could handle the stress of full-time school and teaching again without shoving my past away and not dealing with it.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

My heart breaks for you, I'm so sorry you have to deal with all that.

I can sympathize in that I had to make the decision to move back to an abusive house where some pretty horrible things took place, my parents are divorced and both places were just as bad. It's kind of put me at a stand still, but I have been able to focus on my health.

If you need anything, don't hesitate to contact me!

Sending good thoughts your way!