Odd childish questions

[ILoveLife]

I've been meaning to ask this for quite some time, but felt embarrassed. Well, here it goes.. I'm asking because I really don't know the answers.

What's the difference between sexual attraction and falling in love?

Is the whole premise of falling in love a fallacy, is there only companionship and love is built?

What constitutes a healthy romantic relationship?

Thank you

 

[blackemerald1]

Whoa @Sietz - hold on a moment. :) They are some big, big questions. No need to be embarrassed about asking them. Not at all. I wish I had the answers too. Here goes...but I'm just guessing really. I don't think there is a definitive set of answers in reality.

difference between sexual attraction and falling in love

One is a biological thing to procreate to ensure the species and the other is simply not true. I don't think falling into anything is very good.:rolleyes:

only companionship and love is built?

Yes I am reasonably sure of this. :cautious:

healthy romantic relationship?

Respect, self-respect and a really good sense of humour. :)

:hug:

 

[ILoveLife]

One is a biological thing to procreate to ensure the species and the other is simply not true. I don't think falling into anything is very good

Ahah yeah, what I suspected... Damn you Disney

 

[somerandomguy]

Yes, as @blackemerald1 pointed out, these are big questions. I have a different viewpoint than her, however.

What's the difference between sexual attraction and falling in love?

Sexual attraction is part of falling in love. But you can certainly have sexual attraction without love.

Sexual attraction just means you want to have sex with a person. Falling in love means you want to be around that person all the time, to breathe the same air, to share everything. You think about them all the time. It's infatuation plus. You can't imagine being without them. You want to build a life with them.

Not everyone gets to feel this way about someone.

Is the whole premise of falling in love a fallacy, is there only companionship and love is built?

Not a fallacy! Falling in love is just the very first stage of building love and a relationship. In the best case scenario, the infatuation deepens into a wider understanding of that person, their place in your own life, and your place in their life.

What constitutes a healthy romantic relationship?

This one is the hardest question of all. Everyone will have a different answer.

My view is that there is an unshakable respect for your partner and a desire to share the good and the bad parts of your own life with them, and their life with you. There is a strong physical and emotional desire for that person.

 

[ILoveLife]

Not a fallacy!

Ah! Okay, cool. Black and white thinking for a while there. Thank you.

My view is that there is an unshakable respect for your partner and a desire to share the good and the bad parts of your own life with them, and their life with you

This is beautiful.

 

[zombycat]

These responses have been so good! I just want to add one little thing.

Sexual desire is based on self. My attraction to a person. My desire to get closer to that person. What I hope to get from being around that person (not necessarily sex). This is not a bad thing. It is natural for us to want for ourselves, and it takes time for someone else to become more important to us than self.

That's where love comes in. Love is outside of self. Wanting what is best for that person before your own needs. Thinking about what you can give to the relationship instead of what you can get out of it. When two people are in love it creates this beautiful symbionce where one person gives everything they have to the relationship, but they don't want for anything because the other person gives everything they have back.

Think of sexual desire or infatuation as the seed and love as the flower it grows into.

 

[Teasel]

Ingredients for a healthy relationship ~ respect, honesty, and wanting the best for each other? Think I've got plenty to learn on this one as I don't think I've ever had a healthy relationship. Look forward to see what everyone else thinks

 

[somerandomguy]

Those who have never seen it modeled as a child are unfortunately at a huge disadvantage. God knows my parents had their shortcomings, but at least they modeled what a strong marriage looks like to me.

 

[EveHarrington]

Falling in love is that infatuation stage. Being in love means you’re infatuated, but sometimes it overlaps with true love too. I honestly hate the concept of “in love” because it’s so generic yet everyone acts like it’s the end all and be all of emotions. (It’s not.) Just throwing in my two cents, from someone who has felt that “in love” feeling too many times to count, but is still in search of genuine love.

 

[ILoveLife]

from someone who has felt that “in love” feeling too many times to count, but is still in search of genuine love.

Exactly my idea.
I was thinking about that when I asked these questions. But I don't think what I felt for them was the love others are talking about here.

Sorry, but reply

 

[blackemerald1]

I don't think what I felt for them was the love others are talking about here.

See this is what I mean. I was guessing bc of my own experiences. I was/am hopeless in relationships.

I love a chick flick now and then but I don't believe in 'falling in love'. I think there is intense attraction - part biological & part psychological. Don't know what they are called though. :confused:

I am so really cynical bc we never get to see them bogged down in debt, nappies, sleepless nights, weight gain, problem relatives and everything else life can conjure up and throw at this seemingly 'endless loving' relationship. The fairy tale (and they lived happily ever after) - Sad but I haven't seen it.

Relationships are hard work and require commitment and respect and there is no falling into that. I guess the only aspect that might be accidental (ie falling bit) is the actual meeting and the rest is very much determined by physical and psychological factors.

I have parents that have stayed together. I'm fairly sure they are fed up to the back teeth of each a lot of the time. But they have moved on from the 'love' bit and I saw them start to rely on each other in the 'companion stage' - which is the nicest stage I have seen so far. If that is the reward for sticking around for the long haul it seems worth it.

But please leave the word love alone. It is so over-used and commercialised it has lost it's true meaning. Poets have raved about it. Songs are written about it. Actor's act about it. But I haven't seen it up close and personal. :banghead:

 

[ILoveLife]

I agree actually.
There was a romantization of love mid 18th century that still plagues us to this day. But it was a good chan:hilarious:ge I suppose.

Like eve said, the end emotion. I think self respect is the end emotion, may be that's loving ourselves? :)

Hopefully there isn't a battle of the romantics vs the cynics now