Of All The Dumb Triggers...what Do I Do?

[SimplyComplex]

I have what I could call the world dumbest trigger. I can't read in front of people. My kids, sure. But no one else...ever...at all. I will flash back to standing in front of my class in 2nd grade (or the billions of other times I had to do it) and start to shake and cry. At the least I will mess up all the words, dissociate and feel like an idiot.

But my daughter's class has this big thing, the mystery reader. Once or twice a week, a mystery person comes in and reads to the class. Its a huge deal to the kids and the teachers. My daughter is the only person who hasnt had someone come in. Her teacher is putting on the pressure. I have told her I was afraid of it but she says "Oh its so much fun! Lots of people are afraid but they all end up loving it". "The more afraid they were, the more oftent hey come back! People love it".

My worst fear is starting to cry in front of the kids. I have done things in the class...hosted a party, danced with the kids, played with them. I just don't feel like I can do this. I feel like if I flat out refuse that I will really alienate the teachers. And I have a very friendly relationship with the teacher. I want to be able to do it. But the thought is terrifying.

I am tempted to just email the teacher and say "I can't do it. I have PTSD from prolonged and severe childhood abuse and reading in front of people could cause a flashback"...but I dont want to freak her out.

What would you do?

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Sending an email to the teacher should definitely work. I do not think, however, that you need to share that much. Just explaining that you are uncomfortable with it should suffice. You are, after all, not the only parent of a child in the room.

 

[Ted Moen]

I have learned challenging "I can't do this" is key to learning to live well with PTSD. I would be a nervous wreck prior to doing it, but I would counter those feelings by planning the event and visualizing a positive outcome. Imagine how proud your daughter will be that you participated. Imagine some of the children are in the process of surviving abnormal environments themselves, or have a friend doing so (statistically very likely. What might you like to say to them, if anything. I might save that thought for a subsequent reading and start with something easy ;)

Ted

 

[melody]

I'm not sure I would call it the dumbest trigger, a lot of people have trouble getting up in front up other people and speaking (me included), so try not to beat yourself up. Does the "mystery" person hide behind something while they read, or do you mean "mystery" because the class has to guess who the author of the story is? If you are hiding behind something, it might not be so bad. But if not, I agree with DGN and would send an email. I'm sure the teacher won't let it affect your relationship, it's a valid fear and you show your interest by participating in everything else. :)

 

[Stormy Eagle]

Hi SimplyComplex,

As the single mother of a 13 year old daughter I totally understand what you are going through. I have had to live within my limitations, so have had to settle for being the "unique mom."

Could you perhaps bring some clay and let the kids each create a piece of the story you all tell together (or something equally corney)?

 

[sea]

I would email the teacher and tell her no. No need trying to please someone who won't respect your boundaries. You've said no before and she isn't listening, and she's pressuring. That is not a healthy behavior. You are allowed to say no to something you don't want to do. The kids will survive. You do other things and you contribute in other ways. :)

 

[NoNannas]

I agree with Meldoy. This is not a dumb trigger at all. I think it is a very valid one. I am an educator and have always been sensitive to asking students to read out loud in class. I always ask for volunteers or have them read all at the same time or other strategies.

I love reading out loud, and I love being in the classroom, but there are certain days or times when I would not want to do this either, for the same reason. You have to do what feels right for you---that is all.

Here is a list of some of my triggers that I have realized lately and many of them are super dumb to me....

• A messy living room
• Bad smells
• Any sudden, loud noise
• A spill of any type, but especially milk
• Strangers approaching me and asking for money
• Being too hot
• Not being able to hear/understand what someone says
• An unexpected change of plans
• Grocery shopping
• Eating anywhere other than my home by myself
• A driver tailgating me
• People wanting to hug me

There are a lot more, but these are all ones that have been recent.

Peace to you.
~Nana

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Not sure if you would be interested in this idea, so feel free to ignore it. I am a teacher of 25, 7 year olds and think that you could a add a bit of a twist to this activity and challenge the kids.

How about you record a narration of a picture story book. You could either just record your voice or take photos of the pictures and narrate and make it into a slide show. Kids love the use of technology these days as do many teachers. That way you wouldn't have to get up in front of the class, but you could still complete the activity, the kids will love the technology and novelty of it and your child will still be involved. You could even perhaps do a shared narration with your child. Your child could read the child lines with expression, which is another skill in itself. Or you guys could draw the illustrations together.

This way you could do it in your own time when you feel up to it.

Sorry if I have dribbled teacher jargon as I mentioned earlier feel free to ignore the nutty teacher.

 

[Srain]

I feel for you and being in your position. I have pushed myself before into a situation I just wasn't ready for so I believe it is a serious decision to make. I agree that we do need to expose ourselves and it sounds like you have been doing that with the classroom so that is fantastic. I like the idea Missingthesunshine had about recording the story.

I don't think there is anything "dumb" about it and you are wise to think this through carefully.

thinking of you,
peace,
Rain

 

[jostle]

Is there someone else in the family who could do it instead. We have a grandparents day at my kid's kindergarten but if you don't have an available grandparent (wasn't talking to my mother-in-law back then and my mom is out of town (thank god)) anyone else like a family friend or whoever can come along instead. Not sure if this would make the problem more obvious but it is a thought I guess. Then maybe you could fudge around that the other person was really keen to do it or something!

 

[Tinyflame]

I think an e-mail is valid, without personal details, as asserting yourself is ok, too. It's nice to be able to say 'No thank you".
And as Rain said- perhaps when you are ready.
And (however) it's also good to push yourself. I believe it would turn out fine.

Is there such a thing as a 'Mystery reader' who has the children take turns reading?
Or a book that brings you comfort- just read a sweet kid's one The Small Angel :)
Or a very short story the kids can talk about after.

Either way, it's not 'stupid' and neither are you. Sounds like it's the 'fall-out' you fear.

It may not be 'reading in front of others that's the specific trigger, but an experience/ treatment you were subjected to after for example that is a primary cause. I find (for myself) there is oftentimes a larger 'reason' but it's a very small detail that actually upsets me/ starts the whole ball rolling. Sometimes it's hard to isolate exactly 'what' the detail is.

What would make it easier?

P. S- Would you believe one of my most 'stupid' triggers is Oreo cookies .. and this from the 'Cookie Monster', no less (-!) :rolleyes:

And don't feel badly- I heard of a famous singer who felt so much that way she literally had to sing with her back to the crowd. But she still became famous.

xox

 

[shadowchaser]

Yeh I bring it up alot on here because I feel it's stupid myself. But I can't be around mall Santas or really anything with a beard. Ok from a distance but if they start talking to me or the whole sit on the lap routine and I'm straight into a blackout.