Off putting things your therapist does

[blackemerald1]

I have no idea why but this cracked me up.

^Me too. Sorry in advance if you are offended by my mirth. And I've no idea either. But I'll admit to it.

I incurred the wrath of a member in another thread a while ago (nothing to do with animals though) for cracking up about something my weird sense of humour was spiked with. Ah well... it takes all types.

Yesss!

 

[Sideways]

“Think of the antelopes” is now a running joke between me and my sister whenever one of us is any kind of unstable. I think laughing at this stuff is a really healthy response:)

 

[Skywatcher]

Sometimes my T has this homemade highly nutritional thick green grainy drink in a clear glass with plastic wrap on it sitting on her desk. I really want to see her drink some of it, just once.

 

[Scarlet13]

“Think of the antelopes” is now a running joke between me and my sister whenever one of us is any kind of unstable. I think laughing at this stuff is a really healthy response:)

I wonder why antelopes?
Did this T live near them or something?

 

[Muttly]

(The antelope thing also cracked me up)

I have a friend and that is her tic, to twirl her hair and smell it. As others have said, it's a huge leap to go from this to the idea you are boring her. And because of that, it's worth bring up in therapy if you can. Not because it's petty and you are challenging her on a behavior but because the conversation about why it brought up those thoughts will be really worthwhile.

 

[Scarlet13]

(The antelope thing also cracked me up)

I have a friend and that is her tic, to twirl her hair and smell it. As others have said, it's a huge leap to go from this to the idea you are boring her. And because of that, it's worth bring up in therapy if you can. Not because it's petty and you are challenging her on a behavior but because the conversation about why it brought up those thoughts will be really worthwhile.

I agree, that it's a cognitive distortion for me, but she seemed distracted and that is hard for me and triggering.

I guess Ts just get distracted sometimes.

 

[Sideways]

I guess Ts just get distracted sometimes

Yeah, if you’re with a T long enough, it’s inevitable that at some point you’re going to experience them having a lousy day, and not performing to their usual standard.

This is good stuff though, maybe. Because you’ve identified a cognitive distortion at work here. You’ve applied human empathy to a situation that set off your “should I run?” alarm, so now you have a tonne of insight into what’s going on, and what you want to do from here.

Because there’s lots of options.

You could tell your T that when she twiddles her hair, you feel like you’re boring her, so could she please not twiddle her hair during appointments (assertive communication and boundary setting).

You could decide that it’s reasonable that she has this hair twiddling thing she does, notice when it’s got you feeling like “I’m boring her”, and decide that’s probably not the case (rock solid CBT work).

You could decide this has freaked you out too much, and you need a new T (identifying needs v’s stressors, and taking action to meet your own needs).

You could ask her about it? Did she realise she was doing it? Why does she do it? Is she aware that you had the emotional response you did? And why did your brain interpret the situation as “I must be boring”? (Relationship building and core beliefs analysis).

Or you could just choose to ignore it (distress tolerance gold - this scenario provoked an uncomfortable feeling, but choosing to not let that emotional response determine your own behaviour/reaction).

Lots of options, but having explored it? Just about every option you choose from this point is can be a growth opportunity for you. That’s a pretty cool outcome!

 

[LuckiLee]

J had a PTSD group T who giggled at everything. He went through hell to get another one. He's doing one on one with "giggle kid's" ( that's what they nicknamed her ? yes I'm giggling) superior.

The first time I met her I knew it would be a problem. She pissed me off so bad but I bit my tongue. J dealt it like it should have been dealt with prior. He no longer has to communicate with her. She has no clue about combat or veterans. She is from the private sector and has NO business working with combat veterans. She caused so much more anxiety and stress. I can't believe they will let her stay in such an important position.

As for the hair twirling... I've been doing that since I was a child. I do it all the time. It's never directed at a person but a situation. Like when I'm reading, concentrating, learning, relaxing etc. A few of my cousins do it too.

 

[Scarlet13]

You could tell your T that when she twiddles her hair, you feel like you’re boring her, so could she please not twiddle her hair during appointments (assertive communication and boundary setting).

Ok, so I hate turning into the high maintenance patient.
I have done this before when she had been gently chewing gum.
Or when she was checking her phone, her phone was buzzing and she had to keep it on because it's what she uses to get patients into the waiting room.
She is a good T, sometimes amazing.
I just dont know where to put my standard.
Are these things ok?
Would they be acceptable to a non PTSD person? I ask because I struggle with perfectionism that stems from trust issues.
Can I trust her when she isn't totally focused on me? What do these actions mean? They might not mean anything and are her just being human.
It is hard to know what I am doing.
I could easily terminate a fabulous therapeutic relationship thinking I am being savvy and smart in terms of my healthcare.
I could do the opposite and stay with a mediocre therapist. I dont know if she is mediocre or fabulous or just has mediocre days or moments.
I am seeing her on Tues, so will likely bring this up.

 

[Scarlet13]

Also, she had actually smelled her hair whist playing with it, which was kind of an additional odd element to witness.
In the past when I have brought up bothersome things before, she typically remarks, " Wow, you are really good at observation. That is who you are, always vigilant and noticing."
She goes on to say that she sees this trait a lot in trauma patients.
I had to be observant so I did not die growing up. My mother sat me down and gave me instructions on how to not "set my step father off"
So, that is a problem for me, but also in a way, it sort of feels invalidating just a bit, because it is my normal everyday just like every one else side that notices and is attuned to her quirks.
You are "on the spot" talking about your deepest crap and oh also paying for it.
So yeah, I'm gonna notice and be distracted.
This doesn't always come down to my PTSD ness.

 

[Sideways]

Can I trust her when she isn't totally focused on me?

Maybe this is waaaaay off, but given the other issues that you’ve raised in the past, could this statement perhaps be re-written as:
“Can I trust her when I don’t have complete control, and when things can be unpredictable...”.

That skill kept you safe growing up. Is it still necessary or helpful in this situation, where this T is ‘fabulous’, and her twirling & smelling her hair doesn’t necessarily have any impact whatsoever on her ability to do her job?