Oh No . . . Feelings For My Therapist

[Jade-]

This morning I got a phone call saying my session was canceled today due to my therapist having a family emergency. I was actually glad because I had overslept and was thinking about not going anyway.

But what surprised/upset me was the concern I felt for my T. I actually almost shed a tear for him. And then I started thinking OMG, I actually care about this person.

Now I am having anxiety, almost to the point of panic over it. I do not want to care about him, I mean, WTF, he's my therapist and that's it. He's not my friend, or a parent, or anything else, he's someone I am paying to listen to me ramble.

I don't know why this is freaking me out so much. I do happen to care about people, I'm not devoid of all feelings. I know it's ok to have concern for someone....or care about them....

I just never expected this. And now it makes me want to run the other way. It makes me feel scared to go see him anymore. It makes me feel ashamed for some reason. Like something is wrong with me. It makes me feel a little vulnerable. I'm scared that since 'feelings' are in the mix that it will all go down hill from here. I'm scared that something will go wrong, that I will be hurt, that I will be abused, that I will regret ever going there in the first place.

Could it be because nearly everyone I have cared about my whole life has screwed me over, walked all over me and treated me like shit?

I'm not the type to let anyone get past my hard outer shell. What is happening to me?

 

[becvan]

What is happening to you is that your making strides and getting better. Jadebear, this can be good. Yes you are probably freaked out due to past experiences. I love my therapist. Out right love that woman. When I first realized it, it scared the crap out of me too. However how could I not love her? She is considerate, caring, compassionate, trustworthy etc. We actually build healthy relationships with our therapists. It's part of therapy for us, learning to trust and have a healthy boundary relationship. Every single time she got sick, I always left her a message wishing her a speedy recovery and I meant it.

As long as your feelings are not crossing boundaries (wanting to have coffee or social visits outside of therapy, romantic inclinations etc.) what you are feeling is normal. My suggestion is to talk to your T about it. You willl be suprised at how normal it is and how much progress it actually shows that you've made.

Do not be ashamed. :)

bec

 

[KP the nut]

(((HUGS JB)))

I think it is natural that you have feelings about your T. I do for mine. Not in a sexual way. I'm sorry I'm hopeless with thoughts into words today.

This is a person to whom we tell our innermost thoughts. My T has told me a little about himself. My T knows my mood, when an image has affected me, when to push and when to back away. I think it has just crept up on you.

I'm scared that something will go wrong, that I will be hurt, that I will be abused, that I will regret ever going there in the first place
Could it be because nearly everyone I have cared about my whole life has screwed me over, walked all over me and treated me like shit?.

Of course you are scared, you have been screwed over so many times in the past. BUT try and believe that this is different. Look back on how much you have achieved together.

Take care
KP

 

[Heather]

Hi Jadebear - I went through the same thing with my therapist last summer. I was having such a hard time. I wasn't sleeping, eating, having nightmares, flash backs etc. I was seeing him 2 -3x's a week and calling him on the days that I wasn't seeing him. You can't work that close with someone and NOT develop feelings for them.

After things calmed down. I couldn't handle the way I felt towards him and I kinda freaked out and pushed him away. I was NOT nice to him for about 4 months. When I finally got a grip and we talked about I apologized for treating him so badly. My therapist has a very dry sense of humor and said he didn't notice how mean I was being

.

It was very, very hard for me to open up to him and tell him that you can't go through something like that and NOT feel closer to someone. I felt all weird and "icky" inside for lack of a better way of describing it. But I'm glad I told him even more so that we quickly moved on to a different subject.

Take care. Heather

 

[Jade-]

Thanks bec ,KP and Heather.

I'm just still shocked though. I have been seeing him for quite awhile, I have never 'cared' about him before now, so it caught me off guard.

I could never, ever tell him about it. To me, letting him know I care is the same as telling him he now has control over me. IDK why I feel/think that way.

 

[Heather]

I'm not sure I understand how telling someone how you feel is the same as surrending control?

I don't think the two are the same. What would be the worst thing that would happen if you did tell him? Why not take a risk? Just a thought.

 

[BloomInWinter]

UGH. This thread is right where I am. My T. said he was going to be gone for a few weeks and I actually felt a tiny 'ping' in my chest. WTF?

At my last single appointment, when I was getting ready to leave, he fired off with a 'I can HELP you!' at me...and it actually stuck in my brain a bit.

Because ultimately, I doubt I'm able to be helped. But it's nice he thinks I am. I'm sure if anyone can, he can. Just...doubt it's possible.

 

[becvan]

Ah I understand it. It's a vulnerablity actually. When you care about someone, they have the ability to use that care to hurt you. When you have already experienced that abuse of your feelings, it's really hard to let anyone see or know about it afterwards. It takes a lot of trust to be able to do that.

Hmm how about a baby step then since telling him you care outright is too much. How about saying to him next time you see him... I hope everything is all right at home and you are well? Something along the lines of asking after his well-being? That way you are acknowledging he is human and could be unwell and that you hope he is not.

bec

 

[Jade-]

When you care about someone, they have the ability to use that care to hurt you.

Exactly!!!

So now it makes me not want to go back to see him anymore. I feel like I'm just going to set myself up for disappointment and hurt if I do.

 

[KP the nut]

. How about saying to him next time you see him... I hope everything is all right at home and you are well? Something along the lines of asking after his well-being? That way you are acknowledging he is human and could be unwell and that you hope he is not.
bec

I had a T appt cancelled a few weeks ago at short notice as my T was unwell. It had a major impact on me, but at the next session I did enquire if he were better and that I hoped it wasn't to serious. Just to show a bit of human compassion, no gushiness.

 

[KP the nut]

Ah I understand it. It's a vulnerablity actually. When you care about someone, they have the ability to use that care to hurt you.

So now it makes me not want to go back to see him anymore. I feel like I'm just going to set myself up for disappointment and hurt if I do.

Or they can use that care to help you. Please don't give in to the dark side. He has helped you and because of that you can feel.

 

[Jade-]

Maybe it wouldn't hurt me to show a tad bit of compassion. He definitely has for me. But just thinking about it makes me not able to breathe.

I know he's human....but I guess I don't want him to be because I know where that has always lead in the past.

Maybe though, if I can allow him to be human, and allow myself to 'care' instead of running from it, it will help in the long run......?

Why does caring have to be so complicated anyway?