Oh Well..

[wicked child]

Abused by females?

Yes. It was physical, emotional, psychotically and mental abuse. With beatings with tools, and I have an older sister who revelled in it. I remember being dragged before her for another flogging. My crime appears to be being there, filling a cup of water.

I have since recovered a memory of the bitch threading to cut my penis off. I was about 5 at the time.

On another occasion “she” arranged for me to see my pet guinea pig being torn to pieces before my eyes.

I am 57 . I have never married, I have not even lived with a woman. I have had a few girl friends bit it never lasts. As soon as they play the mind games, I become angry and the relationship ends.

I have NEVER hit a woman. That is cowardly.

I do not have physical problems with sex, and can function. My problem seems to be emotional, with abandonment / trusts issues with mind games as a aggravating issue.

That Ben Fry article in the Daily Mail was brought this up again. So I have seem my new doctor who tells me I must stop drinking to get help. I am down to 2 pints of beer a day, soon it will be 1, then none. Then she says I can see a trick cyclist.

I am going all out for this, I know that this is what is wrong with me. And I’d like come therapy.

 

[wicked child]

Hi WC,
I didn't take the comment above as demeaning women. I heard it as a generalized statement which said: a woman's tears are generally more commonly acceptable more so than tears shed by a man. Therefore, men prefer not to cry freely, especially in front of other people, particularly other men.

That was exactly what I meant. I have had a stroke to add to my own problems. I used to enjoy writing, but now it is a burden to me. I can’t spell anything and I have trouble with comprehension.

I understand that some of our ladies are probably rape victims. I can understand the hostility of some women aimed at some men. It is OK. I am trying to understand.

However, by not stating the purpose in your original post, I "heard" an assumption that others were to figure it out for themselves, as well as the clearly written assumption, (i.e. "I thought you knew that"). I "heard" and unnecessary sarcasm, (i.e. "That would be marvellous of you" etc. in following posts.

“Marvellous of you” yes sarcasm. Please go away………..before I write something I would rather not for both our sakes.

I "heard" that you're despondent from the title of your post, and perhaps you're in pain and very frustrated. Did I get that right?

Yes

When clear communication is lacking, it's easy to misunderstand what someone else is trying to convey. And I so desperately want love and understanding that sometimes I forget clear communication is the key, especially when I need help and I'm hurting.

Yes, I have had a stroke. I cannot be elegant in my writing.

I'm sorry you received the unfavourable news, and that I can't provide any insight as to navigating systems in the UK since I'm not a resident.

That’s OK Dmerish.

P.S. "Waking the Tiger" and "Monkey Mind" are the next two books on my list.

I have bought Waking the Tiger and am enjoying this book. Monkey Mind sound great too. Thanks.

I didn't take the comment above as demeaning women. I heard it as a generalized statement that that said: a woman's tears are generally more commonly acceptable more so than tears shed by a man. Therefore, men prefer not to cry freely, especially in front of other people, particularly other men.

Yes. This is what I meant.

So, okay - I've criticized your writing. You can consider what I've written or tell me to f_off. Either/both are your prerogative.

Clear communication is the fabric that holds humanity together.

I only wish to be understood. Peace little Sister. xxxx

 

[DMerish]

:oops: Ha - I didn't mean to duplicate what I had already written or even leave that last little piece in my post :-o

Anyhoo, wow, "coming back" after having a stroke is tough. While tending to an extremely stressful situation two years ago, a very good friend of mine had a massive stroke. It was as if the electrical circuitry in her brain got overloaded and shut down. My elderly uncle had a couple of smaller strokes this past spring. Both of them have needed to work really hard at helping themselves to "put things right again. My friend is "back" now, living on her own . . . uncle-well, we're not too sure with him because of advanced age.

Everything you're going through has got to be very tough. It sounds like you're taking steps to make some things better; I'm unfamiliar with the term "trick cyclist" - would you mind explaining that?

Drew-

 

[dnp]

WC,

I'm so sorry for what you have been through at the hands of a truly cruel and evil person. You should not be ashamed for crying because you feel something for that defenseless child whose goodness and innocence was torn to shreds. You should be proud of yourself for maintaining your humanity even through all of that. Some people who have been through such abuse lose their humanity completely, but not you.

You might consider starting a diary (to do cognitive behavioral therapy on your own) in order to unload your memories and process them one by one. Eventually each memory hurts less and less instead of being an unstoppable and crushing wave of bundled up trauma.

A couple places I found online, though I have no personal experience with them:

First Psychology Centre - Borders, Glasgow, Edinburgh - 55 pounds
Cumbria Therapies - Carlisle - Counselling starts at 30 pounds, CBT starts at 60 pounds

You might just call around your area and see what you can get in that price range.

 

[wicked child]

I'm unfamiliar with the term "trick cyclist" - would you mind explaining that?

Drew-

The poor old guys returning from the Great War shattered, referred to psychiatrists as “trick cyclists”

 

[wicked child]

Some people who have been through such abuse lose their humanity completely, but not you.

I am aware that I need to challenge what my brain perceives as normal. Women as a group are not all
Evil witches serving Satan ! Yes some are, but the majority are nice people. I remind myself of this every day. I do this to guard against building this nonsense into my mindscape.

You might consider starting a diary (to do cognitive behavioral therapy on your own) in order to unload your memories and process them one by one. Eventually each memory hurts less and less instead of being an unstoppable and crushing wave of bundled up trauma.

I have already been doing this for years. I record all my dreams. I think I have sorted them into categories. I think I understand most of them. But your idea of a diary is also good

Cumbria Therapies - Carlisle - Counselling starts at 30 pounds, CBT starts at 60 pounds

This is useful. It could get help in Manchester, not sure about the cost. Then , there is Chorley. Centre for the North West England. It’s early days yet

 

[cherryblossom]

I met the most amazing therapist through a charity. She is amazing. It's definitely worth looking into.