On Being Labeled As "sensitive"

[Kintsugi]

I'm bouncing off of another thread on this, because someone mentioned this and I have been thinking about it A LOT lately.

I thought about creating a poll but I really think this is a relationship issue that deserves discussion to those who identify with this.

I think childhood trauma sufferers might identify with this most, because for me, this phenomenon has been present literally since before I can remember.

Everyone accuses me of being too sensitive, tells me to grow thicker skin, toughen up, etc. Right now it's affecting my work life, because I just want to be like, "I'm not sensitive. I have an exaggerated fear response to perceived interpersonal turmoil because I have f*cking PTSD. What exactly have YOU survived that gave you such tough shit thick skin?" (Sorry, my mouth is foul today, foul and honest.)

I don't understand why I have always been told that either I'm sensitive or that I "take things too far" (that's my significant other's way of putting it). I really don't think I am sensitive! I frankly think I'm pretty tough. I endure and have endured a lot. I cope with a lot. I've lived through a lot in a short life.

Do you feel people unfairly label you as sensitive and that this is related to suffering from PTSD? I used to think it was just me, who I am, until I saw this post in another thread talking about the same exact thing.

I don't know how to correct people, or how to tell them to get off of my back about it. It seems supremely unfair to say I'm being too sensitive. I mean, people could just stop being dicks, you know? Why is it that I am the one who has to change my response? If I upset someone, whether I think what I've done should upset them or not, I feel badly about it, and I seek to amend it.

Why do people think it's okay to label you as sensitive instead of examining their own behavior? Do we really present as being so sensitive? I'm not talking about publicly having a panic attack, or a meltdown, or anything approaching some kind of full blown demonstration of symptoms. I'm talking about every day normal interacting with people, and all of the sudden you are called out for being "sensitive." What the hell, guys? Anyone else? This has been the case in my life for.ev.er. I'm really just sick of this label and don't understand.

My god. I am just in a ranting mood.

 

[Chava]

I've been called too sensitive. But it's not unfair because I am relatively very sensitive. I just keep a wall up between myself and those who can't handle my sensitivity. I don't think it's a bad thing, being very sensitive can be good too. I try to channel the excess energy into artwork, photography, etc. I can also appreciate things that others don't even notice or give a damn about, so I like how it can make my life richer, too. I just have to cut down on external stimuli and I don't tolerate constant sarcasm or really unpredictable people very well.

That all being said, yes, plenty of people will call others "too sensitive" when they don't in fact want to take responsibility for their own behavior or inability to be sensitive or empathetic themselves. Just calling someone "too sensitive" is a cheap, easy way out in my opinion. But yes, I'm pretty sensitive, no lie.

 

[Justmehere]

I get labeled sensitive a lot. I am. I don't always see it as the bad thing others see it to be. If danger comes, I will be the first to react and stay safe!

I think sometimes people are too calloused!

And even when my sensitivity isn't helpful, I wish people didn't give much hell about it too. But there I go again, being too sensitive... sigh.

 

[scout86]

Good topic!

I had never heard of this before, but my T says there actually IS a such thing as "exceptionally sensitive people". I think those are the wrong words, but close. I looked it up after he mentioned it. It's a "thing". Not exactly an official diagnosis, but it seems to be a popular idea and topic of conversation in the field of psychology. He brought it up because he was wondering if I might fit that category. I don't actually think so, but he mentioned it.

But, I can remember being told that I was "too sensitive." Usually by someone who had done something mean and decided that blaming me was better that acknowledging that they'd been mean and apologizing.

From working with horses, I can say that some of them are much more sensitive than others. Not every rider can ride a truly sensitive horse. But, the horses who excel in the many of the more demanding competitive events tend to be sensitive. I suppose people are the same way. Quicker to react, more observant. etc. But also not everyone's cup of tea.

 

[Nam]

It's more complicated than most people put it. I do believe that for some of us, we are sensitive. It's what makes us be able to be bright, intelligent, and intuitive. It's also why those same people are more likely to have PTSD than someone else. Especially if love is also intertwined with the abuse.

Sensitive as in a personality trait is very different than being hypervigilant. Hypervigilant is a stress reaction to a stressor. Jumping and being agitated while in a heightened state. Sensitive as in taking things personally or being sympathetic is very different. Having PTSD can make us scared with can turn to irritability and even anger. That is also not "sensitivity".

People are always trying to categorize other people into little boxes they understand. We are not going to fit because we have been altered by trauma. We react differently, we have more complicated feelings, and see the worst possible outcomes more than others. Because we have endured what others cannot possibly fathom, it makes us different. So we are dumped into the "sensitive" box. No worries. You don't belong there. We are all here because we have survived something pretty damn horrible.

 

[Lionheart]

My take on being sensitive may be a bit confusing for some folks.

I once asked a psychiatrist why I was so 'sensitive' that I often "knew" things before they would actually happen and he said, "We don't know why some people are more sensitive than others."

That sounded like it had a ring of truth to it and so I see myself as a "Sensitive," (read psychic), because I sense subtle changes more readily.

I am also empathic, (sensitive), to the point of picking up on others feelings. For example , if someone is saying one thing but feeling another, I will most often "know" and respond accordingly. It is all because I am 'sensitive' to my environment and to other people.

Sensitive is not a derogatory term in my book. It simply means that I am wired differently than some other people are. I choose to define sensitive as being a ability of the mind and not necessarily a weakness...especially not a weakness of character!!!

 

[Friday]

This is honestly one of my biggest fears.

On another forum someone mentioned it had gotten all touchy feely, and I kinda died inside. f*ck. Probably my fault. Letting my broken show too much. Time to step back. Check.

I don't know WTF I am. People tell me I don't have to be so damn hard all the time. People tell me I have the patience of a saint. When my spine is made of jell-o and I need to HTFU, and I have the patience of a gnat.

People tell me I'm too sensitive, and need to grow a pair, and step up. When it's taking every single last shred of my self control just to hang on. Or to not step up. Because if I do I am gonna be reaching out and touching someone.

I take people to heart too much, and I lose my goddamn mind. T' hell with em. People can bite me. Now if only I didn't need them so much. Shrug. 6 of 1, half a dozen of another. Suspect the trick is which people we listen to, and take to heart... and which people can suck it.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I've been called sensitive, often by people who used the term pejoratively against me with an intent to undermine and disempower me to others. I have been called sensitive for reacting normally to a number of overwhelming stresses, again as a way of keeping me in my place by people who meant to cause me further harm.

I've been called sensitive by well meaning others due to being naturally quiet and also because I am empathetic with others and have reacted defensively or taken these as insults and later realise my mistake. By standard definitions of sensitive, I would agree that I am by all accounts a sensitive person, I needn't react negatively, but I do because I struggle to separate the meanings.

 

[Em C.]

I tend to associate being called sensitive with the individuals who gave me ptsd.

However, there is more than one way in which I'm "sensitive" :p I am clinically hyper-sensitive to illness/medication etc (while somehow having high pain tolerance which is very confusing). It means that any illness I get I will feel about ten-fold over everyone else and have way more symptoms. So, yes I am sensitive but I try not to think of myself as sensitive when it comes to being upset or whatever because I know I'm being me and reacting as I feel I should

 

[Eagle3]

I know for a fact that I am one of those "highly sensitive" persons. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but getting less sensitive people to understand that is a PITA. Because of my sensitivity I am highly tuned to others' energies and can detect trouble before it happens. I am also very good at tailoring my teaching approach to different students based on the vibe I get from them. I recognize that I am sensitive and have learned to work with it instead of trying to constantly fight against my intuition. Now if I could just get other people to recognize my potential and learn to work within my sensitive guidelines, we'd all get along just peachy! Also, I have learned to be thicker-skinned at times, to know when to let things slide and when to stand up and tell folks where to stick it.

While its true I wouldn't have PTSD right now if I weren't so sensitive, my personality has a purpose and I wouldn't trade that for the world. Dr. Elaine Aron's book "The Highly Sensitive Person" is a must-read in my opinion. Sure helped me come to terms with myself. I realized that in order to realize my full potential I needed to embrace my sensitivity, learn to feed it and work within its boundaries, listen to myself, and live my life the way I need to. The people who can't understand me will either have to learn to deal with it, or just get out of my way. I am who I am, and no one has any right to tell me to "toughen up". I'm tough in my own way and do not need to live up to any one elses' expectations as far as my personality is concerned.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I just tell people "ok, go find someone who's less sensitive" and I walk away as I'm obviously not what they're looking for. They find it a bit shocking but I'm not changing who I am for anyone. And in this case, I actually can't. It is what it is.

 

[Blue Survivor]

Oh @Simply Simon do I soooo understand what you are talking about! The daily struggles!

Today I was standing outside with my SO just goofing around. We were playfully shoulder-checking each other, just one of those silly moods you get into at times. Anyhow somehow the subject of loud noises came up (traffic, dogs barking) and then right before we went back inside -BOOM!- he kicks our garbage can and then says 'That was loud!'. It scared the bejesus out of me! I told him that "You can't make sudden loud noises like that around me babe, I am nervous as it is and that scares the crap out of me." And he accused me of being no fun at all. I mean he could have started it off with 'This is loud' and then kicked the can - at least I would have anticipating some loud noise coming after the statement.

Unfortunately people such as coworkers - they don't understand. And if you feel like you have to (or should try to) explain that you have PTSD, well that doesn't really help matters. No one likes revisiting that trauma, because it is inevitable that the person will ask why/how you got it. And sadly, sometimes even our SO or family does not 'get' it. Had my SO done research to try to understand it, he would never intentionally make a startling noise. But instead he calls me no fun, and rolls his eyes at me...