Relationship On Going Support For Partners With Someone Who Has Ptsd

[VeraEllen]

I need to talk and share with others who have a partner with PTSD. Trying to talk to family or friends...

How are we all doing? It's a new year and all my friends are making their Resolutions. I just want to get through very challenging winter. I have been in a relationship for over 3 years now but just moved in together with my fiance. He has PTSD and it was in our relationship from the beginning. I stumbled through the past 3 years not knowing anything about it. My father must have had it and I suffered all kinds of abuse at home because of it. I swore I would never be subjected to that kind of abuse again when I left home. I had been married twice before I met my fiance. I had a hard time trusting men I guess. My fiance was such a supportive friend when i met him and after over a year of friendship i opened my heart to him. He still is the sweetest man i ever met. But now that we are living together its very challenging. I thought i understood PTSD but now its like i am getting a crash course in it. Its challenging for me because I just am not thick skinned and become anxious and insecure easily. So I hope to hear from others about how they can live with PTSD.

 

[catlover26]

How are we all doing? It's a new year and all my friends are making their Resolutions. I just want to...

You will get a lot of support and wisdom on how to deal best with you fiance on this forum. I knew my Vet had ptsd but I couldn't understand at all some of his behavior. So many frequent highs and lows. I am so glad I found this sight where many have helped to make sense of his behavior and helped me to have some better 'tools' to be able to communicate and deal with him when he is at a low spot.

I too am very insecure in any relationship having gone through a divorce 2 years ago and had a few close friends that 'left' me for one reason or another. So I can really understand those feelings and how much it takes to trust someone again.

It takes a lot of patience and post anytime on here your questions and concerns. There are so many wise and caring ones on here!!

I am close to your age. I'm 56. So when you get this age there has been so much water under the bridge that it gets crappy and really dirty at times doesn't it. I just have to try to remind myself of the good times and try to keep myself from focusing on the negative which is hard for me to do sometimes.

 

[Chelle]

Wow @VeraEllen and @catlover26 you both are amazing people. I appreciate your honesty and making me feel not so alone. I'm only 31 and I seem to be going through a similar period of insecurity after not having talked to my vet since the day before Christmas Eve. Though I know this is common during the holidays, it doesn't seem to soothe your worries and doubts does it?

Practicing real patience and trying to give space seems to be easier said than done. We don't live together so it seems easier for my vet to give radio silence. I hope to hear from him soon because I just want to make sure he's at least okay physically (I feel like tracking him down would be a violation of privacy).

Anyway, I really applaud you both. Have you found that it gets easier for you the longer you're in the relationship and/or if you stay together? Are you also going through trial and error of different things to show your support?

You're both in my thoughts not only for the low periods but the highs as well. Hope you're having a nice new year so far!

 

[catlover26]

Wow @VeraEllen and @catlover26 you both are amazing people. I appr...

I think overall it does get somewhat easier. But I started going to Al Anon in September because he is also an Alcoholic so what I have learned there has been invaluable in dealing with him and learning not to react at things he will say. But I still get so frustrated and will ask him something that seems to upset him. He can't handle any conflict.

But all in all things have been pretty peaceful since the end of Summer. The holidays got us both tired and stressed out. Not a happy time for either one of us.

I think for him he is so insecure me just being there and coming back over to see him after we have had a rough time shows that I am committed and support him. Also the consistency of listening to him and regularly going over to see him. My apartment is small so I go over there. Right now he doesn't have anybody in his life that will stick by him. Some people like his family won't get over the fact that his drinking days are over.

I used to do this more in the first of our relationship but I would write him notes. It seems his attention span is not that great at times and sometimes I can't always get my thoughts organized. So if I need to explain something or tell him other things like how much he means to me I have written him a letter. He has really loved those.

I wish you the best in your relationship and a very Happy New Year! Hang in there!

 

[Fickleme]

After a particularly long day this has been a comforting thread to read. I keep wanting to turn to friends and family for support or someone to talk to, but as we all know they don't all seem to get it. I am so appreciative for this site and being able to read other people's personal experiences. Thank you to everybody for sharing!

 

[caligirl03]

I think the most frustrating thing is when your sufferer is fully aware they have diagnosed PTSD yet prefer to remain where they are and not get any treatment for it at all for whatever litany of excuses they try to lob your way. I hope you are all in relationships where your sufferer can at least acknowledge they have this condition and are taking the necessary steps to learn to manage it. If they decide to leave it untreated, hang on for the wildest ride of your life...

 

[catlover26]

I think the most frustrating thing is when your sufferer is fully aware they have diagnosed PTSD yet...

Yeah, my Vet was in Vietnam and I'm not sure he received any kind of treatment for it besides being on anti-depressants and something else but nothing really strong. He acknowledges he has it but talks to me more about what bothers him because he doesn't trust the counselor and psychiatrist at the VA. I think and pray guys these days are getting better treatment for it and results.

In some ways he manages it. But I think he
does it more by isolating himself to keep himself out of uncontrollable and stressful situations.

 

[catlover26]

After a particularly long day this has been a comforting thread to read. I keep wanting to turn to frie...

I know what you mean. I had a rough few nights with my Vet recently and coming on here has been such a blessing when I have felt so awful. You feel like you are trying so hard and then you do or say something when they don't feel good and he blows it way out of proportion. Really hard to know what to say or do sometimes.

 

[Fickleme]

While my vet has chosen to get help ( both therapy and medication) it's been a very long road. I feel I am often making the decision to keep in all my own thoughts and feelings as to avoid any type of conflict with him. After a 4 day hiatus of him choosing to not take his medication, the littlest of things turned into a fight today. I am actually looking forward to tomorrow being Monday so I can spend the day back at work. I am always nervous for when the next blow up will be and what the result will be. Sometimes I just want to be the needy one for once. I want to tell him I want, without him saying " see you're not happy with me!" I want a give and take relationship, and some days I just want to feel like I have somebody to lean on too

 

[JJW]

I just wanted to say I applaud all of you currently in relationships with someone with PTSD as I was until recently in a relationship with a partner with PTSD as it can be very difficult and rewarding you all have my respect