Other On-going traumatic relationship disorder- anyone else think they might have this?

[Sideways]

It's a private hospital admission. Explore the costs of private health for howpital admissions only, with no extras. There are some that are cheaper than you might expect. I'm on dsp, and it's tight, but it works out being worth it for me. That's going to depend on your individual circumstances though.

 

[mumstheword]

You know

It's a private hospital admission. Explore the costs of private health for howpital admissions...

I will. I'm serious. It sounds good. I'll talk to my mental health nurse practitioner, who I have long term history with, and my psychologist, up at uni, I'm between GPs but hoping to find someone soon. I'm gonna aim to get in as soon as I can.

I am supposed to be going back to uni soon, I've been on a leave of absence since having a breakdown earlier this year and have been fairly unfunctional all year.

I was planning on attempting 1 unit for summer session, external, but I'm still pretty unwell. I started reading a core text for it last week and it triggered the shite out of me. So I really need some extra support.

 

[Ronin]

Nothing against analyzing own trauma, but I think that page linked in the opening post is spreading dangerous horseshit.

As plain I can get without going into a long rant about allistic ableism & how it only benefits viewing autistic people as lacking empathy (instead of recognizing the extreme terror people and unpredictability cause *them* on a daily basis) and pathologization and/or criminalization of autistic people. Not even starting about that whole 'sociopath' lumping together trope.

(And yes, I have experience with autistics of many flavors. Some who were also abusive, many many more who were not. In every case, their abusiveness wasn't an issue of autism, nor stemming from it.)

So, no, I don't believe that 'disorder' is a thing.

 

[mumstheword]

Nothing against analyzing own trauma, but I think that page linked in the opening post is spreading danger...

Fair enough
Personally, I found it validating and it certainly hasn't affected how I feel about my father and my son.
People's merits are still their merits regardless of their deficits.

I KNOW my kids have suffered a huge amount of stress due to their brothers disability.

I know that having a father with Aspergers contributed to me being as ill as I have been.

Different to the narcissistic abuse from my mother and ex, but I think those things are covered in the article.

You are entitled to think what you think about it, but some may find it validating for a huge amount of stress and hardship they have endured and the health problems that stem from that.

It's not about Aspergers bashing or Autism discrimination, it's about addressing the health needs and stresses that result from relationship with people that lack the ability to emotional and socially reciprocate.

If the cap don't fit, then don't where it.
Whom it doesn't apply to, it doesn't apply to.

 

[EveHarrington]

Fair enough
Personally, I found it validating and it certainly hasn't affected how I feel about my...

I know what you're saying.

Unless you've been in a CLOSE relationship with someone on the spectrum, you CANNOT understand the pain that can indeed come from being in this kind of relationship.

Yes, I have been there. I know the pain. I'm not saying my ex was abusive, but when you don't know how to navigate normal relationship dynamics, it feels like cruel emotional starvation. He didn't know what he didn't know and tried to navigate the world the best he could. Sadly it wasn't enough.

Flame me if you want but I've been there. So have MANY women who have/had partners on the spectrum.

It doesn't hurt to acknowledge the truth.

 

[mumstheword]

I know what you're saying.

Unless you've been in a CLOSE relationship with someone on the spect...

Thank you @EveHarrington :-)

I do love my Dad and son very much but any length of time with them is extremely emotionally exhausting.

My Dad is an academic Aspergers man and I know he cares, but is ill equipped to show it.

I'm finally well enough, and ill enough to tell him I need space from him.

My son is in care, (he is 25 now and not high functioning) and that is the better option. He has a day program and 24/7 support workers.

They get shifts on and shifts off to recharge their "batteries" so to speak, and they get paid for it.

My ex gaslit and neglected and sabotaged and encouraged illicit drug use so much that my son developed a psychotic illness on top of his autism and intellectual impairment.

My youngest son won't have a bar of his brother.

Yes, it can wear you down, by daily increments of emotion starvation. Exactly.

I ended up in a clinic at 15, at least my Dad could respond enough to have me admitted for a (not long enough) spell.
I was self-harming, hiding the the closet, sleeping as much as I could, ditching school, intent on starving myself, deeeeeply chronically depressed. He wasn't cruel, just utterly inept in providing any level of emotional support.
Emotional neglect is also harm causing.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Harm I consider to be intentional. As in do no harm.
6 billion who had a happy childhood, or adult relationships. That is life, not brain altering functioning. Here most have the whole enchilada. Family is always a challenge.

 

[mumstheword]

There is a polar opposite between socio/psychopaths and people on the spectrum.

Socio/psychopaths are well able to mimic empathy, although they do not feel it.

Autistic and Aspergers people may care a great deal about people and being accepted, but lack the conceptual tools and social/emotional neuro-wiring to demonstrate that care and empathy.

 

[mumstheword]

Harm I consider to be intentional. As in do no harm.
6 billion who had a happy childhood, or adul...

The article clearly pointed out that it is not about blame or attacking or fault finding towards people on the spectrum.

It is purely about addressing the stresses that come from living with and caring for, those with this social/emotional disability.

Personally, unless you have lived with, been parented by, married to or had to parent these people, I don't find your input particular informed. It's just PC platitudes and offence taking for a non-physical other.

It's invalidating the carers and children of people with a social/emotional disability.
Not compassionate.
Not helpful.

No wonder they are calling it the Cassandra Phenomena.
Invalidated stress disorder, you who are invalidating it are only adding evidence to the original claim.

 

[mumstheword]

One could say that sociopaths may not intend to do harm. They just lack the empathy that stops that level of selfishness.
They enjoy duping people, because they are aware, on some level, that they are not like "normal" empathetic people and as such, they have to fool others, to gain acceptance.
Acceptance = survival, on a very primal and pragmatic level.
Add to that cultural encouragement to power over others and disregard "feelings" and there you have it, pain and suffering inflicted on others to gain what they want.
Having no empathy, being incapable of feeling empathy, could, itself be considered a disability, a social/emotional disability.
One is still aware that the socio/psychopath will hurt you. They are incapable of the caring choice of behaviour, they are not wired for it.
They do, however, possess astute intellectual skills of analysing human behaviour and motivation and of mimicking and applying said psychological know-how, to get what they want.

The person with Aspergers of Autism lacks the capacity to analyze and "mimic" normal social behaviour.
That doesn't mean they lack empathy. I do not believe they do, at all.

They lack the social/emotional and intellectual finesse that neurotypical wiring endows neurotypicals.

This can be stressful on an ongoing basis.

NOT the same as dealing with narcissists and socio/psychopaths, but nonetheless, stressful and requiring of recognition and support.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

@mumstheword :hug:
I agree with you on ALL of your insights. No one who has PTSD with it's MANY symptoms, will ever fit into just that one diagnosis. We all have the hallmarks and different symptoms that are more prevalent than others.

You are SO good at being able to communicate the WIDE variety of past experiences, current living situations and triggers that we face in the ongoing "management" of PTSD. And of course, there are more than one diagnoses within that "umbrella" term...

For me, severe depression, suicidal ideation, panic/anxiety are the ones that come up and plague me the most, just to name several of my issues.(There are more)

Our traumas and circumstances are as different as EVERY star in the sky and attempting to fit ourselves or anyone else into a specific diagnosis is impossible.

Input, without judgement, and empathy, are VITAL to be able to give support which is the reason this forum exists.

I hope that all makes sense. :)

 

[Ronin]

The person with Aspergers of Autism lacks the capacity to analyze and "mimic" normal social behaviour.

Disagreed, on both counts.

Analyzing & mimicking in any sort of environment just doesn't mean it'll be copathetic with whatever others are communicating and their respective way of communicating and navigating situations.

People are super individual, blanket statements like these are bound to be incorrect, and ignoring to a great level *all* social interaction is learning by analysis and a level of mimicking; how will it be judged (fitting in / appropriate for the situations / harmful, harmless, odd, something else?) is varying by experience of people, what's normal in one setting and/or for one person will not translate the same otherwhere.

Disagreed on the ASPD people and intellect as well.
Personality disorders don't automatically correlate with an intellect level or any other abilities or disabilities. To imply people in one category all posess any trait is just not going to work in reality.

And sort of implies autistics = those social retards, socio&psychopaths = those dignified, distinguished misunderstood geniuses who just don't feel proper. Just in better sounding words. Which is not a notion I agree with, intellectually or experience wise.