On The Days I Step Onto The Scale And See Increases In Weight, I Get Anxious And Self-conscious.

[Tei-Saji]

People always teased me about my weight in high school. One of the most uncomfortable parts of their teasing is poking my 220 lb stomach. Whenever I would slap their hand to make them stop it, they would immediately withdraw it so their hands wouldn't get hit. They'd grin in triumph, and I always hated it.

Anyway, that poking in the stomach thing still haunts me today. Whenever I see that I gained a few pounds, I can still feel their fingers touching me. It's like conditioned; I gain weight, and even though they're probably miles away from me, I can still feel them touching me. And it just puts me in terrible anxiety.

 

[anthony]

Sorry to hear. Bullying certainly can and does have the exact repercussions that you're experiencing. Conditioning is about the best word... which you aptly used.

Do you feel happy with your weight today?

 

[Tei-Saji]

I sort of do. I'm 137 right now but I want to drop to at least 131.

 

[Friday]

Since you see/feel them doing what they used to do... Do you ever change the script? Use your now catlike reflexes to smack their hands away and roll your eyes at them, or one better, by aiming higher?

For myself, I've sometimes found that the movies playing in my mind are just waiting for an editor. Once I alter the script from what happened then, to what I would do now? They lose their power. I've had the best success with nonchalance, rather than revenge. The whole 'The opposite of love isn't hate, but indifference' kind of thing.

 

[RussH]

First congratulations. It is really hard to lose weight, so very good job.
I understand completely how you feel regarding the past bullying. I get the same anxiety when I find myself in the same, or similar situation that I was bullied in.

When you look at yourself in the mirror, smile, because the very people that use to make fun of you have probably gained weight while you have been losing it.